Orla

5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11.

All right, too busy stabbing.

Jesus Christ.

You barely know her.

She's dead.

So one of them is down, down.

All right. And... Can we designate one as the one that's dating my daughter? Because I'm for sure going, oh!

Yes, yes, yes. So I'm gonna go for him. I think I'm gonna cast Mind Slipper.

Yeah. I drive a disorienting spike of psychic energy in the mind of one creature you can see within range. They must succeed on an intelligence saving throw. Oh wait, our elf's like really smart.

Nine? That's less than 15. That's correct. You're going to fail.

Well, I'm a mother and that's my whole thing, so it's, you're not good enough for my daughter!

1d6 psychic damage and subtract 1d4 from the next saving throw it makes before the end of my next turn.

Yeah, they look quite good.

I just got cute pink dice. I don't think Chessex will ever sponsor us. And he's disadvantaged on something.

That really seems like something we should have arranged before we got here.

Yeah, but there won't be any gold inside of this, uh... Do you have any sort of lightning-y explosives that we could make them look like they died from the big lever wall?

I support this plan.

God damn these.

Thank you. I love you.

My huge rapid ears could totally have heard that if I hadn't rolled so badly.

To Mary Shelley?

What's the carrying weight of a beholder?

Yeah, the hallway should look like nobody's.

Can I help with that? Can I, like, do it as well?

Well, I rolled a 17. You want to take that as your advantage?

23.

Oh, do they roll over? Yeah. Is there like rollover minutes?

Rollover minutes. I haven't dealt with rollover minutes in years.

Instead of fantasy flamethrower, yeah. Yeah, it's a good one.

Things are bearsplaining now.

Well, if it's all in the same place, then it's figuratively out of this world.

Not really.

Between one and five million. Where's he going to be?

And that's why there's so much money.

There's always a vault at these places? Yeah. Is this the background work you've done on this site? Yeah, there's a vault.

There's a lot of hypothetical questions on the heist planet.

This bit is over.

Gino, out of curiosity, did you bet on the people who'd won a lot or hadn't won a lot?

So the ones that haven't won a lot.

Is that the best metaphor for a heist that I think we should probably put a bit more effort and thinking into?

That just sounds fun. I'll be at the matches table.

Keep the ye olde fashions to a minimum.

Over to Matches for sure.

Oh, Matches. Matches sounds fun.

Okay, okay. Then we'll start there. I'm just assuming matches is just a big memory game. I'm just like, oh. I thought that was there. I thought the apple was there.

Why would a rhino ever try and pick up matches?

Oh, this one? I'll be sipping carrot juice. Talk me off a little bit of that one.

You know my favorite. The person responsible for running the game is also getting drinks.

Okay, so I rolled this publicly. That's a two. And then I rolled my d4 as the dealer privately. And you get to, if you hit 10, you double your money.

So you get to reroll your d4, or roll your d4.

So you got a two plus something. I rolled another one.

Okay. No pressure.

Are there straights in this game? Yeah. I'm a royal plus.

Ooh, I got two fours. Keep the fours.

Another four? So roll all of them again.

Oh, I got three.

I'm sorry, what were you saying? She just turns down her hearing.

Oh, no, I put some liquor in there.

I have a thing. Hold on one sec.

Yeah, yeah. So that makes it a seven. I have this thing called Lucky Footwork, and it's a dex check thing. But I think it's just straight dex check.

Does it work like that?

When you fail a dex saving throw, you can... Oh, no, it's a saving throw. Damn it.

Seven.

I forget, did we decide to all be guards?

I'm going heavy maintenance, and I'm carrying a ladder.

Oh, wait! It pops up ten feet.

I'm doing maintenance.

Looks like we'll be going into this heist just as unprepared as last time.

Clearly, certainly.

I'm going to take my ladder and head off towards where we have decided I need to access a point of access.

How long have you been sitting on that joke?

And I'm not sure that his background knowledge was all that helpful last time around, to be very honest.

