Quinn Pastura
Appearances
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
That's way too tall for me. I know what a lot of you guys were thinking. You know, you heard a vowel at the end of my name. You're like, he's Italian, and you're right, unfortunately. I know a lot of people know stereotypes about Italians. What's Italian? Something like that. They always do something like that. And I was talking to a fellow the other day, and he started doing Italian stereotypes.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
He started telling me, I was like, oh, what else do you know about Italians? Teach me about Italians, you wise man. He goes, well, you know, the first thing I know about Italians... is they get really upset about things. And I started yelling at him. I got fucking pissed. I was like, hey, dude, you can't, we don't get upset about things. We get very passionate about things, okay?
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
So cool your jets, dude. What else do you know about Italians? What the fuck else do you know about Italians? And he goes, oh, the only thing I know about Italians is that they're all really good cooks. And I felt like a jackass for inviting this guy to my dinner party. I swear to God. I was cooking for a racist. This is terrible. And this is the real kicker.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
He had to bend over about a foot, because I'm only five foot six. And he goes, the other thing I know about you little Italian bastards is you're all criminals. And I swear to God, I would have cooked this guy's ass if I wasn't a felon.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
And what do you do for work? I work at a bar over on East 6th. Okay. What do you do at the bar? I am a lowly doorman. A doorman. I check IDs.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
I mean, I'm German too, so that kind of fits. I guess my German side was coming out. Okay, all right.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
It is hard to believe. We always have to be the center of attention. That's our problem.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
Try not to get too niche. I've been doing Slaughterhouse-Five jokes for the last week, but those haven't been hitting.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
It's a book that most of us read in junior year of high school, but That's why I kind of had to stop doing it, because a lot of people, I figured out, didn't do it. I didn't do it either. I just read it last week. What's the plot of The Slaughterhouse? Uh, so it's a crazy... Yeah, I was just joking.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
Um, I mean, just like every other nerd, I like history. I'm very big into it. I was one of the first guys at my university to major in cannabis history. Surprise, surprise, he's a pothead. It's pretty sick. I did my whole research project on the Emerald Triangle and, like, the boom and bust cycle in it. I got to do some really cool interviews and explore up there.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
And then there's some, like, wacko, tacko, bullshit that... Like, you guys know about, like, the Carthaginians and stuff? The what? The Carthaginians. Oh, this is like a deep dive. We could do a deep dive. You guys want to hear some shit? No, we're all right.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
Oh, yeah. There's one show around here. It's called... Can I tag another show? Am I allowed to do that? Well, I don't know. Come on.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
No, I was just saying, I got too high there all the time because you make it too high. And every time I do it, just like now, I'm like, should I move to Austin? Am I freaking out? That's my favorite thing about pot. I could smoke it. You know, I used to smoke it all the time. I could tell myself, I'm not an addict. I was an addict. It was unfortunate.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
That actually... No, that... That checks out. They did travel the world. They did do trade. They came to North America. I think so.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
The trashiest thing I've ever seen in all my years in Kentucky.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
I don't know. There's a lot. I live next to a Greyhound station, so there's like a constant amount of cars going down and out of there. That was pretty tough. I saw my dad's car go in there once. You saw your dad's car go into where? The Greyhound station. Were those buses or dogs? Dogs.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
No one did? This was your own idea? Oh, no, people did tell me I was funny, but, again, it's Kentucky, and we don't have good education there. Right. Right.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
My dad, he does accounting for a pressure washing firm, so that actually is pretty trashy. Yeah, pretty trashy.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
And then my mom, oh, God. She does IT for a waste management company.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
Did you enjoy going there, though? You were there like two weeks ago. Oh, you got a stalker, Tony. You got a stalker.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
No, no, no, no. I wasn't there. I wasn't there. I don't, I have no, well, what? I don't know. Maybe you remembered spots that you go. I don't.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
No, no, I was doing sound and doing a show over at Narbar, but... This is like a weird Christmas misconnection.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
Yeah, it was you and Ari, they said. They literally named you. They're like, hey, they were here last night. Ari Shafir. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
What kind of bar is the Liberty? It's like a little dive bar. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's pretty sick. All right. It's a good time.
KILL TONY
#705 - JIM NORTON + TONY CARUSO
You have to go across the river to Cincinnati for there to be something, and there's hardly anything there. There you go. Here's a little joke book. Are you going to catch it?