Nikki Glaser
Appearances
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
LA Is Burning | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Wicked, queer, night bitch. These are not just words Ben Affleck yells after he orgasms. These are some of the incredible movies. Like her timing on that's perfect.
Apple News Today
Why alcohol may be worse for your health than you thought
I have lifelong friends that I don't associate with anymore because of what happened. You know, to them, it's not a big deal because it wasn't their son, you know.
Apple News Today
Why alcohol may be worse for your health than you thought
Good evening and welcome to the 82nd Golden Globes, Ozempic's biggest night. If you're watching on CBS, hello. If you're watching on Paramount+, you have six days left to cancel your free trial.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And then you get to the party and the people you shit on are there.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
You forget these people have feelings. And at Rose, I feel like everything's on the table because they've signed up for it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Ultimately, that's going to track throughout this episode.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Thank God I don't even think about what's going to be said about me when I say yes to the roast. I put it out of my head. I did the Tom Brady one because it was like, Tom Brady, I got to do it. But the next roast that they threw at me, I was going to say no to because I was like, I'm too old now. When I was 35 getting called old, it didn't hurt.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
But at 40, I kind of feel it and I'm starting to see it. I don't want anyone pointing out something about my face that I have to then go talk to someone about. Yeah. In an office and have them draw on me and stare into my eyes and fix it, which I've done and I continue to do. I just don't want people to pay too close of attention. But then the Tom Brady roast, you go, oh, good.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I'm not the most famous person here. So there won't be that many jokes about me. And that's how it ended up. But the next one, I feel like I'm a little bit more famous. Figure target. Yeah, bigger target next time. So it's going to have to be someone really, really good for me to do it again. It hurts a lot.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
In the hours and days before a podcast like this, I'm like, oh, people are just having to study me right now.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I don't read any comments about myself. I've been sober from comments, which I think should be a thing.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I don't think the general public has too many trolls in their comments. But if you're a celebrity...
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
That's just a simple block. But I can post things now and not go back. How many likes does it have? Because I just go, it's none of your business anymore. And you don't get to read anything because I can't handle it. It will destroy me.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yes, that's so it. When I write Rose, I'm like, what would I want not said about me? And how do I say that about someone else? Like, how do I find the thing about this person that they look in the mirror and hate about themselves? It's a horrible way to think, but I'm able to go there because I go there for myself.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
No, it makes me feel bad because I have imposter syndrome that I'm not good. And I'm like, he's going to know that I'm not good now.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I don't burn people unless I'm hired to do it. Even the Golden Globes wasn't a burn fest because those people weren't signing up for a roast. So it was very gentle. I think the worst thing I said was to Benny Blanco, but I got his permission to. I wrote to Eric Andre, who I heard knows him. And he put us on a text chat together. I sent him a voice memo of the joke. And he said, I'm cool with it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Let me run it by Selena. And so I got permission. But I would never have done that joke. I said, you know, Selena Gomez is here with Benny Blanco, her new fiance. And Benny Blanco is here because of the genie who granted him that wish. That was the mean one.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I did not know that. I would have done that on a roast if he was on the dais. He's just sitting there. He can't heckle me back. He knows the rules. Kimmel actually gave me advice saying like, hey, reach out to people. If you have a joke that you're a little bit worried about, because I just wouldn't have done it otherwise. There's no way I would have risked making him feel uncomfortable.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
If he pays too much attention, he's going to figure out that I'm a fraud.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And even when I told him the joke, you kind of feel like, oh... But I presented it like, by the way, I think you're awesome. I think you're hot. I'm talking about a thing that I think you are aware of that I think you've even partaken in. I've heard him in podcasts talk about him with Selena. I think Santino went hard on him once. And so I think he was already aware.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
So I was a little bit nervous to even tell him it. But if I would have not liked him and really felt that way, I don't think I would have been able to say it. I think she scored with him. To be honest with you, I felt like it was a mutual thing. So it came from a good place. But people show up in my shows wanting to be roasted. I don't really like roasting people on the fly.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yes. If you just look at the things that are posted, you're like, oh, she's talented. But if you get into it, you might like...
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It doesn't just come out of me. I don't just come at people without a reason to do it. But I think that's not just because I don't want to hurt them. That's obviously part of it. But I just don't want them to retaliate. I was quiet in high school.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yeah. And I got busted. Like a girl saw me and was like, why don't you stop picking your nose? You know where you could tell it was bothering her and then she's like, she screams it. And so there were a lot of moments like that in school where I would be quietly doing something disgusting and then it would just annoy someone enough. Like I was taking pencils from this kid.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I never had my school supplies, not because my parents didn't provide it, but because I was just ADD. So I was always borrowing pencils and paper from my friend Ray and He would always give it to me every single day. He never didn't. And it was almost like I was annoying him. So one day I just took it. And I remember he saw me because I was like, you're going to give it to me.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And he was like, why don't you get your own pencil, you bucktooth beaver? Go in the woods and gnaw down a tree. Oh, my God. And I had...
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
really messed up my teeth were going out hard and the whole class heard even my teacher laughed oh no your teacher she validated i was like but i still need lead i found some kind of inaccuracy in the joke i was like it's a false premise because pencils are more than just wood anyway And then I just learned just be invisible because people will call out why you're ugly. And so I was quiet.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
This was fifth grade and seventh grade. And then by the time I got to high school, I was invisible because I just didn't want the boys making a joke about me.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It was teeth that continues. I still see weird things with them. You have perfect teeth. Are they veneers, man? No, but I do a thing. Please, everyone listening, don't get veneers. My friends who have done it regret it. If there is an apocalypse or something, your teeth will fall out and you will have nubs and you have no one to fix them.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
The nubs are disturbing. They fall out. A lot of people doing it and getting approved to do it way too soon. They're not trained. Do you know
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Dude, Monica, if you want to fix anything with your teeth, the thing to do is you get what's it called? Composite. Bonding. Because I had like a chip on this tooth and I was like, can you just fix that? They filled it in with a tooth colored thing and I was like, well, this tooth is kind of too far back. Can you just put tooth on top of it? And he's like, yeah.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I was like, did I just make something up? Because I was going to have that tooth removed and a new one in, but I just put tooth on top of it to make it even with the front
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Build it up. Just put composite on. It falls off every month or so, but you get it put back. It's like an $80 copay. It's way cheaper than veneers.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
So teeth, an issue for sure. Having a tall forehead. One time a guy that liked me and I didn't like him back was just like, I just noticed your forehead goes on for a really long time. And so that stuck with me. And then I started seeing it. Didn't notice it before. Also hair falling out. I was anorexic when I was 18. So a lot of it fell out then.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I kind of set things up so that I can't be because I'm so worried about the roast or I'm so worried about the globes that it's almost like, oh, I have to do Stern, too. So it kind of takes away from that.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And then since then, if a hair just gets caught on something and pulls out like in a clip, I feel it all day long. It's an OCD thing where I like feel the little spot and I look at the hair and I'm like, you weren't ready. I go like, this hair has been with me through so much. Like this was when I did the roast, like all my career moments. And I just go like, I can't believe it's just gone now.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And it's going to take so long to grow that all back. Everyone who does my hair knows if I go, they're like, they just stop. I've gotten better about it because it's an irrational fear. And I often have my friends send me like, how much hair do you pull out in the shower? Will you just send me a picture? I need verification because it only pops up, by the way, when I'm stressed out.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I was literally, I should have said it. Damn it. I was literally going to take a picture of you later to show it. Because it's good.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
If you were my friend, I would never ask to see your hair wall because I can't compare it because you're allowed to lose bunches and bunches of hair. I lose so much hair. Not to take anything from you. You can feel bad about losing hair too, but you don't deserve to. No.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I won't be sending you my hair wall. That's a bitch to blow dry, right?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I love when things happen last minute or they kind of just are thrust upon you. I don't like to have a lot of time to think about things because when I do, I freak out. So everything in my life is five minutes before every appointment. My assistant will be like, do you want 30 minutes between that? I go, for what? To think about what I've just done? So no, everything's stacked.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I hadn't noticed yet, but I was like, I think I can think of three things.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Chris is so funny. She is. Great tits over there, but you're not proud of those? I'm proud of them when I'm naked, but I don't love it in clothes. Got it. I'll agree with you. When I have a bra that makes me look more stacked, I feel a little bit chunkier. Exactly. It like distorts your body. It does. Okay, I hear that. And then just, you know, body. This week it's my leg skin.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I like saw some pictures from my tour that were backstage. There's a crepeyness starting.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Like an old circus tent that's been weathered. It's okay. It has to happen. People can't lie to me and say it's not. My girl's chat is like, it's not, I don't see it. And I go, look, and I give evidence.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yes. That kind of crepiness skin on the thigh and then the skin above the knees is starting to fold over and there's like a deep line here that bothered me. Do they do knee tucks? I heard they do. I'm looking at my schedule. I go, when am I getting a brow lift? When am I getting my knees done? My knees done.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
To do whatever Dr. Diamond told me would make me look like I hadn't done anything.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It really was. I would have canceled anything for it, but it was nice that I didn't have to because I never take a break. My vacation would have been just healing with like straws in my face.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And now they're all starting chin surgery too now. Implants? Yeah, chin implants.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I don't know if they do it in Turkey, but that's the new male plastic surgery thing. Everyone's going to be doing it. Like if you've seen some leading men starting to look a little bit more leading, that's probably what's happening because it's a subtle adjustment that makes face look more masculine. And that's kind of what it's trending towards.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
There are nine year olds who are like mewing now to get that jawline. It's sad when men start to have the same insecurities that we've all dealt with as women for so long. But they've always been there.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And you guys don't get makeup. Yeah. You just have to be what you are. So it makes sense why we're like, why do they just get to be who they are? Because they don't really have a lot of options. So they might as well accept themselves. That's a great take. I just came up with it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
You can't. There would be options. If you have a zit, you can't cover it. You just have to have a gaping wound and we get to stuff it with dirt clay and wonder why it keeps reinfecting and coming back.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
That sucks for men with acne that they don't have makeup.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Even though we look like it's like a little anthill. Yeah, you can still see it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I used to pick at my skin because when I was malnourished and had anxiety, it was just open sores around my face. I used to be bulimic too. That's why I quit throwing up. Like, thank God it was a vanity thing because... I was sick of cleaning toilets and I was also sick of having mouth acne that I would pick at. I would be nervous backstage before going on, pick at it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I could feel it bleeding because I'd do the check and I'm like, oh my God, there's blood. I'm walking with blood. Then I put something on it to like cake it up and I'm like, okay, I hope it stays. And then you walk out and you're like, good evening Milwaukee. And you smile in a way it's like crack and it just starts running down your face. It would happen so often.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Thank God acne is behind me in my life. That was a huge struggle for a really long time. And seeing my sister never have to deal with
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
She's 18 months younger, but perfect, silky, thick hair, never had to get braces, born with straight teeth, veneer teeth, never had acne. Yeah, but does she have a good personality? She does. No. Like, she doesn't even know she's hot. Like, she could have been a model, actress, all these things, and she's just like, yeah, she's pretty amazing. I don't know if she's content.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
She's like a mom of three, just making it work. She's a teacher. She was a teacher. She actually stopped teaching, and now she's a teacher. That was rough. That's a lot of stress. She taught for 10 years Spanish in our old high school. She was great at it, but it was just too hard. She has insecurities just like everyone else, but I had a rough time growing up with that.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
She was much more popular than I was. The boys in my grade liked her and had crushes on her. She'd be the type of girl that I'd have all my girlfriends over and my sister would come in and talk to us and then my sister would leave and they'd all go, oh! She's so pretty. A reaction that I would never get. Just that kind of thing of like, wow, that's what I want.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Just strangers telling my mom that this child should model and then I'm just standing there. Rude things. And I was just sensitive. So I picked up on it like that's your value and I don't have it. And so just really resenting that I was born not as pretty as I could have been. My parents' DNA made that. Why did it fuck up this way?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I used to yell at my mom and be like, you knew there was ugly in your family tree and you risked it with me. And she's like, you shut up. She would be so mad at me. But I used to get really venomous about how mad I was. And people saying, you look nothing like your sister.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Always getting told I look like my dad, which no matter how hot your dad is. Yeah, you don't.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
You never want to hear you look like your dad. I see it now and I'm like, okay, I'll take it because he is a gangly guy and you saying your hair is the thing. My legs I used to be really insecure about because they're more muscular and my sisters were just model thin. But now I love my legs. I get a lot of compliments on it and people are like, what do you do for them?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And I'm like, it's just my dad's legs. Like I just got lucky and it made me realize that so much of what I resent women for having is just same as my legs of like, I didn't do anything for them. I just was born with this and I just got lucky in this one. I have a dad bod for having my body. It gave me some perspective of when I attribute perfection onto people.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I shouldn't hate that girl for being hot. She didn't mean to be. It's not her fault.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And that's what I like to remember when I'm feeling ugly is like, Nikki, okay, so there's a lot of action going on when you wiggle your arm. The other day I looked at my arm in the mirror. I just saw straight on and it looked like a scrotum hanging, a ball sack. And my friends were like, no, it doesn't. And I sent them a picture and they were all quiet afterwards. Like they couldn't say no.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It's like either talk about anal or your addictions and your neuroses. Which are all the same thing, really. Yeah, they really are. They're connected. Yeah, they're all connected. Absolutely. I tend to underprepare so that when it goes poorly, I have an excuse. I think that's also why I stack my life is so that I don't have time to prepare. So I always have an excuse for when I'm not good.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
