Paul Conti

The first thing is to separate how we feel from what's true.

Because we don't do a good job of that as humans.

If I feel bad about myself, it's very easy to, then I conclude, like, I'm bad, right?

If I feel ashamed of myself, I conclude I'm a terrible person who's shameful, right?

This is the, you know, there's an old psychodynamic concept of what they used to call an observing ego.

It still gets called that.

It's not ego in the sense of arrogance, right?

It's the ability to step outside and to see ourselves, right?

right?

So that's what lets us keep the difference between our feelings, right?

And what we know to be true.

Like we could be very angry at someone.

So I think that person's terrible.

I think the person's stupid.

I think that right now, because like something negative just passed between us, this inside of me, it's just because of how I feel.

Like when I can separate that, how do I actually think about that person, right?

And, you know, we get driven so...

so frequently by how we feel because how we think, therefore what we believe, right, just kind of comes on its heels as if the feeling is dragging it along.

And I've been struck by that.

It's one of the things that has struck me so deeply