Luna

I had a boyfriend at the time.

I'd been with this guy like on and off.

I think being with him made me suppress a lot of it too because I was like, oh, well, I have a boyfriend, so I'm okay.

Like a bunch of delusions that I was just trying to use to get through it.

I was very like, I don't deserve good things.

I'm disgusting because this happened to me and I let it happen.

I was staying in a really unhealthy relationship because I was codependent.

I had attached myself to that unhealthy relationship just because then at least I wouldn't be alone and I wouldn't have to be alone with my thoughts and deal with it.

I was like, maybe I should go to therapy.

I broke up with my boyfriend and then started going to therapy weekly.

And that was when I started to realize maybe this actually affected me a little deeper than I'm letting on.

I realized that since I wasn't processing what happened to me,

I internalized a lot of it instead.

I was just being really mean to myself and I started being really aware of the way that I was speaking to myself and the decisions that I was making.

They were very hindering to my success rather than being helpful and fostering, you know, like a growth mindset.

I learned a lot in a very short time about how trauma physically stores itself into all the parts of your body and it quite literally alters your brain chemistry.

So I learned a lot about how to release trauma and I had to learn to stop with the negative self-talk because being mean to yourself is not healthy.

The more that I talked about it with a therapist, the more I realized I didn't want that and so it's not my fault and I didn't consent to that happening to me.

When I shifted my mindset and really started to understand and believe that that was not my fault and that no matter what I could have done, the outcome would have been the same because it was his motive to do that to me.

And if it wasn't me, it would probably be somebody else.