Raina Cohen

And each of those ongoing, each of those new conversations can itself be a reminder of the gap between where you were and where you are now.

And that can create change.

more pain but ultimately be worth it because you still want to be in each other's lives just in a different way and i just think that there's much more kind of improvisation that that has to happen and really open communication when you're not just kind of slamming a door or have a kind of black and white on off switch to the friendship we're going to take a quick break but we will be right back after this

I have struggled with this, I think, partly because I really like my friends to be friends with one another.

And one of the ways that kind of political differences can play in can be like,

If people have views that feel like they would be really in conflict even in everyday life, if you're spending time in smaller groups or one-on-one doing activities together or spending time doing kind of making memories in a way that don't poke at the things that are different, it's like a gift to be close to people who are different from you.

You know, I lived for three years with friends who are very religious.

I learned a ton from them and love having a different perspective.

I don't know that there was sort of like conflict over that per se, but I think to the extent possible, viewing the differences as something that isn't a liability, but a way that you can help sharpen each other's

thinking and open your minds and to just approach the relationship with as much curiosity as possible, especially in a time where people really kind of operate in their silos.

And it just feels like actually something to cherish and nurture if you do have relationships with people who are pretty different from you.

One is make a routine.

Like if you have a friend that you want to see more, don't make it so that you have to plan every single activity.

So I have a friend where Thursday mornings we go on a run together and we joke that it's our free therapy session.

And sometimes we have to reschedule it.

But the kind of standing event really makes a difference.

The second is to rethink the idea that friendship is something that you kind of stuff into the rest of your life.

Like the image that comes to mind for me is like when I'm packing a suitcase and I put the shoes in first.

And that that's, you know, that's the romantic relationship or your work or your marriage.

And then the friends are like the extra pairs of socks that you fit in wherever you can.