Maira Kalman

This is the recipe for any of those who need it.

Black, white, ochre and aquamarine.

Now as a talisman, every painting I do includes Cézanne gray.

Writing, of course, is different.

finding the idea, plucking a word out of the air, but which word, and then a sentence, but which sentence, and then a paragraph, and which paragraph, and it never stops.

So many words.

I could not live without both painting and writing, and one supports the other in obvious ways.

In both, the struggle is invisible but palpable.

I say the tears are invisible, but they're definitely there.

How do I deal with never good enough?

Easy.

Self-loathing is a truly ugly expression, but it is an unavoidable condition.

The crushing anxiety of not getting it right, of not finding the truth, of feeling worthless.

If you look at it one way, it could be helpful to have doubt and dismay.

Plowing through the muck of despair leads to a sense of humanism and perseverance.

On the other hand,

How absurd and tedious to be in the grips of self-doubt.

What a waste of time, that insidious insecurity.

What of finding your work and your place on earth?

What of self-confidence?