PJ Vogt

I wanted this the way people forced underwater want oxygen. I was convinced that if I could have this, every other problem would take care of itself, and I'd just be in a permanent state of happiness. Like, I would not feel pain. Taking ecstasy would be like drinking room-temperature tap water. 24-7 nirvana, if I could just get a job telling true, reasonably amusing stories. My life had a focus.

I wanted this the way people forced underwater want oxygen. I was convinced that if I could have this, every other problem would take care of itself, and I'd just be in a permanent state of happiness. Like, I would not feel pain. Taking ecstasy would be like drinking room-temperature tap water. 24-7 nirvana, if I could just get a job telling true, reasonably amusing stories. My life had a focus.

I wanted this the way people forced underwater want oxygen. I was convinced that if I could have this, every other problem would take care of itself, and I'd just be in a permanent state of happiness. Like, I would not feel pain. Taking ecstasy would be like drinking room-temperature tap water. 24-7 nirvana, if I could just get a job telling true, reasonably amusing stories. My life had a focus.

Perhaps too much focus. Because on the flip side, I was also convinced that if this didn't happen, no matter what else worked out, I would be miserable. There's a word for this toxic condition, this poisonous, all-or-nothing kind of thinking. It's called ambition. You get a glimpse of a life you want. You fix on it.

Perhaps too much focus. Because on the flip side, I was also convinced that if this didn't happen, no matter what else worked out, I would be miserable. There's a word for this toxic condition, this poisonous, all-or-nothing kind of thinking. It's called ambition. You get a glimpse of a life you want. You fix on it.

Perhaps too much focus. Because on the flip side, I was also convinced that if this didn't happen, no matter what else worked out, I would be miserable. There's a word for this toxic condition, this poisonous, all-or-nothing kind of thinking. It's called ambition. You get a glimpse of a life you want. You fix on it.

And from that moment on, you feel intense, all-over pain every moment you're not there. I now know that despair is not a rare feature of anyone's 20s. Even very fortunate people often spend that decade stuck in a life they don't want, without a clear path to the one they'd prefer. But that despair felt, like most things about life then, completely unique to me.

And from that moment on, you feel intense, all-over pain every moment you're not there. I now know that despair is not a rare feature of anyone's 20s. Even very fortunate people often spend that decade stuck in a life they don't want, without a clear path to the one they'd prefer. But that despair felt, like most things about life then, completely unique to me.

And from that moment on, you feel intense, all-over pain every moment you're not there. I now know that despair is not a rare feature of anyone's 20s. Even very fortunate people often spend that decade stuck in a life they don't want, without a clear path to the one they'd prefer. But that despair felt, like most things about life then, completely unique to me.

I couldn't find a container that could hold it. My boss at the time had this sign above their desk that said, The sun shone, having no alternative, on the nothing new.

I couldn't find a container that could hold it. My boss at the time had this sign above their desk that said, The sun shone, having no alternative, on the nothing new.

I couldn't find a container that could hold it. My boss at the time had this sign above their desk that said, The sun shone, having no alternative, on the nothing new.

I became convinced that everyone in a job was miserable, that the entire world was filled with people who spent Friday dreading Monday, that anyone who claimed to like their job was just lying to me personally, for what reason, I'm not sure. But then I heard about this band. They were called The Hold Steady. Indie rock music, the kind of band that seems to have zero casual fans.

I became convinced that everyone in a job was miserable, that the entire world was filled with people who spent Friday dreading Monday, that anyone who claimed to like their job was just lying to me personally, for what reason, I'm not sure. But then I heard about this band. They were called The Hold Steady. Indie rock music, the kind of band that seems to have zero casual fans.

I became convinced that everyone in a job was miserable, that the entire world was filled with people who spent Friday dreading Monday, that anyone who claimed to like their job was just lying to me personally, for what reason, I'm not sure. But then I heard about this band. They were called The Hold Steady. Indie rock music, the kind of band that seems to have zero casual fans.

Either you've seen them a hundred times or you don't really get it. I got it. The songs, I thought, were perfect. Stories about down-and-out partiers in America. People with fucked-up lives who'd slid far off the path of their own dreams, but still had a sense of humor about it. Constitutionally unable to enjoy something without becoming obsessed with it, I got very obsessed with the band.

Either you've seen them a hundred times or you don't really get it. I got it. The songs, I thought, were perfect. Stories about down-and-out partiers in America. People with fucked-up lives who'd slid far off the path of their own dreams, but still had a sense of humor about it. Constitutionally unable to enjoy something without becoming obsessed with it, I got very obsessed with the band.

Either you've seen them a hundred times or you don't really get it. I got it. The songs, I thought, were perfect. Stories about down-and-out partiers in America. People with fucked-up lives who'd slid far off the path of their own dreams, but still had a sense of humor about it. Constitutionally unable to enjoy something without becoming obsessed with it, I got very obsessed with the band.

And in particular, with this one small part of their mythology. I'd heard about how the singer, Craig Finn, had supposedly had a very strange path into his music career. And the story of that path gave me a kind of hope. What I had heard on the internet was that before The Hold Steady, Craig Finn had languished in a drab office job. In one version of the story, he was an IT guy at Goldman Sachs.

And in particular, with this one small part of their mythology. I'd heard about how the singer, Craig Finn, had supposedly had a very strange path into his music career. And the story of that path gave me a kind of hope. What I had heard on the internet was that before The Hold Steady, Craig Finn had languished in a drab office job. In one version of the story, he was an IT guy at Goldman Sachs.