Owen

She also says the very important thing for a woman in that situation is to accept that apology and not go after him.

If the woman...

accepts the apology and recognizes that it's a gift.

It's a gift to get that apology because it allows her to go back into her normal mode of feeling, that that will work out well.

But if she doubles down, if she goes after him, if she starts getting even more angry or in any way

punishes him for doing that, she'll never get that husband apology again.

Well, it's not so much about was the apology good enough.

I think it's more just if the husband gives the apology, the woman should just show gratitude or at least accept the apology and not say, I was right and keep going.

Because if you do that, then the man just learned that that doesn't work and he's never going to do that again.

oh well so this is just part of her coaching for both men and women in terms of how to get through these situations but um i think it falls somewhat in line with what it was in the reframe that you know if you're judging more based on how the person handled the mistake

as opposed to the mistake itself, then you have a much better chance of getting along with people.

And like Scott said, if you don't do that, then you're probably not going to get along with very many people because everybody makes mistakes.

Well, I was just going to say, I mean, I think Scott was a great example of this, that he was probably one of the most non-judgmental people that I've ever met or encountered.

And I think it was tied into his simulation theory and his theory of lack of free will.

And that was actually my insight trying to just process his idea of people not having free will.

Because...

on one level it's like okay if people don't have free will then like okay what is like how does that change your behavior how does that change how you think about people or how you feel about people or how you act around people because in in many ways it's you know the way he presents it it's like well you have the illusion of free will so you think you have free will but you don't and it's like okay well if that's the case then how is it any different like why does it matter if you believe or not

whether someone has free will, because if they have the illusion of free will and you act like you have free will, then it's no different, right?

And I think the insight I had was just, okay, the net result I see is that you would be much less judgmental of people.

You would say, okay, we might still need to punish criminals because that's the only way the system will work and things like that.