Richard Feidler

and I haven't picked up a drink or a drug all that time.

Many, many things have happened in that time, some awful, but I've come to believe, for me, that picking up anything, that means I've got the problem back again, worse probably.

So it was all about learning to deal with life on life's terms without any substances.

In my first year of not having any drugs and alcohol, the first thing that came into me that I thought, oh, my God, I'm a lesbian.

how crap is that?

Like, just another reason to beat myself.

Oh my God, I'm a lesbian.

I'm one of those.

Oh, I hate myself.

Everybody else hates gay people.

And I just couldn't accept it.

I just wouldn't accept that that's what I was.

Despite the fact that I started mixing with other lesbians, especially in the feminist women's liberation, then I started getting involved in politics and all of that and sleeping with lots of other women.

And

realizing yes this is me but the other side of me still hated myself because society said you're shit you're not you're not straight so you're not you're not normal that's the word you're not normal we're talking about like the late 70s late 70s 77 78 how different were things in that i mean for people who don't remember you know well very different because i had actually by this time i had a job at the maritime services board which is now the museum of contemporary art had the best view ever i was just a shit kicker there

But back then the whole culture was the gay male culture, which is still something else.

But within the lesbian community, it was these, you were either a dyke, butch dyke, or you were a femme.

Like there's nothing in between.

And I've always and still really identify as being quite androgynous, not just in dress.

I'm just, I don't identify, I'm just me.