Nick Willing

She used to say that she couldn't paint in Portugal because there were too many ghosts there, that there were too many ghosts looking over her shoulder.

But in Britain, she'd say, oh, there's less magic here.

And I think what she means by that is that it's a country of rationality.

It's a very sort of urbane, logical, legalistic country.

Whilst Portugal felt like it was a country founded on witches and magic, witches still exist in Portugal, in the north, interestingly.

They have a festival every year of witchcraft.

It's a country full of strangeness and odd dreams, and Paula found it very difficult to work there.

But here, she could look back, not so much on the country itself, although she also did that, but on her experience growing up in that country, in her childhood.

the things that she was exposed to, the things that she had to continue to understand and process.

And those included her depression that you mentioned.

She suffered from depression all her life, which is one of the reasons she described herself sometimes as a coward, because she was always afraid.

And that fear was the term that she used to describe her depression, even as a little girl.

Of four or five, she remembers feeling terrified to even go outside.

And throughout her life, she struggled with depression.

Because some people think, oh, you need that kind of suffering to become a good artist.

So it's a famous thing, you know, Van Gogh wouldn't be Van Gogh unless he was, you know, mad.

So I asked, oh, mum, if you could choose between being a great artist and not having depression, which would you choose?

She said, oh, that's easy.

I'd choose not having depression.

And so that gives you an idea of how much it affected her.