Peter Gray

We're just not, we're not as a community taking children into account anymore.

We've become a very child unfriendly world in that way.

So the important thing for play is not the amount of time the adult has with the child.

The important thing is how much time the child has with other children.

And play is between children.

When an adult is involved, the play is not true play because at least not if the adult is telling them what to do or deciding on the rules and controlling them.

So there should be more time in camp, at school recesses, during lunch hour, we need more time for real play.

I've watched recesses in the Boston elementary schools that are just 15 minutes long.

That's not enough time for children to really get something going.

You need more time than that.

at least half an hour right to get something going and ideally the same children would be playing together over time uh over days so they get to know one another learn one another's ways of playing this is what we what we need to to bring back

That's exactly right.

You know, one thing I would recommend to parents is the book by Alison Gopnik called The Gardener and the Carpenter.

Gopnik is one of the leading developmental psychologists in the country who studied cognitive development among children, problem-solving development, and written about the amazing thing children could do.

But this book, The Gardener and the Carpenter, is oriented towards parents.

And she describes there two contrasting styles of parenting, the gardener approach, which is the approach obviously that she favors,

is so you plant the seed you provide the fertilizer you provide the fertile ground and you let it grow the carpenter style is you try to shape this product into some image that you have in mind and she points out that ultimately the carpenter style always fails

You can't shape your child into just what you want.

Your child has characteristics that are your child's characteristics, and you have to let your child grow.

Only your child can know what your child really loves to do, and you have to help your child