Mark Kerr

And it's one where I'm nice, I'm cordial, all this other stuff.

But, you know, at the end of the day, I was like, I was demanding.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, part of it was that...

You know you almost like I almost buy into the bullshit and I can never be this perfect being that I was trying to be and so I'm always falling short and that feeling of always falling short in this just like You know, I couldn't live up to what I thought I needed to live up to right and so that was hiding and you know I'm just gonna get a little relief from it.

You know, it's gonna so I can unplug and

You know, and it was just one of those where it started with pain, you know, realistically started like a fuck.

I'm doing something inherently.

I'm going to have pain.

You know, and it was this progression from that of like, you know, from pain to I didn't know what an opiate addiction was.

Yeah.

Really crazy, which I didn't know fuck I didn't understand like I didn't understand like when I took at the level that I took it when I Stopped you tried to stop.

I didn't understand what being dope sick was I didn't understand like getting like physically sick because I don't have the substance in my body Like I would get diarrhea.

I couldn't walk from here to the end of the room without having to sit down for a half hour It's almost like a parasite

It is.

That crazy part is the first recognition of like that I'm stuck, that I don't know the answer of like because I'm caught between, you know, like, all right, I'm going through this physical withdrawal and everything else that comes with it.

Or I'm just going to go seek the thing that's causing the physical withdrawal because it makes me feel better.

You know, so you're caught in this loop of just bullshit.

Right.