But I was like, If I could snap my fingers and not have that, I would. Clearly, I'm not choosing this. It's not my fault. Why do I have to feel like I failed in some way or I'm a bad person? I didn't choose this. I wouldn't want this. Yes, there's probably exercises I could do to make it go away, but I don't have time for them. That doesn't make me a bad person.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I just get wrapped up in all the things I should be doing. You could afford a facelift. Why aren't you getting one? You could afford this laser treatment. Why aren't you doing it? Even the more money you make and the more opportunities you have to have avenues to look hotter... If you don't do them, you feel like you're failing in some way. And I hate that feeling.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Who could make the most babies for the village? Who could watch the pot boil? Who could take care of the kids? It all leads itself to do they have the hip to waist ratio that suggests they can carry more children? You want to get mad and think it's so vapid for men to assess us that way. And yeah, I appreciate you saying it's because I was a man and I was able to shift like that. I never arrived.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I was like, I just have to keep pursuing being hot or talented in some way, which I wasn't talented. That was the other thing I didn't find because I wasn't able to get big and loud and funny. because I didn't want people to go, well, you're also ugly. That wasn't an option to be big. So I just waited till I found a talent and I didn't have one until I started stand-up comedy.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Literally tried everything. And that was really frustrating.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I have the greatest parents imaginable. I think it's I had a mom that just never liked the way she looked and was never pretty, never thin enough. But I was really tuned in with celebrity culture. So all that stuff got in. I wanted to be famous. So it's like I need to look like Paris Hilton, Jennifer Aniston.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Not even hot. Very uncomfortable when someone's like lusting for me. I want the approval that comes with it outside of someone actually putting anything in me. Yeah, attractive. I just want people to be like, I want to be her. I guess that's what I want. Oh, that's so embarrassing to admit. No, we all, no. I used to want that. My parents, we love watching TV. I wanted to be on TV.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I wanted to be seen by them in that way and be like, wow, that's extraordinary. I'm an Enneagram three. So my worth is determined by if I am extraordinary. I do things that people go, holy shit, how could she do that? I was always like looking for that in terms of looks. I felt like that was the only way to achieve that. I was a fine actress, but just didn't get
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
cast in things in high school and was like, that's the only way to be on TV is to act. And so audition for theater school didn't get into any and was like, what am I going to fucking do? I've said this before. I was like, I'm just going to have to kill myself someday because that is a failed life.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
If my only dream in life is to be on TV and be a personality, like a performer, and I don't do it and I just have to watch people do it forever, I'll eventually have to kill myself. And that sucks. Oh, I have to do that someday. It was kind of like a thing I have to do someday. Like, oh, it's not now, but soon.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yeah, a year. The first thing I was really good at was not eating. That was the first thing that I was like, whoa. Talk about getting confidence from something because this just came to me a couple months ago when I was trying to like think about what led me to do that and why did I stick with it and why did I get such a rush from it?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Because when you're coming up in diet culture in the 90s and early 2000s, being able to not eat is maybe the best superpower imaginable for a woman. Every person around me is trying not to eat the brownie, not having dressing on the salad. And I have no problem doing that. I get high from it. I struggled with my weight earlier on and was trying diets.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I was never fat, but needed to drop probably 10 or 15 pounds. I worked at a pizzeria and just ate too much and stopped playing field hockey and stuff. So I got a little bigger and people were starting to notice. So I tried stuff to lose weight. It was hard. I remember being like, I wish I could get anorexia. The same joke that most women make.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And then it happened because I got nervous about a boy who liked me. I had been really scared of boys and sex and I hadn't kissed a boy. It was my senior year of high school. I think I'd kissed one boy and it was a truth or dare thing. So it didn't count. It was a guy I really liked for so long.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I won a date with him because I rigged a singled out type contest at our school where I had my friends tell me who to pick because I wanted to pick this guy, Mike. And so I had them kind of do a signal to me. Oh, So I got a date with him and then he seemed to want to go on this date that I won for this charity school thing. We had like a date planned and I was so nervous about it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I just couldn't eat that day. And that shows up quickly on me and my face. And someone said something the next day that was like, you look great. And it was a girl whose opinion about me meant so much. And I was still nervous. And so I just kept going as long as I could. And then it was just, let's just never eat again. I was just too young to understand this isn't going to work forever.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
His parents worked at Culver's. Was it a Capulet Montague's thing?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Did you even say like, but they don't. Did you protest it at first or did you know what it meant?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
You never even have an interaction. Just unavailable men. You can never get rejected by them. Yeah.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It's not worth it. I understand being that guarded because it can destroy you for decades. Without it, I'm good. I'm thriving.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yeah. Obviously, people have asked you out through this. When you're pursued, do you feel like they're flawed in some way for liking you?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
They have bad taste. Yes. I get it. Totally. And I need someone with good taste. So we're in a bad cycle here. Oh my God, you're so wrong. Like you are such a prize. My boyfriend, I've been with him for like 13 years off and on. And I'm not even joking you. It was just this past May that I accepted that he has great taste and he likes me and I have to trust that. Yeah. And he chose me.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I didn't trick him in any way. And that I am really spectacular. It only was this last May. And that's why I liked him for so long, too, was because I thought I was winning him over. He was better than me. So it takes forever. But I think just one day you'll get it. I have no doubt in May. We were breaking up, but it was funny because I was doing it in public so it wouldn't get too heated.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I just didn't want it to end in us yelling. Not that we're yelly people, but I felt like it could go that way. And I just didn't want it to go on too long. But then the restaurant closed and so we didn't have time to break up. And we were supposed to go to a concert right after this. So we still go to the concert because we're in this nebulous stage. It seems like it's ending.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
But at the dinner when we're breaking up, I go, I'm bored. And he was like, OK, but... You're one of the most boring people I've ever met. This was the week right after the roast, by the way, when I was one of the most Googled people on earth. So it was kind of funny to me that he said that because I'm like, that's not my insecurity. I kind of laughed when he said it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I know what he meant because I don't like doing things. I'm kind of like a homebody and I don't really like socializing too much. I don't like outdoor activities and sports. And he likes all those things. And I'm always insecure about not liking that stuff because my mom's like that. And my dad is a really big go-getter.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And my dad always punished my mom for that unintentionally, but made her feel bad about it. You just like to sit on the couch and watch TV and nap.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
and why don't you ever like to do anything and I always was like I don't want to be like that but I am like that but Chris said to me you're one of those boring people alive by the way if you're bored it's because you're boring that old trope and he said to me even though you're boring I accept that about you I'm never gonna throw that in your face I'm never gonna make you feel bad about not wanting to do things and for whatever reason I don't know if it relates exactly to realizing I'm lovable but it does because I was like I can't change the fact that I like to lay on the couch and watch
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
watch TV and be on my phone. I've always felt guilty about that. And I always felt like he was going to at some point just get fed up and he should be with a girl who likes hiking and likes jet skiing and likes to go meet people and talk to the waiter about how their weekend was. He deserves that. And I used to say that to him. He's like, stop saying that. And he's like, I don't want that.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And I just trusted him for the first time. Like he's not going to use it against me like my dad has with my mom.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I was because he loves me unconditionally. And I just felt like there were some conditions that I was holding back that once he finds this thing out.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And I've since let him know those conditions. And he's just like, yeah, I know you smoke weed sometimes and hide it from me. He's like, you're not tricking anyone. And by the way, I know I told you I quit smoking weed. I do. And he's like, you're not hiding it well. I've noticed. I just figure it's your thing. I don't need to be involved. It doesn't seem to be ruining your life.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
The whole time I'm thinking, I can't believe I'm hiding this thing from him. I feel so bad. We still don't talk about it. That's the thing. I'm trying to figure out a way to work on stage because pot smoking for me is like this thing I can't quite let go of in my life that I come back to and I feel, oh, it's not great for my life, but it's not too bad. So I have a lot of guilt about it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And I don't tell him when I do it. And sometimes I'm around him and I'm a little high and he doesn't seem to notice. And maybe he does, but he doesn't confront me.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yeah, he probably doesn't. He used to in the past, I think. And that's why I have it in my head. Because he's broken up with me over it before. Because I was like, I want to be someone who gets high before a Fleetwood Mac concert. And he's like, when are we going to Fleetwood Mac? I'm like, I don't know if we're at a Wilco show. I just want to be able to smoke a joint that someone passes me.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
He's like, I don't know this person. Because it wasn't who I am. I was just trying to push him away. But anyway, I was thinking about it. I'm like, am I allowed to do this thing that I don't need to tell him I'm doing every time, even though I feel guilty about it? Why don't tell him every time I shit? As far as he does, I don't shit. I close the door every time.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
We don't talk about any of my issues in that area. Maybe it's that, but I'm rationalizing it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
What if I'm honest on a podcast he doesn't listen to? But he could listen to.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
all the places i talk about it openly he doesn't listen but he could like it's there we've talked about it in therapy and i've cried about it because he doesn't want to know why is it bad he's never had any drug in his life he's never drank he's never done anything it's not even a christian thing it's a control thing he noticed his friends being drunk and he's like i don't want to look like that and so he just never did and i think it's a little bit of the dare program there's a reefer madness type of like yes you're a loser a little bit he doesn't want a girlfriend hitting a bong and it's dirty but
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And that is what he would say. Nikki, why don't you say that part to them?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I love that you're holding it out because I could be friends with people for years and I'll see you do it. I go, when did that start? Years. They can hide it so well. So there's a shame around this stuff.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I one time went out before a set on Hollywood Boulevard to smoke a little pipe and I turn around and a homeless man, we have the same pipe. It's the same green color. Like we're both blocking the wind.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yeah, it was a real eye opener. And I kept doing it for months after that. But if I just go, I need this, you know, it's bad, but you're not a bad person and you're doing your best.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
You're right, because when I'm honest about what weed does for me, it's the one thing I still have guilt over in terms of all my addictive behaviors. I was like, what does it give me? To be honest, it just gives me instant relief from depression, from suicidal thoughts. And it medicinally offers that to me in a short term.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It can sometimes backfire and I say a dumb thing or I wouldn't do it before something like this. And I have in the past.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
That's the tricky part of it. It picks me up out of a depressive state like...
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
almost nothing else i've ever found can alcohol used to but it's so obviously sloppy but weed i can function no one calls me out for it people don't really notice i can see it and i'm sure people do notice it affects me being smart and funny but then sometimes it makes me smarter and funnier what if you're the third smartest and funniest and not the second or first oh i'm laid out well no no see that's an unacceptable but it's you're taylor swift of comedy
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
That's the only thing I've ever wanted to hear in my life.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And I hope you don't think that's an ugly joke because I want to be very clear about that because I say that I'm a rangy broad in terms of my looks. If I have enough makeup, I can look like Kristen Bell. But my boyfriend every day wakes up to Dax Shepard. That's a woman looking like a man joke. But you are a hot guy. So I felt like I could say that and not thank you.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yeah. OK, because as you were saying the stuff before, I'm like, oh, my God, that other joke. But he interpreted because it wouldn't even occur to me that you could. But I'm glad you did it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Taylor had something to prove. Even showing up on the scene, coming out as a country artist and then making it into pop music and winning album of the year for Fearless. And then people saying like other people wrote that. And she's like, well, the next album I'm going to write all by myself. And look how great it does. She definitely is inspired by people doubting her.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I wish someone would have told me earlier on whenever someone's like, what would you tell your younger self? Any young people listening or any people with kids listening, if your kid isn't good at something right away, like a natural, Please know, and you might not even know this because I don't think I would have known this as an adult had I not experienced it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And I think we all hear this, but we don't let it sink in. The difference between great and good is just hard work. Someone can be great and some people are just naturals, but mostly anyone can reach those levels if you just work hard enough. You can catch up to anyone who in high school is the quarterback. Just work hard enough and you can be Tom Brady. That was all work, he put it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I just wish someone would have told me that because I always thought growing up it was like you either got it or you don't.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I was just reading a book called The Anatomy of a Breakthrough because I felt stuck after the Golden Globes. I took a month off and was just like, how do I even write again? I don't even know. It has really been helping me. There's this one part about the guy that race solo climbs. I haven't seen that movie because it just makes my legs feel weird even thinking about him.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
But reading about how when he approaches a climb, everyone's like, what if you don't do that? He's like, I've done it so many times before with the ropes that there's no chance anything bad will happen. There's no room for error. And if the wind is off that day or that temperature or there's rain or I'm feeling weird, it won't happen. It's so practice that it can't go wrong.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And I realized, oh, my God, I totally free soloed the Globes and the Tom Brady roast, which I didn't even intend to. I was just like, oh, just do the set as many times as you can to try out which jokes are best. I said the Globes monologue so many goddamn times that it was locked in and people are like, are you nervous? And I was like, no, because it's. It's like just one other time.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It's just one other time. There's no room for error. I don't like doing things that are room for error. That's why I don't like doing improv. That scares the shit out of me. Crowd work is a struggle for me. I need to know it'll go the way I want it to.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
