Quinn Pastura

That's way too tall for me. I know what a lot of you guys were thinking. You know, you heard a vowel at the end of my name. You're like, he's Italian, and you're right, unfortunately. I know a lot of people know stereotypes about Italians. What's Italian? Something like that. They always do something like that. And I was talking to a fellow the other day, and he started doing Italian stereotypes.

He started telling me, I was like, oh, what else do you know about Italians? Teach me about Italians, you wise man. He goes, well, you know, the first thing I know about Italians... is they get really upset about things. And I started yelling at him. I got fucking pissed. I was like, hey, dude, you can't, we don't get upset about things. We get very passionate about things, okay?

So cool your jets, dude. What else do you know about Italians? What the fuck else do you know about Italians? And he goes, oh, the only thing I know about Italians is that they're all really good cooks. And I felt like a jackass for inviting this guy to my dinner party. I swear to God. I was cooking for a racist. This is terrible. And this is the real kicker.

He had to bend over about a foot, because I'm only five foot six. And he goes, the other thing I know about you little Italian bastards is you're all criminals. And I swear to God, I would have cooked this guy's ass if I wasn't a felon.

I live here. Okay. I've been here for six months.

And what do you do for work? I work at a bar over on East 6th. Okay. What do you do at the bar? I am a lowly doorman. A doorman. I check IDs.

About a year and a half.

I mean, I'm German too, so that kind of fits. I guess my German side was coming out. Okay, all right.

It is hard to believe. We always have to be the center of attention. That's our problem.

Try not to get too niche. I've been doing Slaughterhouse-Five jokes for the last week, but those haven't been hitting.

It's a book that most of us read in junior year of high school, but That's why I kind of had to stop doing it, because a lot of people, I figured out, didn't do it. I didn't do it either. I just read it last week. What's the plot of The Slaughterhouse? Uh, so it's a crazy... Yeah, I was just joking.

Um, I mean, just like every other nerd, I like history. I'm very big into it. I was one of the first guys at my university to major in cannabis history. Surprise, surprise, he's a pothead. It's pretty sick. I did my whole research project on the Emerald Triangle and, like, the boom and bust cycle in it. I got to do some really cool interviews and explore up there.

And then there's some, like, wacko, tacko, bullshit that... Like, you guys know about, like, the Carthaginians and stuff? The what? The Carthaginians. Oh, this is like a deep dive. We could do a deep dive. You guys want to hear some shit? No, we're all right.

Yeah, typically.

Oh, yeah. There's one show around here. It's called... Can I tag another show? Am I allowed to do that? Well, I don't know. Come on.

Jesus Christ.

No, I was just saying, I got too high there all the time because you make it too high. And every time I do it, just like now, I'm like, should I move to Austin? Am I freaking out? That's my favorite thing about pot. I could smoke it. You know, I used to smoke it all the time. I could tell myself, I'm not an addict. I was an addict. It was unfortunate.

That actually... No, that... That checks out. They did travel the world. They did do trade. They came to North America. I think so.

The trashiest thing I've ever seen in all my years in Kentucky.

What was it?

I don't know. There's a lot. I live next to a Greyhound station, so there's like a constant amount of cars going down and out of there. That was pretty tough. I saw my dad's car go in there once. You saw your dad's car go into where? The Greyhound station. Were those buses or dogs? Dogs.

Yes?

No one did? This was your own idea? Oh, no, people did tell me I was funny, but, again, it's Kentucky, and we don't have good education there. Right. Right.

My dad, he does accounting for a pressure washing firm, so that actually is pretty trashy. Yeah, pretty trashy.

And then my mom, oh, God. She does IT for a waste management company.

Did you enjoy going there, though? You were there like two weeks ago. Oh, you got a stalker, Tony. You got a stalker.

No, no, no, no. I wasn't there. I wasn't there. I don't, I have no, well, what? I don't know. Maybe you remembered spots that you go. I don't.

I don't know.

No, no, I was doing sound and doing a show over at Narbar, but... This is like a weird Christmas misconnection.

Yeah, it was you and Ari, they said. They literally named you. They're like, hey, they were here last night. Ari Shafir. Yeah.

We got it in? I mean, I didn't see you.

What kind of bar is the Liberty? It's like a little dive bar. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's pretty sick. All right. It's a good time.

There's nothing.

You have to go across the river to Cincinnati for there to be something, and there's hardly anything there. There you go. Here's a little joke book. Are you going to catch it?