My itinerary. Did you get that from the museum? I...

Where have you been? I've been climbing up and down the first two steps of this ladder for 15 minutes trying to look busy.

What do you mean you're going up there for... My understanding is that the high-stakes roller table is closed for the game. That there's no one up there.

to fix the air conditioning.

I'm going to edge past and be like, excuse me, excuse me, and come in with my ladder. It would be really annoying.

13.

Would it be our understanding from the conversation that she had with Janet that this is closed for the night?

Yeah, do we see any other access points to the room?

5.

Your eyes go up immediately.

Does anyone else see this eye?

Honestly, I'm looking forward to an opportunity to use it. So I'll go over and prop the ladder up, climb up, and I'm just going to check it out. I think maybe I should cast Detect Magic on it.

Oh, you can't cast any spells at all?

Even at this point in the... Okay. Well, I'm just... I'm checking it out, then. Can I poke it?

While you're down there, get me some carrots. Be alone.

Probably not.

12.

12?

Wow, I just decided I would go first.

Oh, it's like anything vaguely worthy of us. This is perfect. Queenie.

Oh my, trap a beholder?

I don't know anything about beholder lore, but this seems really badass.

You see one of the ice dogs start coming out.

They look nothing alike. What are the chances of that? How many yield passions have you had tonight, Cheeto?

Can we all just agree to discuss before we shoot next time?

Can we try prying doors open?

I would like to try that.

Why did you bring this ladder? You can put the ladder in from ten feet away, just to leverage it.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You know when they use those elevators.

So just to be clear, I'm not looking into an elevator itself.

You hear through the open window, are you open or not? I just want a sandwich, I can hear you! Get a job, hippie! I have a job! That's how I'm gonna pay for the sandwich!

You know what?

Get a job, hippie. Ah.

Probably a more experienced crew, I'll say, longingly.

I'm a mother of 10, I've eaten weirder things.

Fucking blood all over the place. I'm covered in blood. How broken is this mechanism?

I don't want to roll more real dice. It's meaner than computers. The computer room. I'm a computer. I'm in the computer room! The two cards from before seem sus now.

Mending?

I cast Mending 100 times.

No, it's just one. So 100 minutes. One hour and a half later. Is it mending 10 minutes or no? No, it's one minute.

I have wipes, it's fine.

Oh, I can do that shit? It's a cantrip.

It's one minute casting time.

That's why everyone needs D&D Beyond.

Anyone else can do this faster?

Maybe I don't want it.

Everybody like pain singularly has climbed the rope and the elevator doors just open.

Chino, mind your tongue. Can you help me look for tracks?

He's entitled.

We can't carry you.

There's four guard out there in line. Maybe we should drop our voices a bit.

Nine, ten.

I would say it's like a whole Pixar short with really great music.

Look with your special eyes.

They all have white hair.

Do we understand what the silver hair means?

Knuckles, tonight you've shot an eye that turned into a beholder. You nearly died touching a lever that you didn't know. Don't you think that some kind of charisma-based activity.

All right, so I will, I'm going to call out to the people.

To the Dark Elves. Hold on, hold on.

In sort of a no-weapons situation. Hello. You seem to be heisting the same heist that we're heisting. Dreadfully sorry. Could we come to sort of some arrangement?

There's like four of them.

Eight people is better than four. Maybe we could help each other out here.

Yeah, as somebody who didn't watch any of your Flamefall episodes, would that be meaningful to me?

All right. I would like... There does seem to be like a leader.

I'm going to cast Calm Emotions on them in their radius, so not us at all, just I'm going to sort of pick the middle of their group of people. And so each humanoid in a 20-foot radius has to make a Charisma saving throw.

I don't know how to tell that.

I don't see the word charm anywhere. Oh, choose one of the following two effects. No, no, no. Oh wait, you can suppress any effect causing a target to be charmed. Oh, that's right.

Call motion's not a charm. Alternatively, you can make a target indifferent about creatures.

