Mark Steel

It was a huge present.

He couldn't say who the present had come from or what it was, but it was a big present, the biggest of all the presents.

And he said he was looking forward to playing with the present and enjoying the present.

And you could tell in Jeremy Bowen's voice, he was so close to going, I can't do this anymore.

It's just... What am I supposed to say?

Tomorrow am I going to go, this morning the president said that he'd learnt to fly, that he could fly like an eagle and that he could fly better than... All the other eagles have said he could fly better than the eagles.

The other eagles have said he's got more feathers than all the other eagles and he's going to fly...

to Iran and in the Straits of Hormuz, going to command all the other eagles to peck the Iranian ships and make them sink.

And that certainly would transform the conflict.

How can you begin to make sense of it?

It's just bollocks.

And the commentators are on there going, well, the negotiations at the moment, it's just mad.

What's he going to do?

Announce that he's a cat?

Announce he's bought Iran and he's now going to turn it into a golden tower and put it on top of his head.

So you can't, don't bother with it.

I think Iran.

Whatever happens, he's going to have to sell it as a victory, isn't he?

Even if the final deal is that Texas is now part of Iran.

Because so far his victory is to replace Khomeini with his son.