Maya Rudolph
Appearances
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
You don't? What rock have you been on? I know. It's so embarrassing.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
No, not before you have a little look at me when I was a rainworm, okay? A rainworm? Yes.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
Look at me when I was 95 years old. That's also one of my favorites. I turned 40 and people were like, wow, so you were like 40, really old now. You should stop modeling. And then I was like, dang, I guess they're right. And then that got me thinking about I'm going to make myself really old. And that was amazing.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
It took like 13, 14 hours to make me that old because every part of my skin that was exposed, they had to age.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
Like a real proper rainworm that you see when it's raining and they come out of the ground and they're out there.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
My face was glued onto the walls of it. My hands were tied down to the side of my body. When I would fall over, I couldn't get up. So I said to my husband, please, when I fall over and I'm landing on my face, don't leave me on my face because it's loud. People are like, Heidi, over here. Heidi, photo over here. Look over here.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
So when I'm like down, when I'm down, like and I'm on my face.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
No, there are worms that come out when it rains. Yes.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
No, a maggot is not coming out of the ground. A maggot is in food. I know that.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
Right, and you don't say maggot worm. Ah, okay. That's what I'm trying to- Oh my God, the light bulb, did you see it?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
I thought you always had to specify, like with pastas, with weenie.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
For me, it's more creative. I'm a creative person. So I also don't want to do costumes that I have seen. So I try to really think outside of the box.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
You're doing great. Last year, I was like, OK, this worm I know was so epic that I was like, how am I going to top this worm? So then I thought I have to do something with multiple people. I became a peacock where... I'm just the face in the front body of the peacock. And I have like 10 people who were the eyes of the feather in the rest of the body. And I'm climbing on this.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
And we did this whole beautiful dance until I then become this peacock to just give people something else again, where they're like, oh, my God, that's cool. Or I want people to have an emotion when they see that. And I love also when girls want to be a sexy nurse and they feel like they can't do this in their normal life.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
And then that gives them the freedom, the okay to try something that they normally don't feel comfortable in. I feel like I'm kind of always doing the sexy nurse without being the nurse. If I go to a party or walking down the catwalk somewhere. Kristen does the same thing.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
Yeah, but it's more. like art for me. I feel like I'm like a live sculpture. One year, for example, I wanted people to see what it entails. I know I always do like little videos and that I put up there.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
But one year I was putting myself in a window in Manhattan and I started at like eight o'clock in the morning and I had all the artists around me gluing all the stuff on and I'm sitting right by the window and people could walk by this window all day long. It's like performance art. All day, they could come by and they could see what happens. Like five, six hours later, I was still sitting there.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
They were gluing stuff on me because I wanted people to see how this all happens. It's like a sculpture at the end. Then they just rip it all off. It's just for one night and then it's gone.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
But I never knew in the beginning how it would grow into that. Over 20 years now, I've been doing this, maybe 23 years.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
And do you go to a specific party every year? I make it every year.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
Questlove is there every year. I love Quest. Amazing. This is so fun.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
But when I first came to New York, I didn't feel like there was a party where people are dressing up. You would go to a party and they put a little red clown nose on their nose and then it's like, oh, I'm a clown. And I'm like, no, you're not. It just was like so boring. You know, I was always like, where is the magic? Why is no one giving it some? So then I was like, I'm going to take that over.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
I'm going to do this. And as the host, I thought I have to really show people how far you can push your imagination. And I feel like literally every year people who are coming are their costumes also are getting better and better. People are also planning months in advance already.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
People are DMing me and they're like, oh my God, I'm coming to the party and I'm already like, you just wait when you see what I'm doing.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
No, my husband was like, what am I going to be if you're a peacock? And I was like, well... We're literally sitting at the dinner table and I have this chandelier that has all these eggs hanging off of it. They're real eggs all from Easter. Like we always blow eggs out.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Best of Monday 2024
You know, you poke holes in either side and you blow all the stuff through and then you paint them and then we put them on strings. And so we have like 50 eggs probably on this thing. And I'm looking at these eggs. I'm like, I think it should be an egg. It should be the peacock's egg. And I know that a peacock is a male and shouldn't have eggs. But that's fine. Who is counting eggs?
