Malala Yousafzai

You know, I could see the gunmen.

I thought, this is happening all over again.

I often say that I received my surgeries and I recovered so quickly from the Taliban attack.

But just when this happened, I realized that maybe I actually had not fully recovered.

There was this unaddressed part of my recovery, which was mental health, which was the trauma that we did not actually count in the treatment process.

It was frightening.

And even now, when I think about it, it's a really frightening place to be in.

You feel trapped.

You do not see a way out.

That's exactly what I was going through in those days.

I was shaking.

I was shaking every minute.

I could not look at

harmful objects.

I could not look at a knife.

I could not watch news that said anything about murdering people or somebody being killed or shot or wounded.

I just felt so disappointed with myself that somebody who actually faced a Taliban gunman was somehow now scared of

these small things.

It was all trivial stuff that it made no sense to me.

And I thought that I had lost my courage, that I was not brave enough.