Pico Ayer

One day, some years ago, I looked around the small, temporary apartment I was sharing with my mother and saw no cause for hope. A wildfire had burnt our house to the ground and reduced every last thing inside it to ash. Every photo, every memento and childhood keepsake, all the handwritten notes that were the basis for my next three books, everything was gone. MUSIC PLAYS

One day, some years ago, I looked around the small, temporary apartment I was sharing with my mother and saw no cause for hope. A wildfire had burnt our house to the ground and reduced every last thing inside it to ash. Every photo, every memento and childhood keepsake, all the handwritten notes that were the basis for my next three books, everything was gone. MUSIC PLAYS

One day, some years ago, I looked around the small, temporary apartment I was sharing with my mother and saw no cause for hope. A wildfire had burnt our house to the ground and reduced every last thing inside it to ash. Every photo, every memento and childhood keepsake, all the handwritten notes that were the basis for my next three books, everything was gone. MUSIC PLAYS

I needed to look after my mother as her only child, but I also needed to support my Japanese girlfriend and her two small children across the sea. I couldn't work out how to be in two places at the same time. A friend suggested I go to a Benedictine retreat house four hours up the California coast.

I needed to look after my mother as her only child, but I also needed to support my Japanese girlfriend and her two small children across the sea. I couldn't work out how to be in two places at the same time. A friend suggested I go to a Benedictine retreat house four hours up the California coast.

I needed to look after my mother as her only child, but I also needed to support my Japanese girlfriend and her two small children across the sea. I couldn't work out how to be in two places at the same time. A friend suggested I go to a Benedictine retreat house four hours up the California coast.

If nothing else, he said, I'd have my own desk there and a private walled garden with dazzling ocean views, all for just $30 a night. What more did I have to lose, I thought? My future had disappeared overnight, and so had my past. On the long drive up, as ever, I heard myself fretting over deadlines, worried about leaving my mother behind, carrying on an argument with a faraway friend.

If nothing else, he said, I'd have my own desk there and a private walled garden with dazzling ocean views, all for just $30 a night. What more did I have to lose, I thought? My future had disappeared overnight, and so had my past. On the long drive up, as ever, I heard myself fretting over deadlines, worried about leaving my mother behind, carrying on an argument with a faraway friend.

If nothing else, he said, I'd have my own desk there and a private walled garden with dazzling ocean views, all for just $30 a night. What more did I have to lose, I thought? My future had disappeared overnight, and so had my past. On the long drive up, as ever, I heard myself fretting over deadlines, worried about leaving my mother behind, carrying on an argument with a faraway friend.

Then I turned onto a one-lane road that snaked up to the top of a mountain. I got out of my car 1,200 feet above the Pacific Ocean and stepped into a simple cell. Suddenly, in ways I couldn't explain, all the debates and anxieties that had been slicing me up 15 minutes earlier fell away. The sun burned on the water far below. A rabbit was standing on the splintered fence in my garden.

Then I turned onto a one-lane road that snaked up to the top of a mountain. I got out of my car 1,200 feet above the Pacific Ocean and stepped into a simple cell. Suddenly, in ways I couldn't explain, all the debates and anxieties that had been slicing me up 15 minutes earlier fell away. The sun burned on the water far below. A rabbit was standing on the splintered fence in my garden.

Then I turned onto a one-lane road that snaked up to the top of a mountain. I got out of my car 1,200 feet above the Pacific Ocean and stepped into a simple cell. Suddenly, in ways I couldn't explain, all the debates and anxieties that had been slicing me up 15 minutes earlier fell away. The sun burned on the water far below. A rabbit was standing on the splintered fence in my garden.

I stepped outside and was welcomed by a vast expanse of brush and blue for as far as I could see. I came inside again and began scribbling at the desk, recording everything around me. When I stood up, I had covered three pages, though barely twenty minutes had passed. I walked into the communal kitchen and brought back an apple and some salad.

I stepped outside and was welcomed by a vast expanse of brush and blue for as far as I could see. I came inside again and began scribbling at the desk, recording everything around me. When I stood up, I had covered three pages, though barely twenty minutes had passed. I walked into the communal kitchen and brought back an apple and some salad.

I stepped outside and was welcomed by a vast expanse of brush and blue for as far as I could see. I came inside again and began scribbling at the desk, recording everything around me. When I stood up, I had covered three pages, though barely twenty minutes had passed. I walked into the communal kitchen and brought back an apple and some salad.

I sat in a rocking chair, munching, and then, hours later, after darkness fell, I walked out into a great tumble of stars. Although I was alone in my silent cell, I didn't feel alone. The people I loved felt closer to me than when they were in the same room.

I sat in a rocking chair, munching, and then, hours later, after darkness fell, I walked out into a great tumble of stars. Although I was alone in my silent cell, I didn't feel alone. The people I loved felt closer to me than when they were in the same room.

I sat in a rocking chair, munching, and then, hours later, after darkness fell, I walked out into a great tumble of stars. Although I was alone in my silent cell, I didn't feel alone. The people I loved felt closer to me than when they were in the same room.

I took a long walk at daybreak along the monastery road, past benches here and there looking out to sea, and a smile from a stranger went through me as no sentence ever could. Often I just sat in a chair and did what is usually hardest for me, nothing at all. The monks who opened their doors, even to non-Christians like myself, made no demands on any visitor.

I took a long walk at daybreak along the monastery road, past benches here and there looking out to sea, and a smile from a stranger went through me as no sentence ever could. Often I just sat in a chair and did what is usually hardest for me, nothing at all. The monks who opened their doors, even to non-Christians like myself, made no demands on any visitor.