Rachel Forde

You know, I'm getting really defensive, really aggressive.

Then I remember I went up to a bedroom in her house to go to sleep.

And Brenda, I could hear the rats there as well.

And that's impossible.

That is impossible, you know.

I thought there was people talking to me through the smoke alarms in my house.

So I took every single smoke alarm off my house.

At one point, I thought there was people trying to come up through the tiles in my kitchen.

I have a crack in my tile in my kitchen because I was fully convinced that they, I don't know, I still don't know who they were, but they were coming to get me.

Psychosis is probably...

the worst thing I have experienced in addiction.

I'd be convinced people were tapped into my phone.

Nothing interesting to find in my phone.

But, you know, these thoughts were, they were all-consuming.

so scary unbelievably scary frightening and anybody who tried to tell me any different and it was a very very select amount of people that I told it was going on because once I sobered up a little bit I kind of realized how insane I sounded but it's still in the back of my head there'd still be this little but you're you're not making it up it did happen

Because I was never fully sober.

I was never fully, fully sober.

And I felt embarrassed that it was going on.

And I suffered for a long time with sleep paralysis as well, which I also linked to this depression that I had, which I didn't have.

And I remember I used to bring my oldest son into the bed with me, thinking that if he slept with me,