You know, the movie Baby Girl, where she likes to be talked to like a dog, trained, like good girl, that kind of stuff.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yes. Not that I'm a hypersexual person anymore. Things are changing hormonally, but things that I've been into and things that I watch, it's the girls out of control. She's not telling anyone what to do. She's being told what to do. So I find it there. But I'm trying to see if any other, doesn't pot sort of do that? Oh my God, you're so right.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Because sometimes just because I want to feel adrenaline, I'll smoke before I go on stage because I'm like, you got to try, bitch. Like you can't go on autopilot. You got to think about what you're doing. You're high. Are you going to remember even what you're talking about right now to finish the sentence?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I love being like, oh, my God, I don't know the end of this joke. And I'm telling it right now. Is it going to come to me? Yes. The craziest moment of my life. I don't even like to think about it. You know, you have those moments where it's like near death moments. You don't even like to think about when you almost walked in front of a train or something because you're like, oh.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It was at the I Heart Awards or something. And Usher was hosting and he pulled me up to dance, which was really awkward. It was hell. I got like last on Dancing with the Stars. A really deep insecurity of mine is that I can't dance. And so I just don't like to be forced. And with Usher, like the best dancer in the world. And it was in front of Machine Gun Kelly.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And I remember Megan Fox is sitting next to him and they're all kind of watching this awkward thing. And I brought as my date, my Dancing with the Stars partner who had seen me fail already. And I'm dancing in front of him. It's I'm trying to get some kind of control back in this narrative of dancing. And I'm just thrust into this. And Usher was singing a song right before it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It was a Michael Jackson song. I just didn't know the words to. Everyone else seemed to. And he put the mic in my face. Oh, no. Usher, if you would have given me one of your songs, I would have nailed it. But I don't know this obscure. It was to me. This is literally my nightmare. So that already happened. This is not live on TV, but it's the whole audience. It was at the Dolby or something.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It's thousands of people. And it's kind of after the show and Usher is just dancing. And so I had to do this awkward dance. And then I was like, Usher, can I just have the mic? I just need to do one thing I'm good at, which is talking into a mic. So I was like, can I just say how embarrassing that just was? I got last on Dancing with the Stars. I did my Dancing with the Stars bit.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I always say on Dancing with the Stars, I got first voted off. And I say in front of my dance partner, Gleb Shevchenko, who is as hot as his name is disgusting. And so I have my bits. I wasn't trying to make it about me. I was just trying to get a couple jokes in. And I go, everyone in the audience, I want you to know what I'm feeling right now.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
The thing you're worst at in the world that has been determined on ABC that you are terrible at. And you have to do it in front of Usher. And I go, Machine Gun Kelly? And... And I forgot Megan Fox's name. As I'm saying Machine Gun Kelly, I'm going, and it was probably to me, 20 seconds of like, what is her? And at the last second, it just Megan Fox, but it was so close.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And I go, what would have happened had I not remembered? That's why I can't fucking just riff. Like I can't be trusted. It's like your life flashes before your eyes. I'm not remembering Megan Fox's fucking name. But thankfully it came out. But one of those moments, you're always putting yourself in bad situations.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
This is the worst part of my job is that I make people feel this way.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
That's what I learned from the corporate gig I did in October. That was the worst I've ever bombed in recent memory. Tell us that. It was more money than I've been offered for a gig ever. You know, can't turn it down kind of money.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And I was like, yeah. And I even think I said, this doesn't seem ideal because it was for a vague hedge fund. Not even a hedge fund. It's like a group. It was like a conference for rich people to go and do fireside chats and just different activities to learn how to destroy the earth and profit from it. Sure, yeah. And it was just a bunch of media moguls. But I didn't read the fine print.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I was just like, yeah. And then it shows up way sooner than I thought. It was like, oh, well, that's in October. I think I said yes to it in August. That seems forever. And then it was like the day before I hadn't done anything for it. I had shows all weekend. I just was like, I'll just write some jokes right before it. So I was underprepared for sure.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And then I'm trying to memorize all the jokes that I'm writing before. And because I saw it going bad because they sent me a picture of the setup and it's on a beach and it's in the round. People don't realize it's so important for comedy. You need a ceiling. You need dark in the room.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
So people can laugh at inappropriate things and not feel like their coworkers or their peers or their wife is going to be like, you relate to that or you think that? So they need to be in the dark. Stand-up comedy, I think, shouldn't be a surprise. I don't think anyone's ever excited about a stand-up comedian coming in. At the end of a long day, it was like 9.30 at night before the DJ.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
They just wanted to get drunk and get loose. The end of the long day of all these meetings and they're like, and we have a special guest and I'm doing an hour. Comedy should really never go more than 40 minutes long. And Kevin Hart's there, but he just has to do a fireside chat. I actually ran into one of the guys that was at the show at the Golden Globes party, and he was like, I was there.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Or no, he was like, I booked you. He's the guy that booked me. He's like, I want to have you back because we didn't nail it for you. It wasn't good. I'm sorry. It was a beat. I did the same thing you were saying. I want the redo for the story. Yeah. I told the story of this gig on Kimmel and it made it all worth it. This would have just been a thing I never remembered.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And I wouldn't have grown from it. Now I can accept those gigs and not have fear because I know what needs to go into them to do well. So Kevin Hart was there. I say hi to him before it and I'm like, this is going to be bad. Don't watch. He's like, no. I'm going to stay. By the end of it, he was gone because I was like, let me do some Kevin Hart roast jokes I didn't do at the Tom Brady roast.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And he was long gone. I walked Kevin. What's his name? The host of The Bachelor was there. The one that was canceled. Chris Harrison was there for some reason. He didn't say hi afterwards. It was so lonely. You have to walk through the crowd. If it would be nice to just go backstage and they literally, after I said goodnight, couldn't hold the applause. The stage was as big as this table.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I just stepped two feet. And by the time I hit the sand, the applause was over. And then it was just crunch, crunch, crunch through the sand. My heels just digging in. I don't mind if an audience actively doesn't like me or is like that joke's inappropriate because I'm like, I know it's not. And you're just uptight and you need some kind of identity, which is to be offended. And I can come at you.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
But when they're just like embarrassed for you, they're right.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And the pity, the guy at the party was like, well, I will say you were doing jokes about molesting your nephew. And I go, wait, no, no, no, no. I did it about the idea of molesting. And he was like, what's the fucking difference? And I go, well, there is one. It's nuanced. I go, you're so right. The material was so inappropriate for that event, but that's what my act is right now.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
So next time I do these gigs, I would love to do them, but I want to be hired to roast the people. And then I will have a plan. I won't have to go into my dumb act
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I will say that sometimes I've done a roast and they'll find something about me that I'm like, I thought it was just a me thing that I say to my friends and they go, no one else sees that about you. And then someone else has seen it. And so sometimes it can hurt a lot. But generally, I've bullied myself more than anyone possibly could.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I'm so glad. I did some interview ages ago. But when I get jealous, I think mean things. I was really into her at the time. And I just saw the friends she kept. I was like, oh, I don't fit in there. So I just said something about how she just has model friends and commented about her size, too.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And then in the documentary comes out, she was struggling with eating issues, which you have as well, which I had already been through in my life. But at the time, I was also not in recovery for eating stuff. So I got myself to a good place weight wise that no one would know I ate.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
had food issues but I was still chasing that and I wasn't good at it anymore looking like that I couldn't do it and so I resented it I mouthed off on a thing that I thought no one would hear which doesn't excuse it because now I know it gets out and it ends up in her documentary and I felt just so bad not because I'm busted people know I'm mean or something it was just she saw that maybe she wouldn't have seen it had it not ended up in the doc but she definitely saw her own documentary like she's seen
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
me say that. And that's the person I like the most in this world that brings me the most joy. I made them maybe feel sad. Couldn't handle it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yeah, it was embarrassing. If you have a bad run in with someone or you make someone uncomfortable.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I was like, you don't deserve her music. You hurt her. You contributed to her wanting to go away.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And their response when I first was like, hey, I think I'm in this documentary because I just heard my voice in the trailer. And my friends were like, that's not you. You would never say that. And I go, yes, I would. Because I say it about you, bitch. They were like, you love her. I'm like, I know, but you should hear what I say about you. Anyone I'm jealous of. This is the old me.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
you learn lessons through hurting people feeling really bad about it and then deciding you're allowed to make mistakes I allow that for myself now at the time I don't think I even allowed it as much but I learned from that because I knew that a letter wasn't going to get to her or I wouldn't be able to know it so I was just like I'll just put out a public thing and that's the only way and I didn't even know if she would see her or not but as soon as I did I was like I
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
put out an apology that wasn't just trying to let the public think I'm OK again. I knew it was about me letting go of that because I could listen to her music afterwards. I was like, OK, I repented. I really do feel bad. I owned it. I said everything that I needed to to not excuse myself, but to explain myself and actually say why this won't happen again and be honest.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
But that joke, the reason I didn't do it, you know, the joke was everyone from TV and movies come together for one common goal to get out of here without Dax Shepard asking them to do their podcast.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And I just felt like now I'm finally, in the words of Taylor Swift, clean.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
yeah i love that i'm finally clean yes and then she commented on it oh i didn't even know i was on a date later that night and i put my phone away just to pretend like i was a girl that doesn't check her phone and like oh i don't need it he was a comedian went down to go to a set and i instantly check my phone when he goes down and i have dozens of text messages being like did you see and she wrote something back i only read it once because i can't handle it it was very nice from my memory of it it was just something of like this means so much to me and um it's a great example of being able to explain your vulnerability she just got it she
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I fully got what I was doing. And I love apologizing now when I can really get down to why it happened and own it and be like, I was just insecure. I was jealous that you're thin. I want to be your friend. I didn't see myself fitting in and I lashed out and that's what it is. And it's nothing more. It's nothing to do with you.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Sometimes I find myself when I slip up, if I am really close to someone who maybe works with me and they're working with me because I want them to have to be friends with me. And I obviously want their...
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
expertise with me but then they kind of grow up and they're ready to spread their wings and fly i've in years past said things that would maybe make them feel insecure and they called me out and i go what is this and i go because i don't want them to leave yeah it's because i know they're so good for you for realizing it's a thing i have to check because i've had it done to me back to the boys a confident version of them wouldn't want to be friends with you
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
yes or unless I pay them they're not gonna leave you and it's just not true I've been able to keep those friendships but it's just the more I can admit my flaws like you said if I'm not ashamed of it if I can say yeah I was jealous of Taylor Swift for being skinny I went on this podcast and I talked about JLo I watched JLo's documentaries and I used to be not a hater but kind of like a lot of society or culturally so things about she can't sing or can't
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Okay, first of all, it doesn't work because everyone does want to do your podcast. So I was testing it out around town and because you're not known as a podcast that's like, oh, I got to go do this. It's funny because your name is great. It adds a good joke texture. It sounds like a vape company. It's got a good mouth feel. What did you say?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
A lot of hate because everyone's so fucking jealous of her.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
She's so beautiful. She actually can sing really well. She's a passionate, fearless creator and performer. She made a documentary with her own money to tell the story of her rekindling romance that ended up not going well. She knew it could have maybe not. out there for people to consume and judge. And people did. That's ballsy. And I'm actually kind of jealous of that kind of risk taking.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And so what do I do? I have to shit on it. And then I watched her documentaries and I was like, man, she's fucking cool. And I'm lame. Any kind of hate I have for her is pure jealousy. And I talked about a podcast. She reached out to me and now we're friends. I love that. And now I couldn't love her more. I see totally through every preconceived notion I had about her.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yes, because you secretly want it, but you're not willing to do what she's doing to get it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Let's say it's the same motivation. Well, she went and got it. You are scared people are going to go. He needs attention. So what do you do? You shit on her so that you sell yourself the story that people are going to say that about you if you do it, which causes you to not do it. I always make fun of people who do cringe things online.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I used to if someone's doing something comedically and taking a chance or showing their stomach fat or doing something that's really vulnerable that you told yourself you wouldn't be lovable if you did. I'll make fun of that person to my friends behind their back because then when I want to do something like that, I'll go, Nikki, don't because people will make fun of you.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I have to create a narrative so that I don't take those chances. Usually everything that I hate on is jealousy. Yeah. And it's kind of fun to unpack it and kind of go, oh, it all whittles down to that. The more exhausting it gets to be anyone but myself, the better for me. That is the best thing about aging is that it just becomes too tiring to try. Yeah.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And then people end up liking you so much more when you don't.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And you go, I could have just been doing this the whole time. But you really can't because you can't get there any sooner than you get there.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yeah. I actually met her before I was a huge Swifty during her red tour. I got invited because a show on MTV and they invite us backstage and I got a moment with her.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Not even. I want to just be a fan. I just really like being a Swifty and I want to keep it. I like putting her on this pedestal that she probably doesn't even want to be on. I like feeling like a little girl when I'm at the shows. That's why I go to 22 shows. It's four hours of the best dopamine release I've ever had in my life. I feel like the happiest person I've ever felt.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I can't risk losing that. So right now, what we have is so perfect of her being this pop star that I admire.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
We were really trying to rack our brains of who's a celebrity in that room who people are trying to avoid a conversation with. And I don't even think we landed on it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I think I heard Ellen on Jay Leno's Tonight Show talk about quitting that way, quitting smoking. I heard maybe Ashton Kutcher. It was a couple of celebrities had talked about it. And I was like, oh, I'll just get the book to see what happens. And then I was ready to quit smoking. And I just was like, I'll read it because you get to smoke while you read it. That's the thing that made me go, OK.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
great. And then by the end of it, he goes, have your last cigarette. But I bet you don't want one. And he's right. You just don't want one. And I could not have explained that to my smoking self. But I promise you, it just worked on me. And so drinking, I wasn't ready to let go of anytime soon. At that point, I quit smoking, I think 2009. So I need two more years with drinking.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And then I hit a bottom in Cleveland after a weekend of shows. I was supposed to go see the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame one morning, but I was hung over and I couldn't go. And I'm like, oh, this is affecting me seeing Britney Spears sequined outfit from the 2000s VMAs. This is becoming unmanageable. Like if I can't see John Lennon's sunglasses or whatever. And so...