I don't know how to tell. Oh, it's a... No, it's a 15.

They are indifferent about us.

Yeah, which they definitely seemed to be.

They need to be separated. Each humanoid in a 20-foot radius.

So one of them is just like, Kai!

So I only have a minute of this. So I'm going to capitalize on just saying, like, let's just agree to work together. You can always split the money. Your plan doesn't work out, maybe ours will, and vice versa.

Absolutely.

Yeah, just do it real quick.

What are you guys thinking? What are you doing? We made a promise. We can't let a single gold coin go to these chumps. It's fine. We'll deal with it later. We need to get in to see the loot. We don't have much time left. You heard it. There's five points. The Mighty Trunks must have scored at least one.

I'm going to say to the codecracker person, I'm hearing a lot of anger. Let's all just bring it down a notch. Take some nice deep breaths and control ourselves and let's use our words.

Gino, I can only hold this for a few more seconds. Let's hurry.

In less than a minute, they will attack us again.

You can't say that. We can't condone learning anything from RDM tonight. That's very serious.

In my, like, yeah, and in my last seconds, I'm feeling the spell, like, lucidate.

I want to ask them to take their masks off, the three that are not hostile towards me.

And can I just, like, ask as a little behind-the-scenes, like, are dark elves just, like, people who live in this realm, too?

Give me a good dark elf name.

We're going to dudify it by saying Aluna. Okay. I'm going to say Aluna, Darkshine, Maguire. Is that you? And I'm going to flashback to when my oldest daughter, just a month or so ago, brought home her boyfriend to meet the family. And this is that very same dark elf.

Which Mary was this? That is exactly what Eamon and I said.

I'll take off my maintenance hat, which was apparently completely hiding.

I'm hoping for an end so that we've all just humanized each other a little bit and nobody's going to kill each other when this one minute spell is up and say, hi, how could you in this life of crime? of all people.

You're in a room.

I know we killed to get in here, but we can't. We have to, we have to let them go or something. I mean, I know they've seen us, but we'll be out of here in seconds. We can just leave him alone. We don't have to kill him.

I'm just gonna say, I told my husband I thought you were a good boy. I am a good boy.

All right, let's get through this door.

Love a good blood olive.

It's just a couple chunks.

Okay. Groin. Groin.

Oh, is that what this is?

Yes, it is nose. And as somebody who's been playing Wordle every day for at least a year or two with Derek, I just died laughing, realizing it.

I get the sense that we may only have six shots of this.

How long have you elves been here? With your great intellect. You hear a...

Which one?

Give me 20 and we'll reconvene.

I don't know if I'm more disappointed that you're here or that you're terrible at it.

Maybe Merry Christmas is better suited. No, just keep him away! Merry Christmas is even younger than Mary Mary.

I was really expecting it to not be gold.

It's the friends we made along the way.

That seems fair.

We're rolling for initiative, right?

Oh, we've got selfies.

4.

Oh boy, are you really doing this?

Or I'll just panically throw this up in the hole.

Take as much as you fucking can!

No, don't take up too much space. We've got a space limit here. I don't know if that's a priority.

Oh, do we need to do both? Yes.

22 for acrobatics.

And you said athletics is the other one, right?

Oh, I just don't understand what just happened.

It's the dividing by zero.

Yeah, you're really sucked out, though.

I really think it's a- No, I think it's just a kit with some makeup and a wig in it.

Can I also have a disguise kit? Can I come over and try to futz with this hair?

I collect the body, I'm holding the body. Stand in front of the body.

We're all holding bodies and don't know what to do with them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have the one who is dating my daughter. Oh, yeah.

And I still look like the person who's caring.

The casino owners told us to get into the vaults. It was an all hands on deck situation because of the call. There was a call that was contested and it threw the entire arena into chaos.

How do the holes work? Time out. What are we gonna do? Hold on. How do the holes work, though? Do they lead somewhere that's predetermined? No, we can just pick them up.

We're all really behind.

