Mary-Elaine Robertson

Sides of Edward again? If I was Robert the Bruce, which I'm thankful I'm not, and I don't think we're that alike, but I think he just goes on a total revenge mission against Edward with all its might.

I do know this story. This was based off the true story of Charlotte's Web.

Yeah. He was sitting in a cave and he was ready to give up. And he sees a spider and a spider is making its web in the cave and the spider's web fails. And he's like, there, see, we're the same. But then the spider attempts again. And he's like, oh, and the web fails again. But then the spider goes again and again. And he watches this determination of the spider.

And he's like, if the spider can go again, so can I. But is that true? Did that actually happen? Did he sit in a cave and watch a spider? Probably not, no.

I feel like this is a play on what they did in Troy. But you can't hide an army in a cow, but you could hide in explosives. Did they send in exploding cows? No.

They're really milking it.

Hooray! Why? What did he do this time?

This is a story of working-class women trying to get by. This is survival.

I feel like if we're going to go by a pattern of Robert's behaviour, which is always the opposite of what you should do, I think he thinks when everything's laid on a plate and good, he's like, hey, Edward III is so young, he's just a baby. Let's invade England.

Not John. That's clever. No. So he doesn't marry off the eldest.

That's only going to make you stronger, eating eels. You never get told to do that when you're a child. Finish your eels. It'll help you grow good long arms.

Thank you. This is amazing. I learnt a lot and had fun.

Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to learn.

Yes. Well, and no, I have some beef with history. I studied archaeology. So I'm like, well, we have evidence you have written lies.

Yes, I'm a Shetlander, so Shetland was very, very busy at this point in time fighting with Norway, and we really weren't so clued up with what you were doing down in Scotland and England. So I know you were having a lot of trouble between the two of you, but we were already very busy up north. LAUGHTER

Yes, so we became part of Scotland in 1469, officially signed over in 1471 in lieu of a payment of a dowry. We're quite bitter about it because the dowry was meant to be 30,000 florins worth. So Denmark and Norway suggested the dowry would be...

Orkney and Scotland reckoned that Orkney was worth 22,000 florins so they're like can you bump it up by 8,000 florins and they threw in the whole of Shetland like we're a third of their cost so what do you know

Back in the late 1200s, early 1300s? Just avoiding plagues and poxies. I don't know. I'm just trying really hard to stay alive.

I don't know what it's like doing it in Scotland, but in Shetland, if you get too big for your boots, you soon get ripped to pieces. And modesty reigns supreme. Like, if you were a prince, you wouldn't really speak about it, you know? People call you prince, like, shut up, no, I'm no.

Right now, Robert the Bruce isn't winning any favour from me. He sounds like they're just a family who are like, we will be friends with whoever in power will let us keep our land. When's he going to redeem himself?

The Bruces were fighting on Edward's side.

For us to now hold Robert the Bruce as a hero, they must have had one amazing PR company. What is this shift? This is hidden from us. At the start, what I didn't say about Robert the Bruce, because I thought it was too obvious, was like, oh yeah, he's a hero for Scotland and our freedom, isn't he? Is he?

I'm trying to work out if he knows where he's from at this point. Because does he know which side he's meant to be on yet? LAUGHTER Maybe he's just very confused.

Oh, he gaslights him. I don't know how one would be rude.

What? Stop.

I hate him more and more.

I'm so surprised she's not called Roberta.

Can you imagine how disgusted Robert's daughter is? They're probably the same age as their bride.

In a kirk?

The house of God?

What do they do?

Oh, no. So, yes. Can he get any lower? What does he do in the church?

I'm sorry, but it's a bit rich for Robert the Bruce to be like, hey, you were on Edward's side. How dare you? That's my thing.