Marta DeWolf
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
Excuse me. Okay, bless you. Bless you.
I'm allergic to... I heard talking about Armenia. No, I just sneezed and it was an accident. But Sona's father was born in a village, right? A long time ago. And... Sivas.
See, this is cool. He grew up and you said that he doesn't even have a birth certificate or he got one. Someone would come twice a year.
It's very cool. I love your dad. Your dad's a cool guy. Cool mustache. Okay, I knew the mustache was coming. Marta, I'll, you know, if we cross paths, I will try to help you on the boat. I'm going to be honest with you. I'll probably just hang out. That's all right. If there's snacks.
Right, like one of the desperate housewives.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, the sun is a problem for me, so I'd stay below deck, I think.
Yeah, I'd just stay under the covers in my bed, my king-size bed, and I'd get one of those hats that you can drink beer out of, only I'd put Chardonnay in it. I just lie in there.
Yes, with my flippy floppies. That's why I'm drunk. Well, Marta, it was really nice talking to you. Stay safe.
Oh, you do? Okay, go ahead.
Okay. So you and your husband for a number of years now have been sailing together, circumnavigating the globe. Yes. Is it treacherous? I mean, I have to admit, I used to be intrigued by the idea of sailing the globe. And then I saw the movie Dead Calm. It's Nicole Kidman's first movie. And Billy Zane shows up and he's crazy.
Oh, I have to see the pizza. I have to actually see the pizza. I have to get eyes on it. The best pizza I've had is in in Naples. I had amazing pizza, Napoli. And so you could get there pretty quickly from from where you are now. That's probably just a couple of hours. Depends on your ladder. You're long. Yeah.
Really? I think you should get rid of the boat. Just get a private plane, zip around. But yeah, get eyes on the pizza. And if it looks good, it probably is good. That's all I can tell you. Pizza is like people. I know a good one when I see one. Looking around the room. A lot of good pizza here.
A lot of bad pizza in this room.
Marta, it was nice chatting with you. Happy sails. It was an honor. Remember Red Dawn at night, sailors won't fight. Starboard to Lee, mizzenmast.
Lots of glee. Thank you very much. Avoid the brie. It's been out in the sun. I think that's a hot dog bun.
I'm going to go to the hospital, but it was nice talking to you, Marta. You take care.
And I'm so terrified of late 1980s Billy Zane that I won't go on boats anymore.
Well, he wasn't even on the crew. I think the lesson I took away from Dead Calm, and I'm going to take this away from your life now and just to the movie Dead Calm, Nicole Kidman's breakout performance, was that they picked him up. He was on another boat and he came rowing their way. And you don't pick up anybody. You don't pick up hitchhikers when you're on the high seas. Is that a good rule?
Oh, okay. I'm sorry. You're using all these terms. Flats and lungs, med canes. Yeah, the three of us aren't pirates. Yeah. You know, it's a hurricane in the med. I mean, medicaine sounds like something you'd take if you had a migraine, doesn't it? So have you ever thought this could be it? We could die right now.
Okay, still I don't know what's happening. Everything you say, Marta, is a riddle. We were in a medicane. Where? In Glip Glop, near the chip chop.
Now, it looks like you're either having an MRI or where are you? You're in some strange environment that I can't identify. Where are you right now?
Oh, very nice. I'm going to ask you about your relationship with your husband because I'm just thinking to myself, if I was in a contained area with my wife, and I love my wife. I love my wife. Take my wife, please. No, I love my wife, but take it easy. I haven't had my meds, but I have. Your Medicaine? I had a Medicaine. Your Medicaine.
I'm just thinking of us being in a contained space, having to work together on the ocean for eight years. Yeah, she would start swimming towards the crazy Billy Zane. Do you guys have times like that where you're really on each other's nerves?
Oh, they didn't leave the boat. We were pretty comfortable. I got the impression. They left. We took a hard turn to starboard and they went over the side. And so the kids left. So you were empty nesters and that's when you decided to hit the high seas.
And I want to just get to the... Let's say you're not getting along with your husband. What do you do? I mean, you can't... Do you just... You stay on your side of the boat and I'll stay on mine? How bad has it gotten?
