Nir Eyal

You're supposed to tell people how you really feel.

Well, it turns out that's not true.

That venting is one of the worst things you can do because venting does nothing more than cement this effigy that we build with people.

Because we don't see people as they are.

We see our beliefs about people.

Especially people you know the best in your life.

That's so like him or she always does that.

We see people as we believe they are, not as they truly are.

And we see this all the time.

People who, the longer they stay married, the worse they treat each other.

When they first fell in love with each other, they treat each other nicely, or maybe they, I've seen this with some of my friends, they treat strangers super well, but the person they love more, they're supposed to love more and be more loyal to than anybody else in the world, they treat poorly because they don't see that person anymore.

They see this patina that they built over the years because of their beliefs.

So anyways, I knew that venting was not going to be helpful.

And instead, I did a turnaround.

Now, what is a turnaround?

This technique comes from Byron Katie, so she deserves credit for it.

And she developed these four questions that help us evaluate the usefulness of our beliefs.

And it turns out that this practice is actually thousands of years old.

It goes back all the way to Aristotle.

So she gives us four questions.