Nikki Glaser

I love being like, oh, my God, I don't know the end of this joke. And I'm telling it right now. Is it going to come to me? Yes. The craziest moment of my life. I don't even like to think about it. You know, you have those moments where it's like near death moments. You don't even like to think about when you almost walked in front of a train or something because you're like, oh.

It was at the I Heart Awards or something. And Usher was hosting and he pulled me up to dance, which was really awkward. It was hell. I got like last on Dancing with the Stars. A really deep insecurity of mine is that I can't dance. And so I just don't like to be forced. And with Usher, like the best dancer in the world. And it was in front of Machine Gun Kelly.

It was at the I Heart Awards or something. And Usher was hosting and he pulled me up to dance, which was really awkward. It was hell. I got like last on Dancing with the Stars. A really deep insecurity of mine is that I can't dance. And so I just don't like to be forced. And with Usher, like the best dancer in the world. And it was in front of Machine Gun Kelly.

It was at the I Heart Awards or something. And Usher was hosting and he pulled me up to dance, which was really awkward. It was hell. I got like last on Dancing with the Stars. A really deep insecurity of mine is that I can't dance. And so I just don't like to be forced. And with Usher, like the best dancer in the world. And it was in front of Machine Gun Kelly.

And I remember Megan Fox is sitting next to him and they're all kind of watching this awkward thing. And I brought as my date, my Dancing with the Stars partner who had seen me fail already. And I'm dancing in front of him. It's I'm trying to get some kind of control back in this narrative of dancing. And I'm just thrust into this. And Usher was singing a song right before it.

And I remember Megan Fox is sitting next to him and they're all kind of watching this awkward thing. And I brought as my date, my Dancing with the Stars partner who had seen me fail already. And I'm dancing in front of him. It's I'm trying to get some kind of control back in this narrative of dancing. And I'm just thrust into this. And Usher was singing a song right before it.

And I remember Megan Fox is sitting next to him and they're all kind of watching this awkward thing. And I brought as my date, my Dancing with the Stars partner who had seen me fail already. And I'm dancing in front of him. It's I'm trying to get some kind of control back in this narrative of dancing. And I'm just thrust into this. And Usher was singing a song right before it.

It was a Michael Jackson song. I just didn't know the words to. Everyone else seemed to. And he put the mic in my face. Oh, no. Usher, if you would have given me one of your songs, I would have nailed it. But I don't know this obscure. It was to me. This is literally my nightmare. So that already happened. This is not live on TV, but it's the whole audience. It was at the Dolby or something.

It was a Michael Jackson song. I just didn't know the words to. Everyone else seemed to. And he put the mic in my face. Oh, no. Usher, if you would have given me one of your songs, I would have nailed it. But I don't know this obscure. It was to me. This is literally my nightmare. So that already happened. This is not live on TV, but it's the whole audience. It was at the Dolby or something.

It was a Michael Jackson song. I just didn't know the words to. Everyone else seemed to. And he put the mic in my face. Oh, no. Usher, if you would have given me one of your songs, I would have nailed it. But I don't know this obscure. It was to me. This is literally my nightmare. So that already happened. This is not live on TV, but it's the whole audience. It was at the Dolby or something.

It's thousands of people. And it's kind of after the show and Usher is just dancing. And so I had to do this awkward dance. And then I was like, Usher, can I just have the mic? I just need to do one thing I'm good at, which is talking into a mic. So I was like, can I just say how embarrassing that just was? I got last on Dancing with the Stars. I did my Dancing with the Stars bit.

It's thousands of people. And it's kind of after the show and Usher is just dancing. And so I had to do this awkward dance. And then I was like, Usher, can I just have the mic? I just need to do one thing I'm good at, which is talking into a mic. So I was like, can I just say how embarrassing that just was? I got last on Dancing with the Stars. I did my Dancing with the Stars bit.

It's thousands of people. And it's kind of after the show and Usher is just dancing. And so I had to do this awkward dance. And then I was like, Usher, can I just have the mic? I just need to do one thing I'm good at, which is talking into a mic. So I was like, can I just say how embarrassing that just was? I got last on Dancing with the Stars. I did my Dancing with the Stars bit.

I always say on Dancing with the Stars, I got first voted off. And I say in front of my dance partner, Gleb Shevchenko, who is as hot as his name is disgusting. And so I have my bits. I wasn't trying to make it about me. I was just trying to get a couple jokes in. And I go, everyone in the audience, I want you to know what I'm feeling right now.

I always say on Dancing with the Stars, I got first voted off. And I say in front of my dance partner, Gleb Shevchenko, who is as hot as his name is disgusting. And so I have my bits. I wasn't trying to make it about me. I was just trying to get a couple jokes in. And I go, everyone in the audience, I want you to know what I'm feeling right now.

I always say on Dancing with the Stars, I got first voted off. And I say in front of my dance partner, Gleb Shevchenko, who is as hot as his name is disgusting. And so I have my bits. I wasn't trying to make it about me. I was just trying to get a couple jokes in. And I go, everyone in the audience, I want you to know what I'm feeling right now.

The thing you're worst at in the world that has been determined on ABC that you are terrible at. And you have to do it in front of Usher. And I go, Machine Gun Kelly? And... And I forgot Megan Fox's name. As I'm saying Machine Gun Kelly, I'm going, and it was probably to me, 20 seconds of like, what is her? And at the last second, it just Megan Fox, but it was so close.

The thing you're worst at in the world that has been determined on ABC that you are terrible at. And you have to do it in front of Usher. And I go, Machine Gun Kelly? And... And I forgot Megan Fox's name. As I'm saying Machine Gun Kelly, I'm going, and it was probably to me, 20 seconds of like, what is her? And at the last second, it just Megan Fox, but it was so close.

The thing you're worst at in the world that has been determined on ABC that you are terrible at. And you have to do it in front of Usher. And I go, Machine Gun Kelly? And... And I forgot Megan Fox's name. As I'm saying Machine Gun Kelly, I'm going, and it was probably to me, 20 seconds of like, what is her? And at the last second, it just Megan Fox, but it was so close.

And I go, what would have happened had I not remembered? That's why I can't fucking just riff. Like I can't be trusted. It's like your life flashes before your eyes. I'm not remembering Megan Fox's fucking name. But thankfully it came out. But one of those moments, you're always putting yourself in bad situations.