You're in a boat. Are you in a boat? Oh, okay. You're in a boat. All right. When someone says, do you want to know my lat-longs? I usually think that means a boat.
You'd listen to our podcast when you were not getting along with your husband.
Let me ask you something. Marta, did I drive a wedge between you and your husband? Did you fantasize? Did you fantasize about being with me and away from your husband when when things were on the rocks?
Oh, no. Makes me sound like the intruder. But I listen. I hope I didn't cause exacerbate any problems. But it sounds like we brought you some joy at a dark time.
Maybe, maybe. Or maybe she's going, I don't know what this is.
You know what? Sona has a good idea. The Conan logo on the side of your boat. We'd pay you. I got it. Team Coco. Before I even checked with Adam. But I'm sure there's money in that. We'll look into it. And I say that knowing there probably isn't.
Sometimes in clubs, I go up to women and say, do you want to see my lats? Oh, God.
Where are you now in the world?
No, I don't. I'm ashamed to say I don't. It's three legs. Oh, you're in Sicily. Oh. Hold that flag up again. I've never been to Sicily. I've always wanted to go there. It's three legs coming out of a head.
I know. They asked me to stop. Clubs. Clubs, he said, having never been to a club. Your name is Marta. Marta DeWolf. This is what I know about you. And you're on a boat. Are you a real sailor? How serious are you about sailing?
What's that? Yeah. So you're going to go there when you say lift out, they're going to take this giant catamaran you're in using winches. They're going to take it out of the water and put it in a dry land.
You do it all yourselves. Wow. So you've really challenged yourself. Can I ask you about your life before all this? Did you have a very conventional life?
Yeah, I can tell you're pretty high on- Anti-fouling fumes.
So you guys, and where did you, what is your port of call? Where did you leave from? Where did you sail out of at the United States?
So my wife is from she's not from Bellevue, but she's from Seattle. Yeah. So, wow.
I know you're you're living. I mean, this is a common this is a fantasy. A lot of people have, but they don't do it. And I think because of Billy Zane.
It's a big movie. Is it? Dead Calm. Yeah, it's a big movie.
It was a breakout movie for Nicole Kidman.
They left an impact on you. Oh, it did. It's kept me out of the water. I don't even go near water because of Billy Zane. And you'd think that would be because of the Titanic. But no, years before that, dead calm. Listen, I took us, you could say, way off course.
This is very cool what you're doing, I think. And do you still keep in regular contact with your kids or do they not know where you are and haven't seen you in years?
Wait, eighth year sailing. So you've sailed the globe.
Did you sell your house to buy the boat? Wow, you sold everything. This is your life now.
Well, you sort of dress like a pirate.
You found treasure? You found treasure? Oh, my God. Well, wait a minute. Let's get off the SIM cards and how the Internet can be sketchy and get to you finding treasure.
They are like little bottles, right? It wasn't an amphora.
This isn't the Goonies. She turns everything into the Goonies.
I do. So anyway, no, no, no. Real treasure. If the Goonies were a realistic show, a bunch of kids who talked over each other would stumble upon a bunch of big old empty bottles of olive oil. That's what they would find. And they'd call it the rich stuff. Because kids don't know what treasure is. Yeah, you don't have time. Horrible movie.
Okay. Let's move. We got into dangerous shoals here, Marta. Well, before we go, any advice for me on, do you think I have what it takes to sail the... Do you think?
That's the first question I ask before I go anywhere. And a king-size bed, right?
I'm a strong guy, yeah. Thank you for saying. And you can tell I'm strong just probably from looking at me or just from stuff you've read.
Yeah, if you did word for it. So you're going off that from me. Okay, that's not good. Yeah, so Reef the Sail and Jib the Jab.
So you started sailing and you said we, who are you sailing with?
It's Jib the Jab, please. This sounds like stuff I could do. Will I do it? I don't know. Yes, go ahead.
Give me the little quickie, yeah. Okay. Port is four letters. Right.
Okay. So the two of you sail together. How big is the boat?
How's he doing? Yeah. OK.
He's really good. Does he look anything like Michael Jackson?