Good Hang with Amy Poehler
Martin Short
I don't think any of us are getting stamps in the next four to five years.
Good Hang with Amy Poehler
Martin Short
I love Marty. I want to claim my love for Marty early. Like I know I love him. I've also had a crush on Marty from like decades before everyone else. I remember I came to New York City when I was maybe in college and you used to be able to go see –
Good Hang with Amy Poehler
Martin Short
Broadway shows for free by being an usher and so I was ushering at a production of Godspell in like the early 90s late 80s with like Trini Alvarado and I remember I was ushering and I turned around and I saw the two people that I handed their programs to were Paul Schaefer and Martin Short and I was like Because, of course, Marty had been in the original Toronto production.
Good Hang with Amy Poehler
Martin Short
But also, I was starstruck. And also, I was like, also, Marty's cute. Anyway. I'm on record.
Good Hang with Amy Poehler
Martin Short
Mike. So I do. I would love to hear him talk about that Toronto production of Godspell, because I think that cast was incredible. And it was like Gilda Radner. And I want to say Andrew Martin. Like it was the same cast. Yeah. And then the other kind of question I was thinking about was, you know, everything that we, everything that we know Marty from that we grew up with, it's all. Right.
Good Hang with Amy Poehler
Martin Short
Like everything from Father of the Bride and Three Amigos and and Clifford, all these things and SCTV to us, it's all just like comedy Bible. I wonder for him during that time if he ever felt like.
Good Hang with Amy Poehler
Martin Short
frustrated with being like the funny person like was was he happy with his career in that time or did he did he want more and and does he does he feel differently now but just because i feel like we also all look at our own things going like oh i should i should be doing this or i should be doing that but does does he know that he has this tremendous body good question was he was he ever grouchy about it at the time oh good question and josey
Good Hang with Amy Poehler
Martin Short
Because I think Marty's a great person to try it out on because he's so kind of graceful.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Yeah, you know, like you write songs about lettuce. You're like.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Light and free. Cold and crispy. That's the way it should be. Crispy too. That's right, Bateman.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
They all seem to want to be filmmakers, so that's definitely happening.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
All of the above. He's all of those things. And they have iMovie, so they make a lot of... Movies all the time, which is pretty damn cute.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I remember the Facts of Life sketch so well that you put up, and it was... Mrs. Garrett stuck a carrot up her butt.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I swear to God. If you're only saying this for me being here today, I do appreciate it.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Wow, that's a pretty large compliment. Thank you, my friend. It is absolutely true.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
This is why getting old is great, because we all remember things a lot less than what really happened. So your memories, all of your memories of our time together are so vague. The humility and the deflection. I love it.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
But honestly, it is nice to appreciate. I will get honest from it. It's nice to appreciate each other as we age, isn't it? It's nice to have had fun together. Because my thing, once I started having kids and having to go to work, I realized, oh, I have to actually like what I'm doing today or I'm going to want to kill myself.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Because it's so depressing when you hate your job and you've left your beautiful babies at home. Yeah. All the time that I've spent with you guys and out in the world and doing things, I cherish those times because all I did was laugh my ass off.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Oh, was it that Halloween thing where we were supposed to be dead or something? We were pretending to... Oh, God, I laughed. Sorry.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
The truth is that, yeah, I mean, what you're saying, Will, is what I feel is like, you know, at a certain point you realize how also the comedy and the drama is few and far between, and you realize how serious and depressed you really are as a comedian internally, and then, like, it's all kind of part and parcel the same thing.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
So all the little funny bits make the serious stuff real, and it's all kind of...
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I mean, other than like Mel Brooks' house, I don't know that most comedy households are always funny, right?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Directing, no. Directing, I absolutely don't ever want to do. And I think it's the amount of responsibility that's required that makes me... feel itchy and hot. Knowing that I have to make sure you've got this covered. It's like being the host of a party and making sure everybody's happy. I don't think that's in my nature, and I'm okay with that. That's why I live with a director.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I don't wanna be one. But I honestly enjoy the producerial side of giving my opinion, putting my time in. I mean, I feel like I'm going to be a forever writer in the way that I sort of just like haphazardly became a writer at SNL because... They just make you write. You don't have a choice. And no one really says, hey, you're a writer now. You're just like, I'm writing my sketches.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I don't have a choice. And it's really the only way to survive. So I think I'll continue to create what I do. But the directing part, I like to sit down and eat my lunch, you know? I don't...
