Mercedes Coffman

One of the ways is to always be honest with ourselves, right?

So that requires self-reflections after every relationship because I think relationships are beautiful mirrors, right?

They're great ways to look at ourselves.

How a person treats me is a reflection or it's a reflection of what I allow, what I tolerate.

So the relationships that I'm in are a good way to start looking at, hmm,

How much do I value myself?

How much do I trust myself based on how these people in my life that I value treat me?

That's one way.

Another way is to build your emotional language.

What am I feeling at any given moment?

I always give people an emotional wheel because there are so many more emotions than just mad, glad, sad emotions.

angry right so there's all these things that we don't really tend to internally because we're so focused on the external and because of that we're trusting other people places and things much more than we trust ourselves because there's so much self-abandonment even the most confident person has probably some level of self-abandonment that they're not even aware of what what are some of the small ways self-abandonment shows up

prioritizing other people places or things not really taking a pause to ask yourself am i okay with it do i feel safe in this environment do i feel safe with this person do i really want to go to this party or am i just people pleasing every time that we override that and we go against what we feel is right or regulating to ourselves is the way that we self-abandon yeah it's uh

Yes.

And then they self-abandon.

And the thing is, I mean, one of my favorite quotes that I love that I tell a lot of my empathic clients or understanding clients is suffering breeds compassion.

The more a person has suffered in their own life, usually the more compassionate they become to others because they don't want anybody else to suffer the way they did.

Right.

So.

Oftentimes, overgiving and being overconsiderate is a reflection of how you were abandoned and how you're still abandoning yourselves.