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I was puking all day and I had already bought the book because I just knew I was circling the drain and I just needed that one moment to go. I'm going to read it. So as soon as I flew back to New York, I grabbed the book and I started reading it. The drinking one. If you're interested in this, people go, which one? Because there's lots of them. Just whichever one.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
The one for women, the one for controlling drinking, whatever you want to do. I don't think you can really control drinking, but give it a whirl.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yeah. Alan Carr died of lung cancer, oddly enough, because he smoked for like 30 something years, but eventually created this method, quit. It robs you of any reason you have to do it. Any excuse you have of like, it makes me more social. Let's piece that apart. Actually, we're going to prove to you without a question of a doubt that it doesn't make you more social. It makes me more brave.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
OK, well, then firefighters would be getting loaded before they ran into burning buildings. They're not. It's not bravery. It makes you dumb. That's the bravery. You're saying things that you wouldn't normally say.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Exactly. You're becoming dumb. It's dominating you. And so all the excuses that you had, it relaxes you. Then it proves that it doesn't. It actually causes way more anxiety. So you're kind of left with no reason to do it. They found that for a lot of people's addictions, I guess, when they have no reason to do it, they don't need to do it because you're always making excuses of why you need it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And that's why I haven't read the pot book yet, because I'm not ready to give it up because I know it'll work.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It went to pot. It went to sex, just things that weren't as detrimental. It was really the hangover that I was avoiding more than anything. So it was food mostly because of my history with anorexia. After I gained enough weight to like not be a death's door, I just went to like binge eating and bulimia was always in some kind of eating disorder state. Then it was like 10 years.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It was COVID where my life got small and then the food just filled up. So my life was so busy because it kept me from eating all the time. And then I was just uncontrollable around food.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
He has a book for emotional eating and it did kind of work. But it is a spiritual problem that I have. I don't think people know that if you're starving yourself or if you're bulimic or if you're overeating or whatever it is, there's a place for you. There's a 12 step for you that might not sound like the place you should go because you might be an under eater.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
But there's a blank anonymous that has a place for you that I didn't know about and didn't consider because I was like, Like that's not for me, but it helped so much. And I've been sober from starving myself for four years. I've been off gum for four years. Gum was a big thing for me. I get sores in my mouth. It was like cigarettes, two packs a day of this Trident.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It's this trickier thing because you have to find your own sobriety.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yeah, you define your own thing. So mine for a while was don't eat in bed. And then I was like staying in hotel rooms where I was like, well, there's no table. So let's amend this one. Now mine is if you're hungry, you don't get to keep going. You have to eat. So the first second that I'm like, I'm hungry. I don't get to be like, yeah, let's ride this out. That's not negotiable.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Because I used to get like, oh, my body is eating itself. I'm doing something productive. Let's ride this. You don't get to do that anymore. Other girls get to do that. That's a very common thing I hear about all the time of like, I skipped breakfast. I don't get that luxury. No, I can't be trusted with starving.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I think that's a big part of it, too, is just hearing people you would never, ever hear their stories and just learning how to be just vulnerable around strangers and feeling in a safe space. It's good for everyone. I'm always like, I wish there was one for just a normal person. And there is. It's called Al-Anon because everyone can call someone in their life. So there is a room for you.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Teaching you empathy. It's amazing. It's a lost part of our culture to share and to be part of a community. And yeah, it gives you that. But it's a lot of work. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's the problem I have. But man, when you're doing it, it feels good. It's like meditating. It's always like I have time to work out or meditate. And they say you should just meditate instead of work out.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And sometimes it's just so hard to sit and meditate, even though I always feel better after it. Do you guys meditate?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Howard sold me on that big time. That really helped with my depression for a while until I stopped doing it. Yeah.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
But then it stopped working because I wasn't doing it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
You take the medicine and then you're like, I feel great. And you're like, I don't need to take this anymore. Why do we all do that with everything? It's a big deficiency for human brains. I'm prescribed ADD meds and I feel so amazing on them. I feel like it's cheating. And so I won't take them because I feel like I can't Lance Armstrong life like this. I'll feel guilty.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I can't be proud of my accomplishments because it's a pill. I tell my doctor, I can't take it because I feel like it makes me feel too good. And he's like, isn't that good? And I'm like, but I just feel like I'm tricking you. He's like, you aren't tricking me. You didn't want this. I am a doctor. Don't insult me like that. But I kind of like feeling bad, I guess. I feel like I deserve it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I saw Jesse Eisenberg talking on CBS Sunday morning about volunteering during COVID. He moved back to Bloomington and worked at like a shelter. He was the happiest he ever was. We had him on too. So why did he go back to this then? Because I was like, well, I want to go just do an animal sanctuary. I have enough money that I'd be fine the rest of my life.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Why don't I just go rehabilitate goats and teach pigs how to walk again?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I think you have a lot of bad person. Yes. There's a lot of bad person driving you. Because you say a shitty thing about someone you love and then people point out even that Taylor Swift thing. I'm like, I am a bad person. If I would have just seen that as a Swifty, I'd be like, fuck that girl. She's a mean girl. And it's like, am I secretly a mean girl? And I'm like, I don't think so.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
No, I'm just like, sorry that you got to deal with that chick. There's nothing worse than feeling ugly. And I feel ugly a lot too. And for me to hear you say you feel ugly is probably the way that people feel when I say it because I know I'm not like a total dog.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Like part of my brain thinking I might be a sociopath, but I've learned that sociopaths don't question it and they don't want to fix it.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
That's why I like to explore on stages my darkest thoughts. And then hearing people laugh, I'm like, oh, you've thought this too.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And it really has been easy to not drink. It's the number one advantage I feel like I have over people sometimes. Not having a kid is another one I have to admit has freed me up to do a lot of stuff in my late 30s and now into my 40s that I wouldn't be able to do.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Now I know why my mom was cranky and chugging Diet Coke like she was hungover. I'm going to cut her some slack. That is rough, dude.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It really felt like a hang. Good. I was in the middle of it just like, why am I so comfortable? It doesn't usually go like this.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
But we can't help that we feel that way, because to me, I'm like, how could he feel ugly? But I don't get to tell you you don't get to feel ugly because that's your own feeling. I wouldn't make an ugly joke about someone that was actually ugly.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
We just started, really. I've never performed in front of this many people in my life.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It really is. This is new to me. I was doing theater tours for the past five years and you'd sell 70 percent. Sometimes you sell out. It's a big deal.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And there's a little bit of I'm the same person I was before. Maybe these people are wrong that are coming out. But it's actually really exciting because I'm trying to embrace. No, more people should see me. This is the right thing. I'm having imposter syndrome problems. But for the first time in my life, I am working so much harder on my stand up than I ever have.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
It was always just something that kind of came naturally. I didn't have to really focus that hard. And now I'm kind of doing the same thing I did with the Golden Globes and the roast. And I'm looking at my material that way. Let's punch it up and make it as hard hitting as those because I can do it. It's just more work. And so I'm taking this very seriously. This isn't just any stand up tour.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yeah, and you don't have to spend it on your kids. Yeah, but Taylor's not on tour anymore.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
But you don't realize that people who aren't ugly feel ugly. So when you make the joke that you go, I only said you were fat because you're not or whatever it is. But everyone feels these things that anyone else would say. No way you are.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Even though you were probably blacked out during the whole thing, just waiting.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I know that feeling of they're going to say something about me and just waiting. You can't even hear. You're just kind of like.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Oh, feeling like you don't belong there when you're a plus one. If it's your wife.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
A hundred percent. I was at the Grammys last night and I felt that way.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I was hosting the Golden Globes and was like, I'm a fraud.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I'm embarrassed these people even have to listen to me. These are all A-listers. Ray Fiennes has to know my name. Now my name is taking space up in Ray Fiennes' brain. Angelina Jolie had to like sit there and listen to me for nine minutes. When you start thinking about things like that, you're like, who am I to beg for these people's attention?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Even backstage, after I perform, I never really want to see the crowd because I feel like they will feel like they have to say good job if they don't want to. And then if they don't say good job, I'm like, what the fuck?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Yes. And there's almost nothing good enough that anyone can say.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Or nothing. Sun god or bust. Please send that to me because it's so nice when you find that other people feel these exact same things that you feel so ridiculous feeling. I was backstage. The next presenter would be backstage as well. You know, Nicolas Cage or Harrison Ford. And I would stand at the bottom. They're like, you need to go up the steps. You're introducing them.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
And I go, I just want to stay down here because I don't want them to have to go. Oh yeah, good job. Like they can't say nothing. They're going to feel obligated to say something. Even when I'm on stage, I won't look people in the eye because I feel like when you do, they have to go, ha ha ha ha. I don't want to coerce someone into saying good job.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I want them to have to like go out of their way or because they want to.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
That's why the joke didn't work. I got the sense that that's not how you operate at all. And why don't you operate that way? This is one of the biggest things you can be on. Do you not realize that? Or do you just feel like despite it, they still don't want to?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I do too. So why do we think people are different than us?
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
People love that. Yeah. I love it too. Everyone wants to be the sun god that people are asking. Yes, they really do. Well, last night I was at the Grammys. I feel like I don't belong there. I don't want people even noticing me to go like, why is she here? Even though I was nominated for a Grammy. I didn't win.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I was so mad I didn't win only because I wanted to bring my Grammy to hold it to be like, I belong. I just wanted to have a reason to be there. So I was being very small. And then people were coming up to me, people I'm fans of. And my boyfriend had talked with me after we were just kind of doing a debrief afterwards. He's like, I think you have to remember that
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
you need to go up to people next time. You going up to someone will be the same gift as Olivia Rodrigo coming up to you. Because that was like the biggest gift of my life was someone I admire so much coming up to me to say she was a fan. He was like, but you could go give that to people. And I was like, I don't think of anyone thinking that they would want that from me. I didn't.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Everyone wants a piece. I will never be the one to be like, excuse me ever. It's almost rude what I do when I'm in the same room as Taylor Swift because I won't even look her way. She's like tapping you on the shoulder. It will take that because I just will never. And everyone goes, go up and say something to her.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
There's no way that she's dying for that in a night like this where everyone's doing it. And of course, she would be so nice. I know exactly how it would go down, but I don't want to take someone's energy. Right. A way that I require their energy to be put into making great music. I don't want her to make a less great song because she had to be like, nice to meet you.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
Something tells me I can't bother her. I generally after award shows get pretty depressed no matter what happens because I'm around all these famous people that I put on a pedestal and I kind of see the facade of it all and the desperation and they're all wearing uncomfortable clothes and having
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I have the fake hair in and I'm like, we're all clamoring to be noticed and a little bit disappointed when we're not. It makes me a little bit sad because I'm like, no matter how big you get, you kind of worry about who's in the room, who's looking at you, where you're seated. I kind of go through a depression afterwards.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
There is pixie dust. There's magical moments where you're like, wow, that person's so talented. They're so amazing. Just even watching Chapel Roan last night, Sabrina Carpenter, Ray, who I had never heard of, but watching her was just transcendent.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Nikki Glaser
I was like, I wrote this exact same joke. It's so nice to hear that because I think that happens all the time where people get mad about something and you've just done it before and no one will ever admit that they've done it before. But even when I get mad, everyone's such a hypocrite. Not that you were. No, I was. But unintentionally.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Yeah, like I might change it just for... Legally? Yeah, just for fun. If it sounded cool or looked cool or something. Or just to, you know, I don't really have this huge stance about, this feminist stance about... I mean, I think it's dumb that we do it, but I kind of like, I'm like, oh, it could be fun to change my name. But that special, I think, was from 2016. I think that was...
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
The first time I had ever felt really a frustration about my friends like getting married, like I'm starting to see it happening and being like, why do we have to do this thing? And why now we have to have kids like all these things were now being expected of me, much like how I felt about sex. Like, I'm not ready to do this. And like, why do we have to do it?
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And I think that was my first kind of frustration about marriage that I had expressed in stand up.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I do now because I can get a divorce. I'm like, oh, well, what have I been so scared of? I think there's an out, you know, like that's why the kids for me is different. There's like no out to it. You know, I do understand why people get married now. I think I was really judgmental about it before. And it just felt like this thing that just women needed to achieve to feel complete.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
But now that I found someone that I'm like, Oh, I get like wanting to partner up with someone and be like, this is my person. And also with my parents getting older, like I always just felt like I don't need to make a new family. I got my family. I like mine. But now my family is I see it in the future. They might not all be there. And I'm like, OK, oh, I got to make my own.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Like this is all just dawning on me now. And so for the first time ever, I'm like, yeah, I could get married. But it is because there's I could I could always get out of it. And my partner feels the same way. He's like, yeah, we could just divorce. Like, it's cool. And I think I like kind of talking that logically about it.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
No, I can't wait till it's – I mean, obviously I can wait with everything that comes with menopause. But I think the cool thing about menopause is that it's like – No one's being like, are you going to do it? You know, like it's not a conversation piece. It's not like you still could. I don't like this kind of in-between area where it's still an option for me because I've analyzed it a lot.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I have a lot of friends that have kids and I just don't think it's for me. I don't. It just seems too hard. And that's really what it comes down to. I just don't think that I'll be that good at it. I think I would be good at it, but it would be at the sacrifice of other things that I really care about being good at. And I'm not even joking. I just like naps too much.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And I just, I love, I love rest. And I love being able to sleep when I want to sleep. And I like not feeling guilty that I'm not playing with something and not like... I feel guilty about being a not-good-enough aunt, and I didn't even choose to be that. So I can only imagine being a mother and the guilt I would feel constantly. I just don't want it. And I know I'm missing out, but that's okay.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I'm all right with missing out on that thing. I think my life will feel pretty—I have a lot going on that gives me purpose.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I have jokes, though, that I want to do that I can't because I don't have any family members with autism. That's the jokes I have. I can't. I have autism jokes because I've dated guys with it and they were diagnosed by me and TikTok, so I know that they have it. It's confirmed. But I can't do the jokes because I don't have any family members with autism.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I mean, I will say my nephew is two and a half and he isn't talking yet, so fingers crossed. But, like, I... We didn't get a diagnosis in time for this special, so. It's a bummer. I'll get canceled at some point. The canceled train is coming for old Glazed Talk for sure. And my nephew is gonna love that train. I got one in, I got one in.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Um, the first two, yes, not for suicidal thinking, because that is something that I do struggle with. And so I felt like, OK, I really I've I have a right to talk about this thing. The other two. Yeah, because I don't. have, I don't, I don't, I'm not autistic and I have not been the victim of sexual violence. And so I felt, I do feel bad.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
You know, there's certainly people who are even triggered by the word that are probably hearing it now and are reliving some awful thing that happened to them. And I, for that, I'm sorry that they feel that way. So I, I don't, I don't enjoy—I feel like I have a right to talk about rape because I definitely am fearful of it, and it is something that could happen to me, you know?
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
But I do feel that it is so just if someone is like, I was offended by what you said. I'm just like, oh, yeah, I get that. I'm sorry. And I'll—you know, I've offered to refund people's money. If you have, like, a panic attack at my show because I talk about a subject that—
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
is really close and personal to you and traumatized you, I'll give you your money back, or at least the part of the ticket that I made out of the money, because I don't want anyone to have a bad experience, but I definitely don't think that that's reason enough not to talk about these things, because
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Although that train joke was kind of like a dumb autism-like stereotypical joke, I do think that my jokes aren't meant to be cruel or make fun of anyone who's a victim or has a condition. I don't think autism is a condition. I don't think we call it that. But I should educate myself on what to say for that. But, yeah, I don't want to –
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I don't want to offend anyone, but I do want to talk about these things because I have dated guys with autism, I think. And I have some things to say about it. And it just bums me out that I can't because I don't get this leniency that other comedians might get because they have a family member. And I do think that they have a right to talk about it, too, because they have a family member.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
They have a different perspective. But I think I have a right to talk about it even if I know nothing about it. I just don't understand this rule of you only get to talk about things that you've lived. Because also, I am just a comedian. I might not have the right take. I'm not right about everything, and I'm not... enacting change politically with my standup. It's just an entertainment thing.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
So it's for me to be taken so seriously that you said this thing and it's offensive. It's like, well, I'm a clown. There's nothing that is, there's no requirements or courses I had to take. I have no certification for what I'm doing. So you shouldn't expect me to get everything right. And I am completely open to people saying, hey, you have the wrong take on this and here's why.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And for me to adjust my joke to that, I have no problem with that.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
You know, I can't think of one because people don't really get as offended. And when they do get offended, there's nothing that I can adjust to even make them feel better because they're usually offended about just the word. And they're usually offended on behalf of someone else and a group of people that have nothing to do with what I'm talking about.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Or they're usually offended on behalf of a group of people that they're not even in and that they feel like they have to stand up for. And so I just work hard to get it right. And it's such an achievement for me to talk about something like, you know, suicide and have it be one of my favorite parts of my set that doesn't seem to upset anyone or alienate the crowd.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I mean, a chunk I have about suicide in my latest special, That wasn't doing well on stage for a while. Like it wasn't like offending people and people weren't like leaving.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
But it wasn't like it wasn't doing what it finally ended up doing when I really just made it personalized and found a way to talk about it that made everyone go, well, I guess we can't be mad she's talking about this because it is something she's thought about. And it's maybe something that we've thought about, too, that we're kind of ashamed we've thought about.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
It's hard to perform when I'm really, really depressed. But I will say that it's hard to get to the theater and to be backstage and to think, I'm about to go do this thing. I have to turn this on. But I will say the second I step out there, the adrenaline kicks in and it will... offer me relief. And then I get in and then I'm able to be honest about it.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Like I can kind of that's the nice thing about doing stand up is I don't have to perform just these the same songs every night or the same play. It's like I get to kind of say what I want to say so I can kind of talk about it and work through it in that way. And then, yeah, I mean, I would say yes about comedy lifting me out of it.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
You know, no. I think that what I intend is just to say what's honest and what is funny to me. And it's always interesting to hear how people perceive or take in my comedy because I never intend... Tasteless is totally fine, but it is a word that no one aspires to be. But I can't refute it because it is. And I don't really know...
