MrBallen

And it actually really was sort of not a big deal.

I was out in San Diego for military training, and my family was like, hey, Andy's going back in the hospital.

But it's really just sort of an overabundance of precaution here because she has cancer.

but it just it just spiraled and then before long i i was flying to seattle and i uh you know andy's like so full of life yeah and i walked into the hospital and i know she's she's gonna die that's it's very clear and um you know her husband's there and he's sort of in shock and my dad and and his brother so her her brother and

I went and just held her hand in a way because I was the nephew and I was definitely close with her.

But like my father and his brother and her husband, they're there.

But this is so deep cutting.

It's almost like they can't quite be here in the moment.

And I sort of almost intuitively recognize that, like, I'm just going to be super close to Andy because she's she's here still.

She seems to know we're in the room with her, but she's doing like the death rattle at the end of her life.

And I held her hand and I was like, it's okay, like, you can go.

Yeah, and then watching her die, you know, it's like, it was profound and beautiful and fucking devastating, you know?

Yeah, I mean, the other side to this, truthfully, is, and I haven't talked about this, but Andy's death,

you know, that's like my family and it was, you know, it was really difficult, still is.

But then when I was deployed overseas, I saw death in a very different way.

You know, I mean, candidly, I saw it as a Navy SEAL and like we're going out, you know, effectively with the intent to do harm.

I mean, no matter how you want to cut it, it's no matter how you feel about it, that's what it was.

And I remember like one of the first times that it wasn't me, but somebody on our team took somebody else's life.

And I had to, it's called Seek.

There's a machine you use to fingerprint people.