Mark Groves

So like underlying fear, I'm afraid that if you leave, you might not come back. Second one, mom leaves, mom comes back, baby reunites with mom, hey, what's up, goes back to playing, secure attachment. Last one, mom leaves, mom comes back, baby's like, ah, I didn't even really notice you were gone.

like no big deal but what happens physiologically for that child is it's acting the same way as the anxious attached child so heart rate etc are up and and that's avoidant attachment so i always frame to people that and the third type of attachment well i guess we would go forth is disorganized so you might like pivot between anxious and avoidance and we might know that one as an adult when you're dating and you're pursuing somebody and then

like no big deal but what happens physiologically for that child is it's acting the same way as the anxious attached child so heart rate etc are up and and that's avoidant attachment so i always frame to people that and the third type of attachment well i guess we would go forth is disorganized so you might like pivot between anxious and avoidance and we might know that one as an adult when you're dating and you're pursuing somebody and then

like no big deal but what happens physiologically for that child is it's acting the same way as the anxious attached child so heart rate etc are up and and that's avoidant attachment so i always frame to people that and the third type of attachment well i guess we would go forth is disorganized so you might like pivot between anxious and avoidance and we might know that one as an adult when you're dating and you're pursuing somebody and then

You're like, I like you, I like you, I like you. And then they're like, I like you. And you're like, ah, I'm not really sure. Might need a little bit of space. Yeah, so I always frame it as like your attachment system is a radar that is looking for safety and security in your relationships, not just romantic, every relationship in your life. And it's essentially just assessing that constantly.

You're like, I like you, I like you, I like you. And then they're like, I like you. And you're like, ah, I'm not really sure. Might need a little bit of space. Yeah, so I always frame it as like your attachment system is a radar that is looking for safety and security in your relationships, not just romantic, every relationship in your life. And it's essentially just assessing that constantly.

You're like, I like you, I like you, I like you. And then they're like, I like you. And you're like, ah, I'm not really sure. Might need a little bit of space. Yeah, so I always frame it as like your attachment system is a radar that is looking for safety and security in your relationships, not just romantic, every relationship in your life. And it's essentially just assessing that constantly.

It's asking the question, am I safe and am I safe to be me? And I always say to people, it's a lot simpler to understand that it's really about not your relationship to the other person, but more about the space between you and the other person. So anxiously attached people, when there's too much space, that creates fear.

It's asking the question, am I safe and am I safe to be me? And I always say to people, it's a lot simpler to understand that it's really about not your relationship to the other person, but more about the space between you and the other person. So anxiously attached people, when there's too much space, that creates fear.

It's asking the question, am I safe and am I safe to be me? And I always say to people, it's a lot simpler to understand that it's really about not your relationship to the other person, but more about the space between you and the other person. So anxiously attached people, when there's too much space, that creates fear.

And for avoidantly attached people, when there's not enough space, that creates fear. And really, these are just two different ways that people adapted to unreliable relationships or inconsistent parents.

And for avoidantly attached people, when there's not enough space, that creates fear. And really, these are just two different ways that people adapted to unreliable relationships or inconsistent parents.

And for avoidantly attached people, when there's not enough space, that creates fear. And really, these are just two different ways that people adapted to unreliable relationships or inconsistent parents.

And the interesting, and I know this is deeply part of your work, is looking at the overlay of the nervous system to that, which is that for anxiously attached people, they have a hard time self-regulating, and for avoidantly attached people, they have a hard time co-regulating. So all of this just overlays, and when I look at it, I just think it's such a simple

And the interesting, and I know this is deeply part of your work, is looking at the overlay of the nervous system to that, which is that for anxiously attached people, they have a hard time self-regulating, and for avoidantly attached people, they have a hard time co-regulating. So all of this just overlays, and when I look at it, I just think it's such a simple

And the interesting, and I know this is deeply part of your work, is looking at the overlay of the nervous system to that, which is that for anxiously attached people, they have a hard time self-regulating, and for avoidantly attached people, they have a hard time co-regulating. So all of this just overlays, and when I look at it, I just think it's such a simple

way to understand your behavior patterns, and also that you can change it. I think that's actually a big hope message for everybody. quite determined when you're young, but you can change it as an adult.

way to understand your behavior patterns, and also that you can change it. I think that's actually a big hope message for everybody. quite determined when you're young, but you can change it as an adult.

way to understand your behavior patterns, and also that you can change it. I think that's actually a big hope message for everybody. quite determined when you're young, but you can change it as an adult.

Yeah. You know, the, the hope for the anxious person is that they won't over pursue, you know, like so much part of the way that they learned how to navigate relationships as little ones is this, like, if you're okay, I'm okay. Like if, if I know that you're here, then I'm good. So really they're, They're an outwardly focus. They're focused on everybody else.