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I think that that's why I tend to make fun of it is because I need to like laugh about how awful I feel. And but I will say, reaching for a stand-up special or a show that makes me laugh is not a thing that I go to as much as I probably should when I'm feeling depressed.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
It's... I get into the kind of depression where I almost, like, want it to stay because I feel like it's... this is the real way I'm supposed to feel and I don't want to be tricked into thinking things are all right. And when I'm in those deep depressions, when they really take hold, there's really nothing but waiting sometimes that'll get me out of it. And also meds. But...
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I'm learning to more often turn to comedy and watching something that will make me laugh. Like I think you should leave or veep or putting on a Seinfeld to reorient me. But it has to be early stages of when I just get those first kind of – I think of depression as like getting a flu.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And when I first get those sniffles or a little sore throat, like a little tingle in the back of my throat of depression, that's when I need to throw on some comedy. And it really does help. And I'm realizing that late in my life, actually. My depression is way more in check now.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
No, I get roasted by me. That's the thing. It's like I developed this skill because of what I say to myself a lot of times. I think I just made that connection recently of like, I think on this last roast, I'm thinking, what are they going to say about me? And I'm like, you've already said it to yourself at some point. Like, they can't come at you for anything wrong. I mean, they find a way.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Sometimes you go, oh, man, I didn't even notice that about myself. But, yeah, it's crazy that I watch clips of myself at roasts and I go, who do you think you are talking to someone like this? I really, it's an out-of-body experience and I just really have to almost play a character.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
It really is when you say it like that. Like, I don't know... I understand why people love it because it's just saying things that you would never be able to say and the person sitting right there. And so it feels like it's okay because they're laughing along with it. So it makes us all feel better about what we're laughing about. But it is insane. I don't know why anyone signs up for it.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I'm grateful that they do. And that is the only reason I can even do it is because I know they're signing up for it. I mean, I really... I really respect, you know, in terms of Tom Brady, I was like, I can't believe he's going to do this. And and because he said yes to it, it's kind of like unless you tell me things are off limits, I'm going to go there. I have license. I have your consent.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And and then I go and boy. Yeah, I just I can't believe the places my mind will go to.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I really do have to do kind of a cleanse after I write for a roast because my mind is in just such a bad place where I'm just constantly thinking the worst thing about someone, looking at pictures of them, thinking what is something I can think about them that is going to haunt them the rest of their life because I'm going to reveal it to everyone.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
My real only motivation for what I write and what I say on stage is to make people laugh, but also to just be honest and kind of say the thing that I'm frustrated more people aren't saying out loud that I'm observing. I think that's more of where it all comes from.
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Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I mean, it's a disgusting place to write from, but that's the job.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
You really are. I mean, you're the best to ever play for too long. I mean... You were tired, then you came back, and then you were tired again. I mean, I get it. It's hard to walk away from something that's not your pregnant girlfriend. It's tough. Hey, to be fair, he didn't know she was pregnant. He just thought she was getting fat. And Tom hates fat.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I mean, do you guys know about his diet program? It is so strict. But if you follow it exactly as he does, you too can lose your family. And seriously...
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Yeah. I felt like I was sticking up for her in a way with that joke. And maybe that's me trying to soften it for myself. But I felt like I was more coming at him than her personally. And and calling. I like the idea of me defending him and saying, you guys chill out. He just thought she was getting kind of fat, which is also calling him out for being, you know, just, you know, he broke up.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I don't know what happened in the relationship, but it ended and then he ends up dating a model and his girlfriend was pregnant. It's it seems to me to be that would be the number one thing we can joke about. So. For me to get through that whole roast and see that no one else mentioned that incident in his life, I was shocked because it's a guessing game, Terry.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Like, it really is like, is this going to fly? Is this going to be okay? I really don't know until I get there. And thank God he is kind of, like, behind me because I don't want to look at him. It's so—it's insane. I can't even—like, I did those jokes so much. leading up to it, practicing around town. He wasn't there for those.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
But when you finally get up there, it's really scary to say these to someone's face. And thank God he's like barely in my periphery because I don't know that I could do it if I had to look at him during it. But at that point, I was so on autopilot and had the set so locked from practicing that it didn't matter anymore. And I almost didn't have feeling behind the joke.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Like I just didn't even think about how those jokes could affect him because you have to divorce yourself from that to even get it done.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
No, I wouldn't even know how to do that. I did see him in the hallway afterwards and just wanted to tell him how great I thought his set was at the end of a really long night when everyone was tired. He killed and which is he was so impressive. So I just wanted to say good job. And he said, yeah.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
really great job and said, good luck with everything, which just told me, like, we'll never meet again. Right, yeah. And fair enough, fair enough. Yeah, yeah. Have a nice life is another way to say what he said.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Yeah, I don't love people getting offended. I think sometimes because of the nature of what I talk about, people think that I enjoy it. if people leave a show or are scoffing at things or groaning at things. And I think all I want is people to like me, really. And it's a weird approach to achieve that. But it's worked in many aspects, but it's been a roundabout kind of way of getting there.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Yes. I don't disagree with you. And I just think that the rules of roast, like no one's exempt from having their genitals talked about because I do it for men, too. So I felt like I will defend it in saying like I just don't want to pull any punches. But I will say that I did contribute to that kind of toxic behavior.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Belief that women are disposable as soon as they start aging, which is like my biggest concern and fear and resentment of being a woman. And I don't love that I did that. And I think that, you know, it was just I look back. Like I said, like, I don't like watching these roasts and sometimes I'll come across a clip. And I usually just skip past it because I go, I don't want to relive that.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
God only knows what I said. But I watched one recently in preparation for the Tom Brady one. And I just go, what are you doing, girl? Who do you think you are? Who ever told you this was an okay thing to say to someone's face? And I'm glad you didn't quote the jokes to me because I would probably wince as well and be ashamed of what I said. So I definitely...
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I would like to do more roasts in the future to right those wrongs and be able to make different jokes, like have parameters for myself and challenge myself to not go to those, quote unquote, easy places. But yeah, I'm embarrassed of things I've said to people on those things. And it's hard to relisten and relive it. But I'm sure much harder for them.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Yeah. And, you know, I want to like them. Like, I want to come from a place of, like, love because if it's just all disdain, it's just going to read that way and it's not going to be as funny. And I'm the brunt of it, too. Like, I'm on the receiving end of jokes that really hurt my feelings. So I get what it's like. It's not easy.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
No. I mean, there was one about it was Sybil Shepard at the roast of Bruce Willis. And she said that I saw Nikki before the show. I walked into the bathroom and I saw her from behind and I go, oh, my God, look at this model. And then she turned around and I go, oh, she's a comedian. And that really, that really stung because I have so many insecurities about my face and it's not good enough.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And that's why I'm a comedian is because I wish I could just be pretty. It's like that one hurt. And then the laughter that follows. including yours just now, is the kicker as well, where you just go, oh, no, that might be true. And then there was another one. Pete Davidson had one about me having a flat butt. And I was like, oh, no, I always knew that about myself.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Now other people know that I have no butt. And then there was one about me not being funny. This... This time around that kind of stung. Yeah. And then you just put on a happy face and then you don't think about it until the car ride home when you're just like despondently looking out the window and everyone around you is like, that was so amazing tonight.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And you're like, but like the thing that Tony Hinchcliffe said, do you like think that comes from a real place? And they're like, why are you thinking about that joke that no one's talking about? You had the night of your life. And I mean, I've cried at, I think, two out of the three roast after parties because of my feelings getting hurt. Yeah.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And then I also, after the roast of Bruce Willis, I got a ton of stuff injected in my face and laser stuff done to fix what Sybil saw.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
But it really is the underlining motivation is like, just like me, which I think is most comedians.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I just go, okay, I finally have confirmation. I've been saying I'm ugly my whole life. Everyone is like, no, you're beautiful. And then Sybil just said I was ugly. And the whole room laughed equals it's true. And I'm going to do something about it finally. So I really did. I went and spent that entire paycheck at a med spa and did – you know, I did a laser –
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
on my face that they had to strap down my hands because my body would probably try to run to the nearest like water source to be because I my body thinks I'm on fire. I had to be like held down. And I was like, what am I doing to myself? And I continue to do those treatments here and there. But I really went all in and pretty crazy right after.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And and yeah, I mean, it just I've been I've been on the receiving end. So I know what it's like. And I do feel bad about the things I've said because I've suffered in the wake of it as well.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Yeah, I really appreciate that interpretation. And that honestly did sink in. And a lot of what people say in response to this kind of opinion I have about myself does not land. And that did, except the part where you said, and that's OK, because I come from the place of like, yeah, some people are perfect. And I go, and why am I not?
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And, you know, in many ways my life is perfect, but it's just been this struggle. I mean, I've always felt kind of, like, ugly. And I think that's been the thing I've struggled with most of my life. And I realize that that's ridiculous. I know that I'm a pretty enough girl, but it's, like, not as much as I want to be. And, man, I wouldn't have to work as hard if I was prettier.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
You know, sex was always the scariest thing to me. It was always the most interesting thing. I didn't have sex until I was 21. I didn't kiss a boy until I was 18, I think. I was scared of boys. I was scared of sex. I was... you know, in a constant battle with my body from the age of 17 on of just not liking what it was and being ashamed of it.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Yeah. And I'm because I'm so glad I gave you your greatest gift. Exactly. And I know that. But sometimes I'm like, I'd give it all up just to I'd be mute just so I could be gorgeous. Just what is you know, I'm always the comparing and despairing is something I'm well versed in.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
But the fact that you said I look like a normal person and and that that's important because I represent that to young women. That's important for me because that's That's the reason I think the way I think is because I grew up looking at perfect people and expecting myself to look that way. And there weren't normal looking people in magazines for me as a young girl, or at least I didn't see them.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
So it's important that I look the way I do, even though I'm going to make tweaks here and there just to adjust a little bit. I can't stop. But I'm way better than I have been in the past at accepting myself. But it's still a struggle. And I don't feel like vanity is a vapid pursuit.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I feel like I'm kind of right sometimes because I look at my industry and even being a comedian, like, it helps looking attractive. It just, it does.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Right. See, that's how I spun that in my head. So thank you for setting me straight on that.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Thank you, Terry. This is such an honor. I love you. Oh, thank you so much. I really do.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
So I think I immediately when I started doing stand up was attracted to those kind of unspeakable things that I was just wondering why more people don't talk about, especially when it comes to sex. I just I think the fear that I had around it, that I was going to be bad at it, that I was going to get made fun of, that I was going to do it wrong.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
It was all because I just didn't know what was going on in there and no one was talking about it. So as soon as I started kind of partaking in it, I kind of wanted to get the word out to girls like me that might be terrified and wondering what is going on in there because, you know, the places where we find out – It's either, you know, sex ed or porn and there's nothing in between.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And neither of those are really realistic representations of sex. And so I just I felt like I was kind of filling this void that I felt growing up of information.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
You know, yeah. I didn't get my period until I was really late in high school. I was the last to do everything of my girlfriends, so I kind of had all the information when I was ready to finally do it. So when it came to sex and everything, yeah, I mean, I would go down to, like, okay, so you get along with a boy, like... Does he touch your leg? Does he touch your arm? And then how do you kiss?
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Does he move in for it? I mean, I wanted to know every little moment so that I could avoid being made fun of by boys. And that's, let's get to it, is the other motivation for what I do is like, I just don't want to be made fun of or mocked, especially by boys. Yeah.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I think that's I'm kind of stuck in that middle school or maybe early high school self where I did get kind of made fun of, not mercilessly or not, you know, all the time, but enough times that I was like, OK, my goal is to just always control this situation. So they can't make fun of me.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
No, I don't think so. Not that I can recall. I'm sure it's happened behind my back. And yeah, I think as an adult, I've heard, I remember things I did. And I can only assume that the male comics I was hooking up with when these things happened, talked about it.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I was always just like, they were just, that's where alcohol came in. Like, so when I discovered drinking, then all my fears went out the window. And then, you know, which is the worst thing that could happen because when I was drunk, I would do way more embarrassing things and act a fool, more so than if I had been sober, but I was just too scared to do anything sober.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
So, you know, the only way I ever had sex was, or was intimate with a man was, to drink to the point of blackout. And then by the time I was 27, I quit drinking. So I had about six years of fun that I don't really remember. But I just was observant of what men said about women around me. And I think that's where I got the idea that they talk about us.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Not so much it happened to me, but I had male friends and I had, I wasn't doing comedy before I was sexually active. So I was paying attention to how men talk to other men in a funny way about women. And I was like, I just don't want that to be me.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Yeah, it was. It was early 2000s. And I came up in the Kansas City and St. Louis comedy scenes, which... I feel are notoriously pretty dirty. Both the clubs are dirty, but also the comedy that comes out of it. It was just like, how can you get groans? How can we offend the crowd? That was the goal, was just to say the grossest, most offensive thing. So that was kind of my training ground.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And obviously, yeah, it was more the way men talked offstage, I would say, than onstage that made me... I just don't want to be a part of this locker room talk where someone's mocking me. And, you know, you can't really control it, but I've tried as much as I can.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
You know, it wasn't like I was saying, oh, you know, male comics are getting it wrong and I need to take back the story and represent what we're going through. It was really just about how strange it was to me that we are doing this thing. And I thought, I'm finally going to get to say how I felt my whole life, which is like,
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
What I would say to my friends in high school when they started making out with boys and kissing them, I'm like, how is it that I can't sip from your soda because you're a germaphobe, but then you can make out with a guy who probably doesn't brush his teeth and have good oral hygiene? Like, I just don't understand what's going on here. And then how do we all agree—
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
You go on a date with a guy and you're on your best behavior and you're trying to look so prim and proper and make sure you don't have food in your teeth and your hair is perfect and your nose is powdered. And then you – within an hour, you're naked and grunting with this person and slobbering all over each other. It just seemed insane to me. And I think –
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Doing stand-up was the first opportunity I got to, like, position this question to people and have people go, oh, yeah, that is kind of weird. Maybe you're not alone in thinking this is bizarre that we are expected to do this when we get older. I really didn't like that I was going to have to grow up and have sex. It terrified me.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And then I think when I finally got a mic in front of my face, I just couldn't wait to talk about the things I was observing that seemed just insane to me that we have to do or even want to do.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
That's always been the goal is just to mention the unmentionable. And as I've dealt with, like, addictions and just problems with my mental health, it's like that's always the answer to solving it is admitting that there's a problem. So it's like I kind of stumbled into comedy as a way to cope with all these feelings.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And I found stand-up as kind of a rebellion to all those kind of awkward, silent moments or... Those looks of just confusion and almost disdain for the thing I just said. And now I'm like, oh, now I'm making money doing it.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I really don't even consider that. I feel so disconnected from being like a sex comic. I feel like more... that I'm just commenting on this thing that exists rather than talking about my own sex life. But I certainly do talk about my own sex life. I think it was tough because I think when I did go out there and date in the last few years,
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Men were just scared that I was going to talk about them on stage and they should have been because I didn't really have good boundaries until recently around that stuff. And I was doing to guys the same thing that I feared they would do to me, you know, and I was always anonymously.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
But there was a part of me that, you know, if a guy hurt me or that, yeah, there was a part of me that wanted to hurt them back with my material and take control of the situation. And I think that's why I like Taylor Swift so much.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Well, I think Taylor Swift is able to get revenge for being hurt in songs and be able to take control of the heartbreak that she's endured. and take control of the narrative of what happened, and kind of writes to the idea of a man hearing this on the radio, the guy that hurt her, having to deal with her the rest of his life.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
Yes. It was not good. I was really angry. I did it a couple times where someone would hurt me, and they just didn't like me. That was their crime. That's such a horrible thing. Now that I look back on it, I spun it so much of what a jerk they were, how cruel they were, when they really just didn't maybe find the best way to let me off the hook or break up with me.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
But they weren't bad people, but I would spin it that way on stage. And, you know, people kind of knew maybe who I was talking about or at least maybe that person was sometimes in the room when I was doing a joke about dating them. And I would try to hurt them. in that joke. I don't do that anymore.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
But it was probably six years ago that I stopped because I really did hurt someone that would then avoid me in the comedy scene. And I just, I felt horrible about it. I've since apologized and we're cool. But yeah, that was not a shining moment. But it was the only thing I could do to feel better and to not feel like such a loser and to feel rejected. And yeah. Yeah.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
I also don't like the fact that when you get married, as a woman, you just kind of give up your last name. It's nice to take your husband's name, but then you're like, oh, this thing I've had my whole life, that's my whole identity, that my great-grandparents came through Ellis Island with, I'll just throw it in the trash. This guy seems cool. Bye. Like, that's... What?
