Marc Ellis

They have a consistent comment that is in all my reports is Mark is a constant distraction.

They told me I'd never go to university, which is the reason I went to university.

And one of the boys stuck on a bloody bike helmet, tried to run through a wall.

He got through the wall, no problem, but he hit the hot water cylinder.

So he had to hold the peach of his old fella against the ice-cold wall.

And after about five minutes, he was just blue and just shaking.

And that was the only way we could shut the bastard up.

This pig's head jumped out of my skin.

And it had jumped up on my desk and eaten a chocolate cake and shat all over my room.

And we used to have days where you had to wear a floppy hat and do painting in the nude in your flat.

So...

It used to make us laugh.

Why don't you try and encourage it?

But I reckon you could have Shaq the cat and Fat Rat and Shaq the cat and a dwarf in a rat suit.

Drag it behind on water skis, a quad bike at half time or send a police dog after it or make it jump off the tower board into a shallow pool.

It'd be funny shit.

You know, what's the worst that can happen?

You're standing at the plate, you've got three swings of the bat, try and hit the fucking thing out of the park.

You've actually cocked that up, but you've added a couple of tries, you know.

So I now know to divide by 10 everything that you say.