Nick Middaugh

And so there was a little bit of that when I was 18. But then, you know, when I moved out, I got onto the Saginaw Township Fire Department Station 1. Saginaw is probably similar to Kellisfell. Size-wise? Yeah, size-wise, yeah. Um, and there it was every day, every other day, um, going to a call, whether it's car wreck, false alarm, smoke, actual fire, stuff like that.

And so there was a little bit of that when I was 18. But then, you know, when I moved out, I got onto the Saginaw Township Fire Department Station 1. Saginaw is probably similar to Kellisfell. Size-wise? Yeah, size-wise, yeah. Um, and there it was every day, every other day, um, going to a call, whether it's car wreck, false alarm, smoke, actual fire, stuff like that.

And so there was a little bit of that when I was 18. But then, you know, when I moved out, I got onto the Saginaw Township Fire Department Station 1. Saginaw is probably similar to Kellisfell. Size-wise? Yeah, size-wise, yeah. Um, and there it was every day, every other day, um, going to a call, whether it's car wreck, false alarm, smoke, actual fire, stuff like that.

Um, so I found myself like trying to serve in this other way and I ended up picking, that's kind of like when I picked up my PTSD diagnosis is I was kind of going to these things and When I look back, I can see that it was more the childhood trauma that was influencing a lot of these behaviors that I was getting, like the drinking. I had a lot of anger.

Um, so I found myself like trying to serve in this other way and I ended up picking, that's kind of like when I picked up my PTSD diagnosis is I was kind of going to these things and When I look back, I can see that it was more the childhood trauma that was influencing a lot of these behaviors that I was getting, like the drinking. I had a lot of anger.

Um, so I found myself like trying to serve in this other way and I ended up picking, that's kind of like when I picked up my PTSD diagnosis is I was kind of going to these things and When I look back, I can see that it was more the childhood trauma that was influencing a lot of these behaviors that I was getting, like the drinking. I had a lot of anger.

I got diagnosed with clinical anger issues at 19. The nightmares, the general irritability. In hindsight, I think a lot of it was coming from the CSA. I didn't feel comfortable disclosing it. I was still under like, I'm just going to live this in secret. Um, but I went to a therapist and so that I started seeing therapy for like fire related. So I talk about the fire related things.

I got diagnosed with clinical anger issues at 19. The nightmares, the general irritability. In hindsight, I think a lot of it was coming from the CSA. I didn't feel comfortable disclosing it. I was still under like, I'm just going to live this in secret. Um, but I went to a therapist and so that I started seeing therapy for like fire related. So I talk about the fire related things.

I got diagnosed with clinical anger issues at 19. The nightmares, the general irritability. In hindsight, I think a lot of it was coming from the CSA. I didn't feel comfortable disclosing it. I was still under like, I'm just going to live this in secret. Um, but I went to a therapist and so that I started seeing therapy for like fire related. So I talk about the fire related things.

Um, and ultimately it just didn't change any kind of like the course of my life after that. Um, because I wasn't targeting the real issue. Not that that's not to say I wasn't seeing death or, um,

Um, and ultimately it just didn't change any kind of like the course of my life after that. Um, because I wasn't targeting the real issue. Not that that's not to say I wasn't seeing death or, um,

Um, and ultimately it just didn't change any kind of like the course of my life after that. Um, because I wasn't targeting the real issue. Not that that's not to say I wasn't seeing death or, um,

situations that are just rotten yeah you were treating the symptoms not the root cause yeah yeah um and what did i do as a young firefighter who um was kind of just clinging to this victimhood as i went and drank over it instead of actually really talking about i mean i talked about it in therapy but i was still like if i had a bad call i just go home drink

situations that are just rotten yeah you were treating the symptoms not the root cause yeah yeah um and what did i do as a young firefighter who um was kind of just clinging to this victimhood as i went and drank over it instead of actually really talking about i mean i talked about it in therapy but i was still like if i had a bad call i just go home drink

situations that are just rotten yeah you were treating the symptoms not the root cause yeah yeah um and what did i do as a young firefighter who um was kind of just clinging to this victimhood as i went and drank over it instead of actually really talking about i mean i talked about it in therapy but i was still like if i had a bad call i just go home drink

Um, and I isolated a lot, you know, with, with male survivors of CSA, like isolationism is kind of a coping mechanism. Um, you know, at the time, that's what you think you need to do in order to protect yourself. And I think it manifests, um, at least it did for me, um, in adulthood where like, dude, when I moved out, like I wasn't going to see my friends.

Um, and I isolated a lot, you know, with, with male survivors of CSA, like isolationism is kind of a coping mechanism. Um, you know, at the time, that's what you think you need to do in order to protect yourself. And I think it manifests, um, at least it did for me, um, in adulthood where like, dude, when I moved out, like I wasn't going to see my friends.

Um, and I isolated a lot, you know, with, with male survivors of CSA, like isolationism is kind of a coping mechanism. Um, you know, at the time, that's what you think you need to do in order to protect yourself. And I think it manifests, um, at least it did for me, um, in adulthood where like, dude, when I moved out, like I wasn't going to see my friends.

Like I'd come home every once in a while, visit my parents. I'd hang out with my boy, Freddie. Um, it's my cousin and, uh, we were tight growing up. So I'd hang out with him. But otherwise, like I go to college, didn't make any friends college.

Like I'd come home every once in a while, visit my parents. I'd hang out with my boy, Freddie. Um, it's my cousin and, uh, we were tight growing up. So I'd hang out with him. But otherwise, like I go to college, didn't make any friends college.