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
You really, like, your name is nothing after you get married. All it is is, like, your son's bank account security question answer. That's all your name is. What? What? Only time it comes up, yeah. And he's got to call you because he doesn't even know it. Like, that's the one call you get from him a month. Mom, I'm locked on my account again. Hey, what's your old name? He calls it an old name.
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
You're like, you mean my maiden name? He's like, whatever. Uh, Jones? He's like, can you spell it? And you're like, Jesus Christ. Why couldn't you say a baby? That is weird that that's the question that they came up with. Like, the banks were like, what worthless piece of information could we ask for that no one would ever know about this man to protect his finances?
Fresh Air
Comic Nikki Glaser On Roasts & Hurt Feelings
And some guy's like, what about his mother's name? They're like, perfect, who gives a shit, right? His mother's name. That's the question. That's always that question. That seems like something people should know about you, but it's that question and then your first concert. So it's your name and then your son's first concert, or just your name and Limp Bizkit are just fighting for the top spot.
Morning Wire
Trudeau’s Resignation & New Orleans Lawsuit | Afternoon Update | 1.6.25
You're all so famous, so talented, so powerful. I mean, you could really do anything. I mean, except tell the country who to vote for, but it's okay. You'll get them next time. That movie was more sexually charged than Diddy's credit card. I mean, seriously. Oh, no, no. I know. I'm sorry. I'm upset, too. The after party is not going to be as good this year, but we have to move on.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, it started early. Like, I remember I wrote, you know, jokes for people who were doing the roasts early on, and then I did, Jeff Ross had a show called The Burn on Comedy Central, and I had a show on Comedy Central at the time, so they threw me on that, and I had a really good showing on that. I just knew it was a...
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
that I would really excel, and I needed to prove myself to Comedy Central for them to even consider me. So I worked really hard to do that TV show, and I did a great showing. And then people don't really want to do roasts. So it's like, you know, they probably asked Whitney Cummings that year. They asked Amy Schumer. And then they, Natasha Leggero, and they probably didn't want to do it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And so they called up me and last minute, you know, you get booked like a week before and you go, okay. And then you have a good one. And then they asked you back the next time. And every time I kind of go, I don't know if I want to do this because it's so much work. And I would really, I would always have like a mental breakdown right before it and think, what am I doing?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I'm going to bomb and like cry and have panic attacks about it. I don't know if you guys relate to that where you would say yes to things. Yeah. And then you do them and you go, I'll never do this again.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Because even tomorrow, sometimes I'm like, I'll be different tomorrow. But yeah, I'm always, that's such a great, but this though, I need time to prepare. So I don't know how to answer that, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If someone asks me, I always want to do it because I'm like the exposure, the potential of it. And then you get in it and it's like destroying my relationships, destroying my life.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
It's making me self-doubt all the time. And then it's over and I'm like, that was the greatest. I can't wait to do it again. And then everyone in my life goes, what do you mean you want to do that again? But this time around, I actually implemented a system where I was happy the whole time and I know how to do it now and I can't wait to do it again. But the three before destroyed my life.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yes. The dread. Every time. People have told me that no one hates what they are going to do more than you all the time. And then when I do it, even when I'm like about to go, when I'm on stage with a microphone having the time of my life, unless I'm like bomb, you know, like something's totally wrong. But as soon as I'm performing, I'm in it. I'm doing great.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But dread constantly up until that moment. And I think that's just, I don't know, the way it goes.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
No, and I want to ask you guys about it too. Do you have goals or do you just keep saying yes to things as you go? And see where it takes you? Because I kind of just say yes to where it takes me. If you look at my credits, you see that I say yes to a lot of shit.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Regret it immediately. Try to get the rope off to no avail. Regret it immediately.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But then, I've been trying to like manifest stuff, and I'm doing these manifest meditations where it's like, just picture your life with the thing you want. Feel that it's already happened, and then you drift off to sleep, and you try to get the feeling, not that you're doing the thing, but that you live in a world in which this is what you do. It's already happened.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
It's, what is his name? Neville Goddard. Neville Goddard. That's how everyone says his name on YouTube. But, yeah, please help.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
that's what I'm struggling with is like, I kind of like the way things are. And so I have an apartment. I don't like, I don't own a home. And so I'm like, you know what? I should own a home. So let me just visualize the home I'm in. And then I think about like, we got to get these cabinets redone. And then I'm like, oh, I got to call someone. Like I'm living in it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And then I go, I got to call the landscaper. Like there's so much work that starts happening. I go, I don't want this house. Like, let me take me back to my apartment. So I'm kind of like, I just really like the way things are now. That's great. But I have goals of like, you know, SNL I think is a good goal. Like hosting SNL. That's a great goal for a celebrity person.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
That's happening in the fall. It's happened, right? Yes. I think it's happened. Have they approached you? It's happened. I think it's not yet, but there's been talks. There's whispering. They should get you.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
That's already manifested. So I got, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what's next, but what do you, what about Will and Jason? Do you guys goal it up?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I think I did it, that's what, why my, when I was in high school, I used to just tell my friends, oh, I used to be obsessed with Dave Matthews and my friends all were too. And I would say, oh, I'll just like meet him someday and like get to, I'm going to tell him like how I feel. And they were like, how would you meet him? And I'm like, well, I'm going to be famous. And they were like, what?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
They just like, I remember their incredulousness of like that I thought that. And it was so obvious to me that that was going to happen and that I'll be in his sphere forever.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yes and no. I mean, I think that's what I started pursuing initially in high school when I was like, how am I going to get... How am I going to meet Dave Matthews? I got to get... That was my real goal of being on TV. That's the only way I could be in his sphere. And when I met him, I said the word sphere several times. I tried to be in your sphere. It was really embarrassing.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
That did not come until way later. So I was like, okay, I'll be an actress. And I was not getting the parts in school plays. And I didn't even go to like a theater school. So it was like, you know, I was getting Townsperson B and stuff. So I was getting feedback like, this isn't for you to act.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Always be. And I would think I would get the lead. And then I'd be at the bottom of the list and I would cry. And then I'd go, oh, I guess I'll go do field hockey. And it was terrible at sports. So I was like, didn't really, but I was so depressed that it wasn't going to work out. I auditioned for theater school, didn't get in anywhere.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I was really like, I guess I'll just like have to kill myself. That's great. Like, I really was thinking that because what's the point of living if you're not gonna be on TV and performing in some way? But I had no way to do it. I just thought acting's the only way. I had no idea there were other things. I didn't even look into it. I knew I couldn't sing or dance. What did your parents do?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
My dad's in the cable business and my mom was just a homemaker. And so they were just, they were always supportive. And I come from a really funny family and they have great taste in comedy. So I was always consumed. My dad like introduced me to Conan when I was in like eighth grade. And I was like, you got to check out this show. And then that changed my life. And Seinfeld I was obsessed with.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And Friends. I was really, I loved comedy, but I wasn't, stand-up didn't, I didn't do much for me. I just wasn't even paying attention to it. And then I went to college and I was like... Long story short, I had like a terrible eating disorder because I was pretty much like, I just want to die. My life sucks and nothing's going the way I want it to.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I have to go to college and figure out what I want to do for a living, but I don't want to do anything except... perform and I'm not good at that. And everyone tells me I'm not good at it. Like I was taking voice lessons to be a singer and my voice teacher like took my mom aside and said, this is a waste of your money. She doesn't have it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And so I just was so discouraged. And then I just got an eating disorder that I was like, oh, I'll just die of this. And I really wanted to. I was really like slowly just dying. And then I was hospitalized. It was right after high school and I was going off to college. I was hospitalized over the summer and... And then I, you know, needed to get out of there. And so I lied.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I was like, I just got to go away to college. And then I can like kind of die off alone without people monitoring what I'm eating. Oh my God, Nikki, this is awful. It's so sad. It's so sad. But I really was like, what's the point? I just didn't know what the point of life would be if I wasn't a performer.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Because I also, I wanted, I feel like my parents really pay attention to TV in a way that I always wanted to be paid attention to. And I think that's why I wanted to get on TV. Even though they love me so unconditionally, I just didn't feel it. the way that... I was just a very sensitive child. Anyway, they're great parents.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Well, they proved they loved... I'm still working on it, but I have theories that they do. But the love seems to amp up a little bit when I, you know, bring them to the Tom Brady roast. You know, like, there's a little bit more of text messages from my mom of, I've always loved you, like, finally.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
You just touch bottom and then just... Well, I was like ready to fucking go. Every night I would be like, please die in your sleep because I was just hungry all the time. And it's like, you know what it's like to be hungry, Jason.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And so it's, yeah, I was waiting for that to like just end it because I was cold all the time. I was hungry. I looked insane. So I couldn't really make friends because everyone's just like, this girl is like a skeleton who looks so weird and looks so brittle. And I was about to die and my hair is falling out. And I'm at my freshman year of college. I don't have any friends.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I need to make some. So I think I just turned up my personality a lot just because I looked so crazy that I needed, the only way to make friends was to be larger than life. And so I started being funnier. I just like, it just was an adaptive trait.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I did because no one would like me otherwise. And then all of my friends, I got friends because I was funny and really outgoing. And all my friends would say, God, when we first saw you, we were like, who is that girl? And then we kind of forgot that you looked like that because people would go to my friends and be like, we're really worried about her.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And they'd be like, we don't even know what you're talking about because- I did really just overcompensate for how sick I was with my personality. And that's when people started going, you should be a stand-up comedian. Wow. And once I heard that, I go, okay, what's that? Okay. Amazing. I mean, I knew what it was, but then I Googled it, and I saw Sarah Silverman, and then that changed my world.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I didn't want to be made fun of. I wanted to be the first to make the joke about how thin I was or what. I wanted to be so extraordinary in my personality that no one would notice how scary I looked or how concerning. And so I think that was it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
You know, like the fat kid in school can be the class clown or most, I had never experienced that before where my looks like made people talk about me and whisper about me and make fun of me. I always just in high school wanted to just disappear. I didn't want boys to make fun of me. I just was so scared of any attention. I wanted attention on stage when I told you you could.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But I really was like... People from high school are just like, you are a comedian? Like, I just kind of was... I didn't really... I didn't make big waves in high school. But... And then when I turned it up, that's when people started telling me that. And then as soon as I looked into it, I was like, oh, of course this is it. I've always... I'm like writing comedy. I love comedy.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And then acting, the thing I found hard was like being someone else. I really think it was just, I was always trying to run away from who I was. And I finally found something that celebrated. I could say the weirdest things and the darkest things that I was ashamed of into a microphone. And then people like me more because of the things that I hate the most about myself.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
which is the reason that mental illness exists is because people aren't being honest. And so that really helped me heal.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Say the honest thing and people can't even believe you're saying it because most people aren't honest at that level. And so whenever I'm on stage and I'm trying a new bit and it's not going well and I've kind of lost the audience and they know that I know, I just like, my trick for that is just to stop.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But that's the struggle, though, because I also want to be hot. Like, listen, we're all funny, but we all care about looking aesthetically.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
It's good. Okay. But yeah, we all care about what people think, like how we look. And then people go, but you're funny. You don't need to care. And it's like, well, it is a part of it. And it's honestly, that's, I'm being honest when I say I'm insecure about my looks. So that's still part of it for me. I can't help that I do care about my looks, even though, you know.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
They will say, in the comments, there was, it's insane that there are comments under every single clip or video or picture that is of you. David Spade told me, A while ago, he was like, you know, back when I did the Hollywood Minute during Weekend Update, that was the only time celebrities got like mocked mercilessly for like a minute.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
That was the only time that celebrities were being made fun of ever because it was just all- Stern used to do it a bit right before that, you know? Right. Okay, so there's like two outlets for it. And now it's all people do.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, you just want to get carjacked a little. Yeah. In the Midwest. Desperate to be. Yeah. I get what you mean. Well, the reason I like it is because if I'm in New York or LA, I can do a set every single night and I can feel like I'm not doing enough. And I could be doing a set tonight and getting stronger. And I could be doing a podcast. But in St. Louis, there's nothing much going on.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
So I feel like it's just kind of an escape. I'm a workaholic and I lock up my liquor on the coast and I go and I can go get it if I can get a key and like deliberately go get it. But it's not just waiting for me in my room in St. Louis. I kind of am away from work and don't have to drive myself crazy with it. And I can forget that all that stuff matters.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
When you really are in New York and L.A., you get sucked into the machine of like you've got to do more. It's not enough. And comparing yourself more, even though they're all waiting for you on Instagram to compare yourself to, I feel it more here, which is good sometimes. When I was doing the roast, I was like, I'll go to L.A. for a month and a half before that to get in the zone of like –
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
competitiveness and running my set every night and like feeling like I'm not enough and needing to prove myself. But I couldn't do that in St. Louis. I couldn't just like fly and do the roast. I would have come with this like Midwest ease. I needed to come in like strong and insecure.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Like, Wake up, go into my podcast room, which is next to my bedroom, do a podcast. Then I go to a Pilates class. Then I go to Starbucks and pretend to write. And then I, you know, that whole thing where you open up your laptop and then you just... That's a whole thing that I love.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
You guys are too famous to do that now. That's the fame I don't want to be is like where I can't go to Starbucks still and just sit in a coffee shop. It's coming. I got to really enjoy it while I got it. But yeah, I just sit there in online shop and then I go back home and play my guitar a little bit. Then I go to a voice lesson. I'm still trying to be a singer. So I just, yeah.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I'm at the Comedy Store podcast studio. Truly? I'm visiting LA and I wasn't going to fuck around with you guys. I wasn't going to trust my Wi-Fi at my hotel. I needed like a real studio. This is the real deal.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And then I go hang out with my parents, hang out with my niece and nephews. And then, you know.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
No, there totally is. I think that it would be so fun to do it. Yeah, I bet you'd be great. Being on set is really exhausting and boring sometimes.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But what about the memory? I always wait to the last second for everything. So that doesn't work in acting. You can't be just like... you know, binging your lines right before and memorizing it. I'm sure sometimes that is the way it has to happen. But there's a lot of preparation and forethought that goes into being an actor and preparing.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I feel like as a stand-up comedian, as long as I'm just showing up as myself, I can get the job done. Like, I don't like a lot of review. I don't like a lot of rehearsal. I don't like to critique myself because then I start to see the flaws. So with stand-up, I'm just like, I can just be in a conversation and just...
