Matt Abrahams

Never.

The reason memorizing is so bad is it burdens your cognitive load.

You've created the right way to say it and you're constantly comparing what you wanted to say to what you're actually saying.

So having a roadmap, having a structure, having some familiarity with some ideas are important.

If there are certain words that you really want to get across or certain data, have a note card, read it.

I'd rather you do that than put the cognitive burden on yourself of memorizing.

I would encourage people to lead with questions.

Draw the other person out.

Often, if you can get them talking about something that's important to them or connected to what you want, then you can engage in that conversation.

So, again, it's pre-work.

It's thinking about what's of value.

Lead with questions.

And then as soon as the person responds, give them space to tell more.

My mother-in-law had a black belt in small talk.

She was amazing.

She was from the Midwest.

Every time she'd fly out to visit, she'd come off the plane with three new best friends.

And her secret, and you mentioned this earlier, were three words, tell me more.

Once somebody answers a question, give them that space to say more, and that really draws them out and gives you some ideas of what's important to them so you can latch on and talk about it more.

So lead with questions, give space for more communication.