Richard Fidler

Was that unusual at the time to have a woman coach for a bunch of big, strong rugby league players, playing boys?

And there came the day when you were a teenager and the word came in that your grandfather in Tonga had died.

Yeah.

How were you told?

And so... Didn't you think it would come one day and...

I mean, it's the way of the world.

It's the way of things.

You just weren't ready for it, though.

You hadn't given it much thought.

I suppose it was a bit like losing a parent rather than a grandparent too, wasn't it?

Yeah, it was.

That's harder.

I think it's one thing to lose a grandparent when you're a teenager but to lose a parent.

20 years of conversations on abc radio today you're hearing the story of youth worker and man who cuts hair charles loma you were saying before after your grandfather died

your dad didn't want you to go to Tonga to go to his funeral because you were up for some rugby league trials.

What did that do to your feelings about rugby league?

It was poisoned then.

How self-destructive did you get at this time, Charles?

Oh, was that hurtful?

That must have been so hurtful.