Matt Walsh

It works best.

It makes you happy.

Of course they want one for themselves.

So it's the perfect illustration for them of luxury beliefs.

And it's also why, despite what you may have gathered from this monologue, I truly believe that Gavin Newsom's wife is great.

She's awesome.

I mean, without irony, I really think

She's an incredible woman for one reason, that she's the perfect feminist.

Not only because she's constantly out babbling about how men are evil, but also because her husband is trying to achieve something great, becoming president.

Wouldn't be great for the country, but that would be a great accomplishment for an individual.

And she's determined to put herself at the center of the story and destroy his dream in the process.

If Newsom's presidential ambitions are dashed,

which hopefully they are, his wife will be one of the primary reasons for that.

It's great.

It's also a very instructive, cautionary tale for young men.

And the moral of the story is never marry a feminist.

She will ruin your life, guaranteed.

Now let's get to our five headlines.

Apparently getting a decent night's sleep now requires adding a hundred useless things to your bed.

You need the right pillow, the right gadget, the right app to track how poorly you're sleeping.