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Yeah, it's so stressful. And I love when people love doing it and I love to be a part of that. But I feel like there was a point in my life where I thought like, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. And then once I started realizing I don't, I'm not good at everything, and that's okay. I'm sort of like, yeah, there's no shame in that game.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I don't know. I was nursing. Remember, I was nursing. Oh, yeah. Like, the baby was in the room. I was pumping. I was sweating all the time. Was that Jack who was just born? It was Jack, yeah. He just turned nine.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Oh, I'm still not sure that I'm doing this correctly. And I get weirded out all the time that I'm 48. And my mom was only 31 when she died. And I'm like, now what? How did I get to be older than my mother? It's so crazy. Like, I don't. I don't know how the hell we're all adults to begin with, let alone responsible for other people and in relationships and families. It's crazy.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
That's a great question. I appreciate that question. I'm going to do a little voiceover work later on this afternoon.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I'm working for a wonderful production called Bless the Hearts by our friend Emily Spivey. I love that. I love Emily Spivey. Oh, bless the hearts. Are they looking for any new characters?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
That was really good. Damn. It was sexy, but also a little bit scary.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
And a little bit sad. Like, a little bit like... Well, you know why?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I thought he was constipated. He sounds a little... No, he had a few. He sounds like he needs water.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Oh, boy. You know what's funny? I did write, in the time that we've been on this, I did write a theme song for the Jack Shack. And it's called Jack Shack, shagging it up. Jack Shack, you can shack it.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I should answer your question because you bring something up, which is that I do every once in a while go, God, I should do that show. Or I should, when we were asking about creating and stuff, like, oh, yeah, I should create this show. And then I'm like, what am I saying? Then I'll never be home. I can't do that.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
But I'm lucky enough to have a lot of talented friends, and I'll do like a little bit here and a little bit there.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
It's plenty. Sometimes I spread myself too thin and then everyone starts saying, no, now I'm ready to get back in the saddle and do it. But I also like to go home sometimes.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Yeah, and like when one of the kids isn't home and they're at a friend's house or something, you feel like, there's no one here. The house is so quiet. And it's such a strange. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. But maybe that's a good time to, you know, move back to New York and start all over again.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I know. It's very responsible. It is very responsible. I feel like you brought me in and you're like, I have to ask her real questions or she's going to... Yeah, otherwise it's like they're just bits which I love. I don't care. You don't have to ask me anything real. Listen, you can ask me anything you want.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
That was crazy because I came in at the end of the 25th season and I had this really lame situation where I listened to like a bad manager. I was so young. And she said, don't audition. The new contracts are really binding. And I went, oh, okay. Like a fucking idiot. And so I did an audition, and then long story short, I was lucky enough that they asked me to come and do the last three shows.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
So it was more like trial by fire, but it was the end of the season, so everyone knew each other already. It was like joining a school year with three weeks left. So I didn't know anybody, and everybody knew where to sit in the cafeteria kind of feeling. It just felt really bad and scary.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
No, it was really confusing. It wasn't clear. They brought me and Zach Galifianakis and I think it was Jerry Minor. I think we were the three people that they brought out for this three-week trial period. But Zach and I didn't know what was going on. Zach said they brought – he had auditioned and then he said like they brought me out.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
But they were just auditioning him as a writer, and he was really like, I don't know what's happening. We were a little bit confused.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
He wrote for three weeks. He and I shared an office, and we were both scratching our heads. I didn't know that either. What are we doing? I had no idea.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Can I just say, wouldn't that be a nice problem to have instead of this fucking shit pile of shit of shit mountain that we're living on?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
There's nothing there that isn't cool. It's like, hey, do you want to play a cool superhero? Like, yeah, sure. I'm good. Like, you know this. You know, you get to be Batman. And it's fun. It's fun to like be a cool person.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I don't know. I really am. I think I'm a little bit in denial of what is happening in the world and what's going to happen. I mean, is there going to be a live show?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Chin-chin is still the best. Just the Chinese chicken salad. I don't think I've ever had anything else.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Lorne Michaels is my forever boss. I just decided the other day, like, he's my forever boss. He'll always be my boss. He'll be my friend. But no matter whether I ever work there again, he'll always be my forever boss.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Hey, guys. That was so convincing. That was so convincing. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Sean. I do.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I think about you all the time. You're always such a sweet little cookie puss.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