11. Can I get some magic inspiration?

We don't know what foul magic he might have.

Yeah, because I cannot roll less than 10 on deception checks.

Oh, right. Because of my son's thing. So I rolled a six, but it doesn't matter. Fuck you, dice. Fuck you, dice. Get out of here.

I fiddle with the deck. I'm just watching.

The beholder's losing?

And he, like, triggered the vault.

So that could be a problem at any time.

Is there air in the holes when we have to pick them back up?

I'm very nervous and sweating and breathing heavily.

We were just innocent bystanders.

And as we all know.

I'm gonna climb down, but I'm gonna have to... step over the chaos of the battle if there's even steps left.

Luckily, I'm quite good at that.

I believe you can do it. You're going to do it.

Right.

So what are we going to do when we get out of here? And I don't think there will be much of us left to rest if that thing gets here before they do.

You have verdict of inspiration, remember.

That is a great mug. Does it have the writing on the other side too? No, it's just hugs.

Just checking to see if there's more loots. Yeah, same.

Is there any intact?

Probably not, right?

Across any distance and even other planes of existence.

Yeah. But if the target is on a different plane than you, there's a 5% chance that the message doesn't arrive.

How on earth am I gonna survive?

Thanks, thanks.

There's no plan.

I know you'll pick the right one, and I'll cast Barak Inspiration on him, too.

Can I move this one to the side so we can see what it is later? Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Yeah, if you're doing Dungeons and Dragons.

You know. Part of me wonders if this will help in some way.

I love that. I love that. So what does Dungeon do?

You're gonna be the big bad on the next turn.

What happened to him? I don't know if that's the best option.

Boss! Boss! Can we talk to you, boss? Didn't it say extra planar?

It is distressing to think that we've been heisting with somebody with such terrible underpants.

No crippling debt, I assume.

I'm going to suggest that she goes first.

Just don't disappear, okay?

I don't know that that's the best idea. Why not? I didn't go anywhere. If it seems like you have some newfound power, maybe we should use that.

I mean, I'm a rabbit and I still don't want to end up in some other plane of existence with not a Stajan. But you don't know that that's what's going to happen.

Fine.

God, I did my old boss. That looks fun. Jester.

I mean, I am a bard. There's bard-y qualities here.

Oh. What? Is that a permanent thing? Can I update my shit?

Oh, can you see? Do I have the option of picking zero, one, or two?

For fuck's sake. Skull seems great. That's probably good. Hey, yeah. You played the lovely game Skull. I hate you all so much. You're pressuring the newest player, and I don't appreciate it, and I just want to go home to my family.

Do you wanna pull your second card, see if you can use it to do any death?

Can she see the death avatar? I would say I'm still just holding the cards out, like looking at you while you stare off. You're now in slow-mo and I just look over and there's death.

Did I do this right? I am a level four now. Does anything reset when you level up? Nope. It's not like, wow.

Like 30? You mean like my full amount? Yeah, if you were at full health. I'm at full power.

35. You should take Counterspell.

Just destroy him. I think I'm going to... your death, that your death. I don't know, I was expecting something a little scarier, and I'll cast Hideous Laughter.

It is a wisdom saving throw. It gets a six. Wisdom 15 is the attack, so that really fails. It falls prone. becomes incapacitated and is unable to stand up for the duration. And the length of time is one minute, as long as I can concentrate.

That seems like an important thing to know.

At the end of each of its turns, and each time it takes damage, the target can make another wisdom saving throw.

It has advantage on the saving throw if it's triggered by damage, too.

What am I doing? But it lost one turn.

That's fun. I like that. I can't believe we've done this to the new game.

I'm gonna go for a dart. I'm gonna throw a dart. Okay. Okay, we go. Otherwise I have to get in close.

Why?

I can hit them extra well if they're just laying there.

Oh, then let's do that. I'm learning. Give me some credit. Kick them in the face. I'm going to do a dagger attack then.

So I'm making an additional.

Dirty 20. And I do 1d4 plus four.