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
you know with someone and be like talking about something really sad and crying and then walk on stage and do it and then walk off and get right back to it I don't have to like get in a zone it just seems like a lot of work and I'm into now I would get jobs where I'm acting against people like you guys who have been doing it so long and I'd feel like I'm not good enough and their self-doubt would come in well we'd be judging you but you should Sean would have a spare rope and chair for you if things went wrong always standing by always standing by yeah
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Don't apologize for a joke and cancel culture. I'm just really not that interested in that stuff either. And I think that we like to pat ourselves... You know, every artist likes to pat themselves on the back like they changed the world. And some of it does. But I just... I don't know. I don't... I don't...
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I kind of just fell into it and it fits me, but I don't think of it as stand-ups are like above other. No. I think sometimes we have to think that because we feel so less than and that's why we do stand-up is because we didn't fit in any of the other ones.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I did. I did. I went back during COVID just to hang out with my parents and my family and then it lifted and I was just like, no one even knows I'm here. I can just go to LA and people in LA think I'm in New York and people in LA or New York think I'm in LA.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But when people ask me about the process, it's always like, how do you write it? I think it's the same for most comedians. It's just you say something funny in conversation, and then you go, oh, I should maybe do something about that. And then you take out your phone, and the conversation comes to a halt, and everyone waits for you. And you go, wait, exactly how did I say it?
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And then you ruin the moment. And then I'm in the wings of the show before the show kind of going like, what should I do tonight? I'm kind of sick of my act as it is. And I'll look through and I'll go, oh, okay, maybe I'll throw that in. And then it just kind of happens on stage. But it's a lazy room.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Well, being on Smart List is a huge deal to me. Oh, yeah. You've done a huge favor.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
fucking funny and your show was so good and talk about vulnerability I mean that's but that's what we don't we all want that from our celebrities like I've always just wanted to see how they are I used to love the like the stars are just like us kind of things I used to really do love that And that's what I think podcasts have given us is that conversational quality and we get to really know you.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And some actors stink and they're not interesting at all in conversation. But you guys don't. You're so fucking funny. And yeah, I'm just like.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I just read that about St. Louis. We have the highest crime, but it's really... That can't be true.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, but you just got to avoid parts of town. But it's a segregated city. It's not the greatest for that. So you just, yeah. Yeah, we still have issues in St. Louis. Wow.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
They are. Everybody sounds gray on this just like me, so I'm not so dumb. It's confusing. I don't know if it's one that's separate, but no, I think they're separate. They have to be separate because they are in different... You can't have a city cut in two. Can you not? Maybe you can.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I think that's, I think, wait, Missouri claims that. They're both Missouri.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Wait, no, it's Kansas, wait, no, no. I think Kansas, oh my God. It's Kansas City, Missouri is the one that's like everyone knows about. Kansas City, Kansas is next to it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
It's Missouri, yes. It's on the other side. St. Louis is on one side and Kansas City is on the other. And I did get started in comedy in Kansas City. So I know, I should know. I went to school in Kansas, in University of Kansas. Oh, you went to Lawrence. But I don't know these things. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But they say KU. It's not a thing that makes sense where I'm from. Everything's all fucked up over there. I don't really like, I got to get out of there. I'm second guessing everything.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, because that's a good one that you can just use for anything. Like, yeah, I talk about, like, I have a bit about my boyfriend and, you know, we break up and date other people and then I look back at him and I just think, oh my God, like after dating all these guys, I'm just like, he's the best I can do. Right. So I've realized that I've recycled that one. Yeah, that works.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I didn't feel that way. I kind of was like, yeah, this... I've never been like, when is everyone going to notice? And I just kind of... I really just take what comes to me and I never really want to like fight for people to care about me. I want people to care about me on their own time. Yeah, yeah. So I've kind of been like, okay, when they do, they do. And felt pretty relaxed about it.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But this was... I mean, it was insane. It was just like kind of an overnight thing that I never expected would happen in my career. I've always expected it just to be very slow and gradual. And I kind of liked the level of fame I had achieved. It's comfortable. I'm not that recognizable. My life isn't like disrupted by it ever, but there's some perks to it. And- Now it's changed.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I went for nothing, and I'm just good. It's like I can say no to things if I want, but now it's like it was a huge bump overnight, and I'm sure you guys have experienced that in your careers as well, and it's just we're just more people.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
They don't say that, thank God, because it would be so mean coming out right away. And sometimes I will go there, but no, thank God they don't do that. They just say, did we go to camp together? You know, that kind of thing. Because I usually look like shit when I'm traveling. So I don't really look that recognized. I don't buy that. I really do not look the same.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And your feelings do get hurt. Like you can go in thinking, oh, they're only going to go this far. And then they go further. I know I've seen it happen where they don't plan on you going there. And they don't, they just.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And to say that, like, I went some places on the Tom Brady roast that I thought other people would go to, and they didn't. And I was the only one that kind of said those names or brought up those subjects that were kind of sore for him. And it is crazy. Like, I've seen old roast clips of, like, I don't like to watch myself, so when I come up on my own feed, I'm like, ugh, get out of here.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
But when I was preparing for this roast, I was like... okay, try to channel what you've done in the past. You've got to watch what people like about you. I don't even, you know, I just do it and then I don't watch it again. So I'm just like, watch it again and see what you bring to this because it had been four years since I'd done one. So I watched one
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And I was like, who the fuck do you think you are saying this to people? You told Alec Baldwin all this? Like, what? Like, I just didn't recognize this girl. And I'm like, she's got balls, but she's also like a psychopath. Like, I just didn't, I really didn't, I couldn't believe that I did it. But I was like, I guess I have to channel that again.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And you really just, they're set, Tom Brady's just set in your periphery a little bit back enough that you can't really see him when you're performing. Right, right, right.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, I think he said that he, in hindsight, kind of regrets it. I don't really... He doesn't regret. He's glad he did it, but he didn't know that we would go some places. I don't really know how he feels about it, but I totally... See what he means.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Because I think you go into these things thinking that they're – you just don't know what people will dig up about you and see in you when they study you and look at your face.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
I think – I think there was one joke at a Comedy Central one where it was about, it was like a Paul Walker joke that Ludacris was there and he's friends with him, obviously, and he got up and like walked off stage. I think there was, but they cut it later. I think there was something like that that happened. Yeah.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
What happened? She does like self-help talks now. So she's like a motivational speaker now. But she got out of it because she was like, it's too mean.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
And you can handle it. It's been off the air for a while. You can have some distance.
SmartLess
"Nikki Glaser"
Yeah, the reaction shots are always the best. That really sells it too is that you got to have the person that you're making fun of when they're cutting to them live. That really will like make or break what people thought of your joke.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I'm possibly calling bullshit on that. I think you do. It sounds like you do read comments.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I don't. I'm being 100% honest with you. And you can check with my social media manager knows. Sometimes I will post something and I'll just be in the mood because it's just something lighthearted that they can't really go after. So I'll read the first comments that pop up because it just went up and I'm like, I'm on it. And I'll see it and then I'll stop immediately a second. Something upsets me.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
But that is... Maybe once every three months I will do that. Otherwise, zero. And, you know, sometimes you can't help it. You're on Reddit and you see your own name and you go – but I don't click on the comments. I just don't. But then I was – I don't even know how I saw it, but it was some –
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Some posts, I'll look at my tagged photos or something because I need to just write, thanks for coming to the show. And there was one that was like, Nikki Glaser used to be ugly, like fat and ugly. And she had this glow up and she's, this is her new Ozempic body, which I'm like, you're conflating. I don't take Ozempic.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
It's all over. But I didn't know—I thought—I saw it was going, like, kind of mid-viral of, like, oh, Nikki Glaser, she changed through the years. I didn't know it was, like, she was fat and ugly, and now she's not. And then people are commenting, oh, this is what money will buy you. And I'm like, yeah, that's what I tell you. Come see my show. Yeah. I tell you everything I do.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Nikki Glaser has been on a hot streak ever since, hosting the Golden Globes earlier this year and touring the country with a new show. So I knew your work just a little bit here and there. You'd be on this show and that show. And one night I just I was I was fried. And so I went on Netflix looking for something to watch. And there's this Tom Brady roast.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I'm not claiming that this is like, oh, I'm just loving my life now. Like, people are commenting shitty things about me that I'm like, yeah, I said that first. You don't get to say that. And so it was really, I go, oh, they are being mean.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
You've talked about not making political work too often, and you were recently quoted saying this. Oh, God. You just are scared that you're going to get doxxed and death threats or who knows where this leads, like detained. Yes. Honestly, that's not even like a joke. It's like a real fear. You said that. I said it.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I wonder what you make of Elon Musk talking about the need to legalize comedy at CPAC in February.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I mean, I don't think anything of it. I don't believe anything. And I will say for that quote, I feel like taken out of context, I seem alarmist. Have you had that experience? Taken out of context? No, no, no.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
No, but I... You know, I've seen it happen. We've seen it happen to other people. I don't think I'm going to be detained for talking about my vagina on stage or something, but you look at other... countries where things have gone haywire and people have lost their freedom of speech.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
And if you speak out about the leader and if you don't hang his portrait in your house— You end up like Lenny Bruce. You—worse. You just disappear. It's not—I'm not saying it's happening right now. I'm not saying it's happening anytime soon. But it's within the scope of possibilities. And so, yeah, I mean, like—
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
At this point, I've been I'm not like one of the most outspoken people against our president, but I have definitely, you know, if you're paying attention, you know how I feel. And that sometimes scares me to be like, well, how do what's going to be my defense? And my defense is that he's so hot.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I really think he's—I mean, I might not agree with what he does, but he's really—like, I'm really attracted to him.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I want to go on record as saying that I think he's one of the hottest men that's ever lived. And, you know, like, you just hope— that things don't get worse. I think, I mean, right now I feel very safe. I'm not, like, worrying for my life. I was just talking about, you know, that quote was from the Mark Twain Prize at the Kennedy Center.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
It was in the air that night, and I think people are making fun of me for being like, Nikki Glaser thinks she's going to be detained. I don't. It's just, it's happened before in the history of the world a lot.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Nikki, you don't do political material all that much, but some years ago, I think it was eight years ago, at the Rob Lowe roast, you offered some...
