Rachelle Hampton

Would you be okay babysitting your housemate, Stu?

What is happening?

What is happening?

Yep. Gemma's in her room one night when she hears a scream. Oh no. Gemma runs down the stairs and finds Ruth, her witchy high school classmate, standing in the kitchen. Gemma's like, dude, what the fuck? I thought you were getting murdered. Oh, so it was like a blood-curdling scream. Like, someone got stabbed. I'm locked in.

Yep. Gemma's in her room one night when she hears a scream. Oh no. Gemma runs down the stairs and finds Ruth, her witchy high school classmate, standing in the kitchen. Gemma's like, dude, what the fuck? I thought you were getting murdered. Oh, so it was like a blood-curdling scream. Like, someone got stabbed. I'm locked in.

And Ruth sort of shudders and then points to the corner of the kitchen where Gemma sees... A dozen little shiny bodies scattering across the floor.

And Ruth sort of shudders and then points to the corner of the kitchen where Gemma sees... A dozen little shiny bodies scattering across the floor.

Ruth's like, I know it's so gross. The two go on a roach-killing spree before wiping everything in the kitchen down. They store the bunches of unused herbs on the cutting board in plastic bags. This was not being done before? Okay. And then they see it. See what? A roach swimming in the perpetual stew. This stew is your roommate's child.

Ruth's like, I know it's so gross. The two go on a roach-killing spree before wiping everything in the kitchen down. They store the bunches of unused herbs on the cutting board in plastic bags. This was not being done before? Okay. And then they see it. See what? A roach swimming in the perpetual stew. This stew is your roommate's child.

This is Stewie, their baby, and it is also currently providing a Viking funeral for a roach. What do you do? A Viking funeral is diabolical.

This is Stewie, their baby, and it is also currently providing a Viking funeral for a roach. What do you do? A Viking funeral is diabolical.

That's really smart. Gemma and Ruth are like, fuck it. I'm done. And they toss Stewie away. I guess that's fair. Is the assumption that the roaches came because of the perpetual stew? The perpetual stew, the stuff on the counter that goes into the perpetual stew.

That's really smart. Gemma and Ruth are like, fuck it. I'm done. And they toss Stewie away. I guess that's fair. Is the assumption that the roaches came because of the perpetual stew? The perpetual stew, the stuff on the counter that goes into the perpetual stew.

And it's gone.

And it's gone.

Yeah. So they gone with the wind. The stew. It goes with the wind. And Ruth sages the kitchen just to be extra safe.

Yeah. So they gone with the wind. The stew. It goes with the wind. And Ruth sages the kitchen just to be extra safe.

What are you saying in the roommate group chat after this?

What are you saying in the roommate group chat after this?

Gemma and Ruth, they craft a statement together that Gemma said. Okay, that's smart. So first Gemma texts a photo of the cockroach carcasses to the chat just to be like, we're not making anything up. Here's the evidence. Yeah, absolutely. And then she's like, hey guys, we seem to have a pest problem. Ruth and I killed as many as possible, but I think we should all be on high alert going forward.