Nicole McNichols

We maybe do all the grooming habits that we would want to do, or we turn our laptop off earlier, or we get a good night's sleep the night before.

If there's this planned intimacy, it just makes us less likely to turn off.

If our partner's trying to initiate at a time that's just not when we want sex.

Because that's, I think that's what can really start to feel hurtful in a relationship is if one person feels like there's just sort of constantly being rejected, right?

That's a really hard time.

Then the other partner starts to feel just a real sense of guilt as well as, you know, feeling like a resentment almost of their being nagged.

So sometimes it's just as easy as, okay, let's plan intimacy and make sure that we are initiating in a way that makes both of us feel the most likely to want sex.

Beyond that, it could just be that one person needs it a whole lot more, let's say, every day, and is that more about sexual release?

Normalize masturbation, right?

That is okay.

It is totally healthy for people in relationships to masturbate.

In fact, studies show that people in relationships who masturbate report higher levels of sexual satisfaction than people who don't.

You have sex more, not less.

So if it's just about needing that release, there are other ways to find that release that you just shouldn't feel ashamed of.

Or maybe it's about one person feeling like they just need more connection in general with their partner.

Are there ways?

I think particularly for men who are often not taught how to be vulnerable, not to be honest about the fact that they want to feel seen and heard and validated in a relationship, want to feel appreciated, want to feel respected and want to feel close to their partner.

that sex can be kind of the only tool that they've been taught is sort of an acceptable way to seek that out.

So maybe it's about, okay, they don't need sex every day, but what if instead of sex every day, there were more moments of connection throughout the week where time was spent giving attention to those emotional needs?

Because it could just be about, again, just that desire to be close to your partner because you miss them.