So five damage? Five damage.

Everyone on this table is my enemy. You are so welcome.

I get to, I get to. You get to. Interesting terminology.

Oh, good.

This is all just straight damage I add to my HP, right?

Good God. I am a baby.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna like, I'm probably like doubled over all over. It hurts, it stinks. Didn't even hurt. And I'll cast Mind Sliver at him.

Which is one of my cantrips. Intelligence? Yeah, it's an intelligence saving throw of 15.

So he takes 1d6 of psychic damage. And I got a six. Oh, thanks.

And you have to subtract the d4 from your next saving throw.

Before the end of my next turn.

Is this what hell sounds like?

All right, I'm going to hobble up and do the whole necessarily got sort of swagger and say, you don't even want to be doing this, and I'm going to cast Charm Person.

Oh, fuck. Is he, oh, is he maybe not even a humanoid?

Is humanoid and undead like mutually exclusive?

So there's nothing I can do.

All right. So after he took the last swipe, did he get up? Did he spend any time?

Got it. We're going to do some more darts, I think.

I've been out of the combat game for so long as a mother of 10, which, by the way, you're responsible for when I die. You're going to be raising 10 rabbit babies. Perfect.

I'm gonna fucking wipe the blood off my chin and cast Hideous Laughter again. Okay.

And remember, you have to subtract a d4 from your saving throw.

I'm sure it was.

So what did you have to subtract? I have to roll a d4.

You keep mind slivering and... Why do you have like a 2003 Motorola ascending?

All right, I'll mind sliver again. You have to make an intelligence saving roll of 15.

5.

It took damage. Oh, it's still laughing. So it has to do a wisdom saving throw right now.

Okay. I'm casting mind sliver again. You have to make an intelligence saving throw of 15. And because I cast Mind Sliver the last time. It's intelligence. Did you take four out of the last time? No, you took four out of that.

It's a nine.

It takes six damage.

I'm, like, inches from death. There you go. I'm holding intestines, like, into my stomach.

It was all fucking in my head.

Why don't you give me a minute, please? Maybe we'll save the next draw for another time.

Is it like Genie Wishes where I can do one 20 years from now?

At that moment, yeah.

But I didn't say, like, one of the two or anything. Like, I just said, I'm gonna pick one card.

Not until I feel a little better.

I just felt super powered. Why do you even bother?

I do. I have to admit that I do. I'm very grievously injured, I think. Wait, what? What is this deck?

What the fuck is... Tell my children that peer pressure is for no man.

I wish that I picked a different card.

Well, I think there's a plot of our next dice.

So you're not going to tell me where her item is? Oh, yeah, you gotta at least tell them where her item is.

Today's going to be a real riches to rags. You know?

Wait, did you just say that?

Welcome to Legends of Evandros, where the points don't matter.

Oh, thank you. Don't put Ruin back in.

Indefinitely. Just forever.

I gotta shuffle these.

This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to our channel. Thank you, Kimma. Orla's body is just lying there. Hey, Orla, aren't you enjoying this? As if in disagreement. Fights!

I don't have any more stories for you.

Don't bring Orla back. It is way too funny narrative-wise. I'm gonna use that as a hook for Feywild. Yeah, for sure. For sure, Abby.

Actually, a couple of us. I have an idea.

This is the post credit. Yeah.

Guarded by two giants. And guarded by that quail.

Brooch?

Brooch. Brooch a subject. Oh, okay. Or pin a brooch on yourself.

Yeah, we need to talk about your underwear.

Thank you for joining us, Lauren, for this adventure. This was super fun. It was so great having you here.

What a ridiculous nonsense session today was. Perfect, perfect way to end.

I'm glad I didn't listen to my cousin and store it all under my mattress. Ensure your portable holds today.

Yes, this is an immature scream. It is an immature scream.

Just start flipping all of the gold coins and seeing if any happens. Oh, there we go. More than often.

It's a gambling pastime. It's a gambling hobby.