Peter Gray

So it's valuable as part of growing up to assume more responsibility for oneself, to be able to do things independently without always having an adult there watching you every minute.

Of course, I'm concerned about your safety and I'm sure you are too.

But let's have a talk about what you think you would really like to do that's maybe just a little bit scary for you that you would like to do and you would like my permission for you to do it.

Let's have that conversation.

Maybe you're talking to a 10-year-old daughter.

And the daughter says, you know what I would really like to do is I would like to ride my bicycle all by myself to my friend's house.

And so maybe the parent has never allowed the daughter to go out of the parent's sight on her bicycle.

So now maybe the parent feels that I'm not ready to let you do that.

And then maybe there's kind of a discussion, a negotiation.

And the daughter says, well, how about if I just ride around the block?

by myself and you can sit out on the stoop and watch me go around the corner and come back around the corner so the parent says okay i'll do that and so the child does that and the child comes back beaming i did that all by myself and i live to tell the tale you know this the parent sees this

And the parent begins to be, we've observed this.

My colleague, Lenore Skenazy, who really developed this technique, has sat and watched how the expression on parents' faces changed.

The parent is happy the child did this, and the parent is happy the child is happy.

what breaks into this cycle of overprotection the parent sees the child did this now the parent is a little bit more ready to allow the child to do what she wanted to do in the first place so go all by herself to her friend's house and now

Now there's a better balance between the concern for safety and also the realization that this is a real growing experience.

And the parent begins to feel proud, not just for protecting the child, but for the fact that the parent is allowing the child to grow up.

Yes, it's almost a knee-jerk reaction we have.

If there's some problem that we see among kids, well, that means there's something else we have to take away from them.

We took away their freedom to go out and play outdoors.