Portia

Hi, Dad, it's Portia. I hate to bother you so much. I just haven't been able to talk to you, so things are piling up.

Next message. Hey, this is Portia. I'm starting to get a complex here because you guys have never not picked up your phone.

Thank you so much. It's true. I am the eldest of nine, and we were abandoned by our mother, so I have filled in that role as mother to my siblings. My grandmother raised us, but she worked the entire time, so... The relationship I have with my siblings is more of one of a mother-child. And now that I have my own child, I find myself feeling obligated.

It's just what I'm trying to avoid is I always feel obligated to assist them in a lot of their issues that they're dealing with. And recently, I wasn't able to show up for one of my closest siblings, my little sister, who she's like my daughter, and I just wasn't able to show up for her. And the treatment that I got from her kind of just left me shocked and kind of heartbroken.

We're saying little sister, how old? I'm 41. She's 35.

Very important.

Yeah, we're not talking about little. We're talking about grown women with their own children.

She's a grown woman, and I had a role. You know, all my mother's children have lived with me, and it's like, but now it's like everybody's already had their chances. Everybody's got to stand up. So I told her no, and she just kind of stopped talking to me, and it just devastated me and made me angry, and I'm never angry with them.

So I know I need to check myself and however I'm showing up for them because there's some kind of – the balance is not right. So my question for Dr. Tama is how do I –

balance my relationship with my siblings where I show up as a sibling and not as like a savior or I feel obligated to my family so often and I don't want to feel that way because it makes me retreat sometimes and become resentful yes and angry and I don't want to have that because I've done so much but I also need to because it's showing up in my intimate relationships as well so my question is I need some balance and I need to stop feeling obligated I don't know why I feel that way

Yeah, I do. And the obligation feeling is because I know that I'm blessed to be a blessing.

I understand.

And I have taken myself into another area and I have a home where I also provide 24 hour care for young girls who grew up like myself. And that's where my energy is now, because those are people who do not have families and things of that nature. But it's the sense of obligation that I really want to work on.

Because if I show up in my family and something's not there, I just feel like I need to fix it.

It's an alignment where my heart's been, so I'm really grateful. I feel blessed. Beautiful.

I know it. Yes, I know. I've been taking the little steps and hearing it from, of course, Oprah, my favorite godmother. Of course, it just makes me emotional.

I appreciate you all.

And Portia's like, I don't want him to film anything that's going to compromise the growth that we have had.

What's all this?

I can't believe it.

So Portia's like, no, no, I wasn't being mean. It was just a stress, you know, like she's like washed from the stress going through divorce. And I understand that because like I've been through divorce. So I understood.

She's like, I didn't. So I called, she didn't even say anything. Do not say a single thing to me about them working together.

She's like, look at my car, everybody.

She's like, Shamia, it's me, I'm here finally.

It's me, look at me. It's me reacting to Shamia getting a car.

She's like, yeah, you look gorgeous.

And then Portia's like, you know, she knows my intentions is always to be there for her. But, you know, when you have a party at that time, the traffic's insane.

And Kenya's like, oh my God, so why was Kelly upset?

And she's like, oh my God, a little thing can become a big thing. Okay, let's go do it.

And she goes, how did I greet you? Did I hug anybody though? Did I hug anybody?

And she's like, we're causing trouble. What am I mayhem? Get it?

And so Kelly is like, well, you know, we had dinner the other night, and like me, Shamia, and Britt, you know, and I was like, well, why did Portia take that man's husband?

He's like, okay, Kelly.

And Portia's like, oh my God, that's your opening line? Wow, what's your name again?

And Portia's like, um, I don't want to talk to you.

No, I don't even know you.

And I won't stand for it.

And she's like, yeah, he has more things to be concerned about than the peach.

I was like, that's her energy. Come on.

Like I'm on my B block too. I don't care.

Another night? Where's my jaw? My jaw's on the floor.

So she's like, what you're not going to do is let him take you because you're the only one who's been so vulnerable and open and let them spread out the issues. You got this.

Friends forever. Friends forever.

So Portia tells us, I mean, she's like, even right now, Drew's an influencer for my company, Go Naked Hair. But all this behind the scenes bullshit, sneaking around with my child's father, to me, that's just crossing the line.

And Portia's like, I can still go there. I'm Nigerian. I, I found out my 44%. So look, I've got one of my sisters right here doing my makeup. Where are you? What's your tribe?

And she goes, yeah, Yoruba, we're the same. I'm your sister. I used to be, I used to be her wife.

You're scaring my sister.

And Portia's like, yeah, there's a new girl named Kelly, and she apparently owns restaurants, stuff like that. And like, I don't know her. I don't know. I don't know. Whatever. She has waffles. Who cares?

P P P P P P

Yeah.

So.