Michelle Buteau

And at some point I just looked at myself and I was like, you gots to go. But even then it was just like, how do I leave somebody when they're down?

Oh my God, what are you, Dr. Phil with tits? Yeah, I mean, I feel like I always live like that. If I could just lose those 20 pounds, if I could just have a clean house all the time, I could do everything I really want to do on my list. And so, yeah, there was that. You know, if we could just get past this, then we'll, you know, live the life we're supposed to live.

Oh my God, what are you, Dr. Phil with tits? Yeah, I mean, I feel like I always live like that. If I could just lose those 20 pounds, if I could just have a clean house all the time, I could do everything I really want to do on my list. And so, yeah, there was that. You know, if we could just get past this, then we'll, you know, live the life we're supposed to live.

The obstacle being his illiteracy? Yeah. Ooh, okay. Boom. He learns how to read. He writes, like, a New York bestseller, like, situation. It becomes a movie. Channing Tatum plays him. Lisa Bonet plays me. And we live happily ever after with, like, a bunch of mixed children in a huge apartment with beige carpet by Cheesecake Factory.

The obstacle being his illiteracy? Yeah. Ooh, okay. Boom. He learns how to read. He writes, like, a New York bestseller, like, situation. It becomes a movie. Channing Tatum plays him. Lisa Bonet plays me. And we live happily ever after with, like, a bunch of mixed children in a huge apartment with beige carpet by Cheesecake Factory.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

And you'd be like, oh.

And you'd be like, oh.

I know. Instead, he just, like, fucked a stripper.

I know. Instead, he just, like, fucked a stripper.

Like, because it's actually, like, really sad, but... Yeah, you know, most of my, the first joke I ever wrote was about him. Yeah. Will you tell it to me? Sure. It's lines at Disney World remind me of my ex-boyfriend. Three hours of waiting for a two minute ride. Ayo. But the story, I didn't feel comfortable doing it on stage till 13 years later.

Like, because it's actually, like, really sad, but... Yeah, you know, most of my, the first joke I ever wrote was about him. Yeah. Will you tell it to me? Sure. It's lines at Disney World remind me of my ex-boyfriend. Three hours of waiting for a two minute ride. Ayo. But the story, I didn't feel comfortable doing it on stage till 13 years later.

But it just felt so good. It was so cathartic. I was like, yes, I got to get this out. And I just started doing jokes about him and blogging about him. And my friends are like, you got to be careful because you're using his first and last name. And I was like, bitch, I don't give a fuck because that motherfucker can't read.

But it just felt so good. It was so cathartic. I was like, yes, I got to get this out. And I just started doing jokes about him and blogging about him. And my friends are like, you got to be careful because you're using his first and last name. And I was like, bitch, I don't give a fuck because that motherfucker can't read.