That was really fun, you guys. It's nice to see you. This is one of those days where when I'm dying and I'm laying there shriveled up, I'm going to think about today and I'm going to have a big smile on my face.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Bon Iver is great. I listened to the whole thing, and I felt bad for Bateman because he sounded old.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Sorry for the mood lighting. I'm in a cave. It's the only quiet place at my house.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Do you remember I used to say that to you? Did you finally build your jack shack?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
That's why he's got a smile on his face. The guru. And no pantalones.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Good for you. I like to pop them out. There is nothing elastic about my lower region.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
It's basically like when you get a grocery bag and something has spilled and then everything just falls out of the bottom.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
My son thinks that he came out of my butt because he saw a birth video. So we like to keep it that way.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Well, he's a bit of a poet. I thought he was going to tell the Jim Gaffigan joke about how it's like, because Jim Gaffigan has five, right? And I think his joke was having a fifth kid is like swimming in a pool and you're drowning and someone hands you a baby. It's a bit overwhelming.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I have to say that being in quarantine with four kids is great because I would be very depressed if I was not very busy. It would be a lot more quiet and depressing.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
How many books is your computer on right now? Is your computer on it?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
The problem with the teen part is I feel really badly for them because they want to be social. But then I don't want them to be on their fucking devices all day long.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
No, she's not a nightmare. She's the opposite. So I feel really bad because she's a nice person. Yeah.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
No. I am. I don't even, I don't know what that means. What does it mean? Yeah.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I was so surprised that you threw in the lineage thing. These dudes are like, who? What?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
So supposedly my grandfather and his brother were these big time business boys back in the day. And he came up with this idea for a company called Trip Charge. Yeah. and where it was like you could get a card and charge it when you were on a trip. This was before the credit card was invented. And it was such a great idea that he sold the idea to Diners Club. Way to go, Sid Rudolph.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I don't know, but I guess he straight up gave them the idea for the credit card.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
That's a great question. I don't know. I don't know if it was like a traveler's check situation for going out. I remember those. Traveler's checks.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
He's good. Are you asking about my sweet dad? Isn't my dad the best?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
He's that guy my whole life that people ask me about. I just got another one today. Look at Bateman. Bateman's like, I don't know your dad. Why don't I get to meet your dad?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I think it's from years of being funny and years of emoting, and now your skin is relaxing into itself. I have developed really gnarly eye bags, and I think it's from years of rubber face.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
They're kind of similar. They're similar areas. Your eyes and vagina's done here.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I went on a date with Ali in New York, and he took me to see Puppetry of the Penis. Do you remember that show?
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
It was so painful and awful looking. A lot of stretching of skin.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
I think the performing part, yes, but the singing part I knew very early on that I did not have the vocal range of my mother.
SmartLess
"RE-RELEASE: Maya Rudolph"
Yeah, musical, but I don't have that kind of a voice. I mean, when the standard is like a seven octave range, you're sort of like, I'm good, but I like making music. I do like making music. I think now that I'm almost 50, I'll probably start publicly making music now that I'm not as afraid as I used to be.
The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast
Cookies w/ Amy Poehler
$50 worth of circus tickets. Governor. Governor.
The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast
Cookies w/ Amy Poehler
Afternoon. Are you eating those cookies? Yes, is there a problem? Well, they're prototypes from the Dalkalex Corporation. They're not cookies at all. They're stool softeners.
The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast
Cookies w/ Amy Poehler
All right, got a X-Acto knife and scissors. Knife, yes. Absolutely needed. Got to do it.
The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast
Cookies w/ Amy Poehler
What are you guys doing? It's too late. They've seen our magical powers. If word of this were to get out, we talking lamps would be hunted like dogs. We won't tell anyone, we swear. Sorry, old man, we can't take that chance. Open wide. This is crazy. This is what's happening, Sharon. And you can either get in line or get out.