Raina Cohen

That I think especially if there's something that's kind of more difficult going on that you pick up on, as well as just getting to know people better.

You know, like I think of a friend of mine who will just like, she can get jittery and like shake her leg a lot.

And that is a signal to me that she's feeling particularly anxious.

And by observing that helped me understand other things about her.

So while I do think it's really great to be able to connect with people all around the world through different kinds of online platforms and text and voice chat, I don't think that they are

a total replacement for the things that you learn about people and the ways you're able to care for them, like giving a hug or being really what it means to be physically present.

You need at least some in-person interaction, I think, at some point to get really close.

I think one thing is to come in from a place of curiosity rather than judgment.

One thing that I saw people who had platonic partnerships really struggle with was the constant misunderstanding that they were up against, and often not just sort of benign misunderstanding, but people who

kind of stigma, like treated their friendship in a way that was stigmatized.

And that could include gossiping or, you know, I write about a mother who was just like, I don't understand how you can be so close to somebody who you're not romantically involved in and was convinced that the friendship between her son and her son's best friend was a romantic relationship.

I mean, that's pretty common.

So I think coming in from not a place of like, here's how I expect you to live your life.

Why aren't you living your life that way?

The only way I can understand this friendship is if it is romantic or telling them like your priorities are messed up, which is also something I've heard.

yeah, those are not very helpful.

And instead being like, who matters to you?

Why does this person matter to you?

Like coming from a place of these open-ended questions and trying to get to know the person, treating them as you would treat someone's new romantic partner or somebody that they, or maybe a relative that,

It's somebody who really matters to a person you care about and therefore, by extension, you want to care about them too.