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Pretty searing political commentary when it came to Ann Coulter. Let's listen to a clip.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
And without furor ado, Ann Coulter. Oh, Ann. What's it like to be like a real life supervillain? You know, like I'd ask you how you sleep at night, but I'd assume just upside down in a robe of 101 Dalmatians. Ann Coulter has written 11 books, 12 if you count Mein Kampf. Yes.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Ann's been called things like a racist, anti-Semitic, homophobic, a white supremacist, and that's just while getting plowed by Bill Maher. I don't remember that joke.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Why? You seem like you feel bad about it now.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
No, I don't feel bad. I just, I would have chosen different jokes and different delivery. I feel bad about the delivery. And I feel bad, like, I didn't go harder. Like, I would have just liked to just really say it bluntly. Like, you're a terrible person. Like, I think, you know, saying, like, what's it like to be a real-life supervillain? I wish I wouldn't have really, like, laughed in between.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I can tell that I was, like, nervous that she was, like, not going to like me. But I probably would have done the same thing now because it's hard to tell these things to people who you're looking at and who you actually feel that way about.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
And I thought, you know, this seems particularly mindless. Let's do this. Exactly. And then there you were. And I kind of barely knew you. And you killed it. Killed it. I hadn't seen anything like that since, I don't know, Prince playing While My Guitar Gently Weeps on an awards show 20 years ago.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
You saw that they canceled the gig of the comedian at the White House Correspondents Center?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
It's, you bomb no matter what. It's a bad room.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Yeah, even, you know, in past years when it was felt safer. It's just not, yeah, it's a bad room. And so, and also you're just, I don't, you know, I don't want to alienate people and I don't want to make enemies. And I don't like having headlines written about me where it's like, I don't like headlines.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I would rather like just—you know, I like good—I don't want to—yeah, I just don't want to stir up stuff. I mean, my parents would be so proud if I did a gig like that.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Why? Because they— For political reasons?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Yeah. What are their politics? I mean, they're almost, you know—they're very liberal. They're almost too liberal.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
It's just—it's like— It's like you just can't – they're watching Fox News to hate it. They're hate watching. It's knocked years of their lives off of them, the stress that this president has caused them. But yeah, they would be very proud if I did that. But they also like when I'm safe and happy. So I think that they actually wouldn't want me to because they want me to be safe.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
When is that? When are you safe? When are you feeling happy?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
When I'm watching White Lotus, when I'm done with work, when I get to be around my family, when we get to go out for dinner. Like, I live in St. Louis, so I'm— Why do you live in St.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Louis, away from L.A., away from New York?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Because I went back for COVID. I was living in New York when the pandemic started. I went back to just hang out with my parents to wait for it to blow over. It didn't. I just was scared and single and— Just was like, I want to be with my mommy and daddy and I love them. They're really cool. They're funny. They're like my, they're my friends now.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
And so I, I lived with my parents for a year and then I was like a year when I was 36.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
It was awesome. I didn't want to go. They kind of were like, listen, you got to move on. I mean, I was— They threw you out of the house. They kind of did. They were like, this isn't—this is fun. We're all having a good time, but you got to grow up. And we all knew it. I mean, I had been out of their house for years at that point, and I was—I had a huge career.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Like, I was touring theaters from my parents' house. So it's— It was really—but I am, you know, I have—there's a failure to launch kind of thing going on with me. I am a little bit stunted.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Yeah, but you can't do that. You can't pull that off anymore. You are launched into outer space at this point.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Yeah, but I still—I mean, if I'm home alone in St. Louis, if my boyfriend's not there, I sleep at my parents' house. Every single time. I don't like being alone. I like hanging out with them. We watch TV late. Like, that's my happy time is being with my family. So that's why I live in St. Louis. I just was there. And then I would go to fly to New York or L.A. for TV stuff.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
And no one seemed to notice I didn't live there. And I was at a point in my career where... If they are not willing to buy me a Southwest ticket, the gig's not worth it. You know, like people can – I'm not asking to stay at the nicest places or for first class. So I'm just like, well, if you're not willing to fly me out and put me up, like I don't really want the gig.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Oh, I know what you're talking about. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
So it's nice to just be with my family while they're still kicking.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Nikki, finally, how do you view your future?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I really want to work on – my goal for myself is to just – I want more self-acceptance because I'm not going to get smarter. I'm not going to get more talented. Like, all these things I'm waiting to happen. Like, I wish I was this person. I wish I was as funny as that person or as smart or as detail-oriented or organized or beautiful.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
The beauty thing I can work on, there's money to be poured into that. But I think I just want to get—I want to be accepting of—and I am accepting of most things. But I want to do, like, ayahuasca. I want to do, like, mushroom trips. Like, I want to do some spiritual journeys.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
You know how much vomiting is involved in the ayahuasca process?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Do you know how bulimic I was in college? I can handle it.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Nikki Glaser is, of course, on tour. And if you missed her hosting the Golden Globe Awards this year, she'll be hosting them again next year. That's the New Yorker Radio Hour for today. I'm David Remnick. Thanks for listening. See you next time.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Overnight sensation. What goes into being an overnight sensation?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I mean, like, 22 years of, you know, doing it all the time. Of work. And of, honestly, of just not really ever thinking it was going to happen. Just really, just one foot in front of the other. I was not really in a place of, like, when is this going to happen for me? When are people going to notice? Um, I really come from a place of like, I probably don't deserve to get noticed.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I'll just keep working and, and tricking people along the way is kind of what I thought. Like people seem to just like kind of fall for my BS, I guess. And then this came about and I actually, I did advocate for myself to get the Tom Brady roast. I knew it was going to be a huge deal. I didn't know how huge, but I knew, I knew I had it in me to like put the work in.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
You say you advocated to get that gig.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Well, I heard it was happening, and then I just texted the guy who I assumed was going to be in charge of it, Robbie Praw, who is head of comedy at Netflix. He had scouted me for the Just for Laughs festival in, like, 2007. So I had known him since we were both kind of starting out in the business. And I just texted him and I said, I really want to do this roast, and I think I'd be great at it.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
And he said, you know, actually, I'm going to talk to Tom about it today. And...
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Tom Brady had control over who gets to be the roaster?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I think he's an executive producer on it. And so I think, yeah, he was going to have a say in it.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Did you have to perform in front of him or did he watch tapes?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I think he watched tape. I think he was very well versed in roasts getting into it. You know, that guy watches tape.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
What was he thinking saying yes to it?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I think he was just going for the next challenge, the next thing that other people go, I could never do that. Because most people know, like, has there been another one since?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I don't think it's the end, but I think it's a really hard spot to fill. I think that a lot of people aren't brave enough to do it.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
So talk to me a little bit about what goes into the preparation for something like that. I think there's still a mythology that comedians, like singer-songwriters— Sit at home at the kitchen table and they sketch out one joke after another. But it's a lot more complicated and a lot more collaborative than that, isn't it?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
So you start writing jokes and then you start getting jokes sent in from the people that are on your team. And by the way, everyone does this. No one admits that they do it. Why? Because you get talked about on podcasts and different things where people say, oh, well, she had Ryder. You know, you don't get all the glory.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I don't have a lot of shame in saying that I have help because I know everyone does it. But the problem is people on the outside that don't know that everyone has it, they look at me, they can just excuse my talent. And since when is it not a talent to be able to say, here's what I want and, oh, actually make that better. Here's where I want to redo that.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
And every script you have seen a movie of besides Mike White, you know, on White Lotus.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
And maybe this season could have used a little.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I will not say that. I love it. But and then I look at like late night hosts and I'm like, we we never steal anything from their glory. And they have a whole writer's room. We don't take anything from them.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
So you you and writers that you select.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Right. Endless amounts of jokes. Many, many, many more minutes than seven minutes.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
And then how is it worked out? How do you, you go to clubs, you see what works, what doesn't work?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Well, yeah, you just read them. You read jokes all day. You try to make them better. And then you put a set together and then you start going out and you, you know, I think the first time I ran the Tom Brady Rose set, I was doing a corporate gig in Sedona or something. And I just, you know, my act for corporate gigs is not always the best.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
They're kind of confused at some of the themes I'm talking about. It's just not what they expect because they know me from roasts or they know me from late night appearances where it's a little bit cleaner or, you know, not so absurd. Yeah.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
So I was like, oh, yeah, I'll just I'll bring them in on the process because it's really a cool thing for audiences to see the beginning of this thing where I go, OK, I'm doing the Tom Brady roast. Can I try out some jokes? And then you start reading off jokes. You see what hits and you go, OK, that let's try that again.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
And the audience doesn't lie. If you go to if you go to the comedy cellar and you're working out stuff, what might or may not be in a roast.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
What works in the comedy cellar is going to work on the roast.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Yeah. But what struck me, The New York Times did a piece where they followed you around for, I think, a few weeks. The degree to which it was so organized, this process, and how long it took and how careful and in a way unfunny. I mean, so serious. It was like a piece about the jet propulsion lab or something.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Yeah, yeah. It was that exact and that – because it's live. You know, the first three roasts I did, it's a live performance, but it goes through an edit. Right. All the laughs can get beefed up after.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
What did you know would kill and what were you worried about?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Well, Rosa Tom Brady, not worried at all because, like, they were live. So there was no margin of error. There was no one that I was like, this might not work. Like, you can't have those. The three roasts I did where you could edit, yeah, I put in some B-plus jokes that sometimes are A's. Golden Globes and Tom Brady roast, it's live.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
So you can't have those, oh, it might, this could be cool if it works. And that's not to say that they all did work, but I was really sure of all of those.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
How do you pace it out? I noticed that in the Golden Globes, the opening joke is incredibly short.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
It was, welcome to the Golden Globes, Ozempic's biggest night. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. You know, for the Ozempic's biggest night, I just knew it was like, welcome to the Golden Globes. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Like, I just knew that's the cadence I wanted. The rhythm. And I knew that I wanted a joke immediately. I don't want them to have to wait for it. That's something that I talked to...
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I was doing a podcast with Laurie Kilmartin and Jackie Cation, two amazing stand-up comedians, and I was talking about how I just never understand when comedians go out on stage and, like, don't have a really quick joke right away to win over the audience. They kind of, like, dawdle a little bit. Any late-night set you've seen of mine, you can go back and look. Any set, I have a laugh.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
right away like I don't waste any time and it's not because I'm like that's what the audience deserves it's because I don't I don't want them to be like what are we doing here like I and they said they go well that's being a female comic because as and I don't play that card often but I will play that on that one because how come
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
When a man gets on stage, you're like, that looks like a comedian to me. I'm going to give him a little bit more leeway to make me laugh. Okay, I bet he's going to make me laugh. So I'll sit and listen to him not make me laugh.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
This is the New Yorker Radio Hour. I'm David Remnick. Now, a comedy roast is a pretty strange ritual. A celebrated person submits to public humiliation voluntarily. Old wounds are poked out, foibles are mocked, scandals re-aired, usually with great obscenity. The celebrity just sits there showing what a fantastic sport they are, but the discomfort is obvious.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Well, it just never goes away. That feeling of not being worthy or being thought of as less than. And it's wrapped up in also another underlying lack of self-worth that I have that permeates everything I do. But I think a part of it is... I just know that people think women aren't as funny, so I have to prove it right away and be like, see?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
And then like, can we all just relax and you can trust me? Kind of thing.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
So this leap in success seems to have done only a modest amount to alleviate problems with self-worth and anxiety.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
No. I would say nothing. I'm trying to let it in. There's moments where I get, you know, compliments from people I really admire, and they say it in a way that I'm like, oh, that's the way you say it when you mean it. They're not just being nice, and they'll break through a little bit, and I'll go, okay, yeah, I'll take that in. Like, this person wouldn't lie to me.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I just don't... I don't really bask in things, and it's not because I like to be tortured. I just... I don't know. I just don't feel like—well, I think part of it is I don't want to take it in because when it goes away, inevitably, I don't want to be sad.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I mean, it doesn't—there's no one who's been immune to success being kind of pulled away from you. Like, you're only on top for so long. It's going to descend, and it—
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
And I just want to be okay when it descends. But you're surrounded by comedians who have had – sure, they've had ups and downs. Yeah. But, you know, somebody like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler. Yeah. And, you know, from year to year it might vary, but these are long careers that are developing.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
You're scared to admit that that might possibly be you? I mean – Because here's the thing, Nikki. It seems like that's exactly what's happening.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I mean, that's it's I'm starting to let that in that like, OK, I might be reaching a level where it's not going to go away and it's always going to be there and it might go up and down like you're saying. But, um. It's immense pressure, and I almost am tired of hearing myself say it, but I just have imposter syndrome.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I just, you know, I don't know how to beat it, but I just constantly feel like I've tricked someone or someone's going to realize that I'm not as talented as I am or as people think that I am.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I'm tempted to begin the question by saying join the club, and I think it's an enormous human club. Right. But also, is there anybody that you talk to in your world specifically who sets things right for you, makes you feel a little bit better about what the possibilities are? And I think you've said elsewhere that you sometimes or constantly wish you were someone else.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Yeah, a lot of times. I mean, today I'm in a great mood and I love my life and I'm happy with, like— But it's day to day. It's day—it's hour to hour. Like, it really is. I wish I wasn't like this, but I can be so content.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
And this isn't a bit. This isn't a bit. This is core. No, I am—
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
This is annoying. Like, I don't like talking about all of this because it seems like I'm just trying to garner sympathy or something or that I'm trying to be, like, relatable. Oh, it's the famous girl that doesn't think she deserves it. Like, we've all seen that of, like, no, I don't know. I'm just like you. Like, it's not a bit. Because there are some times where I'm like, well, you nailed that.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Like, the Golden Globes I nailed. The Tom Brady roast I nailed. Can I watch those back? Absolutely not. Because in my mind, they went great. But, you know, the clips I have seen or come across when I just quickly go, oh, God. There's there's things I go, why did you say it like that? Like, why did you look like that? There's there's a million things that I would correct.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
But and yes, there are people in my life that make me feel amazing about where I'm at and and ground me and and all those things.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
I'm talking with comedian Nikki Glaser and we'll continue in a moment on the New York Radio Hour. Stick around.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
The roaster can't pull a punch if the thing is going to work. Over the past few years, Nikki Glaser has breathed some new life into this old ritual. In fact, she really owns the roast form these days. I probably needn't tell you about Glaser's roast of the quarterback Tom Brady. It's a phenomenon, and if you haven't seen it, it awaits you happily on Netflix.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
So in an earlier part of your life, and I hate this phrase, but you would take the edge off by drinking. You quit drinking. How do you relieve things now?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Um, I say, I text my friends and my boyfriend and my, and I say, I really say crazy things. I think drinking or whatever I would do to self-soothe that anxiety or that self-hatred to make that voice go away. It's not there anymore. I don't have that. So I just let that voice rage. And I just say crazy stuff about myself. And I just like bully myself like it.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
You know, a lot of sometimes my self-hatred has to do with my looks because it's not really about my looks, but it's just something I can focus on. And so I will, like, Photoshop things to prove to my friends, like, I am ugly. Look how much I look like this person. I'll do, like, side by sides.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Well, just recently you put some photographs out. How did that happen?
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
That—okay, this is— Explain what I'm talking about.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
Yes, okay. So I did The Tonight Show on last Monday. And by the way, I was so depressed that early morning. And then I just started wrapping my head around, you have to be on Jimmy Fallon. And then my mood starts lifting because I just have to turn into—it's not even a character. It just—I have no room to be depressed anymore. I can't go out on Jimmy Fallon sad or— Yeah, you just can't do it.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
It's like so it went away on its own. So I did Jimmy Fallon and I saw one of the pictures where I'm like walking like I'm walking out and I'm like, like my face is like, I'm like, where have I seen that face? And I was like, oh, my God, that's the same face I made when I walked out on the first Tonight Show I ever did. There's like a picture of me like.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
January 2009. And then cut to March 2025. And I was like, oh, let me just do side-by-sides and put out this Instagram post of, like, me and Jimmy at the desk, me and Jay Leno at the desk, me and, you know... And and just I it was more a thing of like how adorable was look at this young girl and look where I am now. It wasn't about like, look where I've been.
The New Yorker Radio Hour
Nikki Glaser at the Top of Her Game
It was also to be like, hey, I've been around a while. Like, isn't this funny? Like I was on The Tonight Show. You had no clue who I was until last May. And I've been around this long. It was just and it was just like, all right, I'll just put this out. And I didn't read. I don't read comments. I don't read any of my Google alerts. I don't.
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
Again, guys, I haven't eaten.
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
Shrek the musical.
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
She's in a lot.
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
I don't know if it's going to be a pause. They're for sure going to mix the old with the new.
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
When was the last time they shared anything? Did they not move in together?
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
It's Brittany saying, what about me?
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
Everyone's more confused about football now.
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
No, I trust her.
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
I do, too, but I... I think she has... And she read Sutton.
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
Reactive?
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
On reality television? Oh, on reality TV?
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
No. I don't think so.
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
Honestly valid.
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
Are you going to go back and watch?
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
I'll probably watch, too.
The Viall Files
E865 - Los Angeles Fires, Allison Holker Backlash, Baldoni’s ‘Leaked’ Voice Note, RHOBH & Bravo Predictions
Are y'all related? Well, shit.
Up First from NPR
Ex-U.S. Capitol Police Officer Remembers Jan. 6, CNN Defamation Trial, Golden Globes
You're all so famous, so talented, so powerful. I mean, you could really do anything. I mean, except tell the country who to vote for. But it's okay. You'll get them next time. If there is one. I'm scared.