Rick Ross

And I've spoken to many of them, including Eddie Weissman's son, who fled the group. and for years felt shame and sadness because they felt well they were told by the group you're turning your back on god you're you're a sinner you're evil and and the kids that i deprogrammed would would contact me at one point and say you know our dad is still in the group and and we want to spend time with him.

But the only way that he will agree to spend time with us is if we come to group activities. And whenever we do that, they're just bombarding us with, you know, manipulative talk about how we need to rejoin the group and be in the group. And that's not what we want. And so I told the kids, I said, look, you know, you can tell your dad, you know, dad, we love you. We love you.

We want a relationship with you. But we do not love 12 tribes. And we do not want 12 tribes. But we want you. And we are willing to meet with you and spend time with you. But we don't want to deal with the group. And we don't want to hear about the group. And in fairness, we're not going to criticize the group. We just want to spend quality time with you, Dad.

And as far as I know, he would never agree to that. And his relationship with the children ended. And so there are children that leave groups like this, and it's very, very hard on them because their family shuns them. They don't know people outside of the group. They may not have an education because the group didn't want them to.

And so they're not prepared to work in the outside world and to adapt. Many of them, though, have construction skills and certain things that they can get a job. Wow. That sounds very similar to...

Yeah. But here's the interesting thing, is that so many people that leave these high control groups blame themselves. They say, you know, I failed. It's a shame on me. And they haven't sorted it out. They haven't unpacked it. And so what I would urge any of them to do is I'll plug my book, read my book, Cults Inside Out, and understand that you are not alone.

that there are many, many other people that have gone through this experience and that they've survived and that you need to unpack it. You need to know that your group was very much like these other groups. And if these other groups are called cults, what does that mean about your group? And is it really your fault that you left?

Or is it the group's fault that they had unreasonable expectations and demands that they made and that they were too controlling and that they were suffocating you? And so you had to leave. Much like a woman who's leaving an abusive, controlling relationship will feel like, well, I can't leave

my husband because he loves me and I have to be loyal to him and it's my fault, I'm not being a good enough wife, I'm not doing enough, it's on me. And of course the abusive controlling partner is saying, you're right, it's your fault, it's not about me, it's you, you aren't measuring up. And very much like a cult, that abusive controlling husband will isolate the wife.

estranging her from old friends, moving her maybe to a new area where she's separated from family, and kind of cocooning her and controlling her interactions, her social life. If you're in a situation like that, it's very hard to understand what to do. because you have this sense of loyalty to your spouse or to the group, and you feel like they are right.

And if you have been raised in a group and your parents belong to the group, even more so, you feel like, well, my parents, I love them, and they're in this organization. It must be good. It must be right. And so you feel like there is no legitimate reason to leave. And you have unreasonable fears about leaving. I mean, I'll have women talk to me about abusive controlling relationships and say,

what sounds like crazy. I mean, they'll say, no one will ever love me like he loves me. I'll never find love again in my life. I'm so fortunate that I found this person. I'll never, ever find anyone like that ever again. And I'll look at the woman and say, you're very young, you're highly accomplished, not to objectify you, but you're attractive. You can find someone else.

But because of your spouse and the way that you've been manipulated, you've been led to believe that you can't. And that's wrong. And the way that you've been treated is wrong. And frequently the women that I have worked with have been subjected to physical violence. They've been beat up. repeatedly, and people will blame them. People will say, oh, she went back to him.

She deserves what she gets. But very few people unwind what has happened to this woman and understand it in the terms of how the abusive controlling partner has manipulated her. And I devoted a whole chapter in my book to abusive controlling relationships and describe how I did an intervention with a young woman to get her out of such a situation.

So there is a correlation between abusive controlling relationships and cults. And I think it's important to know that and to have understanding and really sympathy for the people that have been victimized.

Well, now, the doctors, in fairness, the doctors that I work with were in different groups, not in the yellow deli. Okay. But I will tell you this. I was lecturing at a university, and it was in upstate New York, and a young woman came up to me at the end of my lecture and said, my mother is in the 12 tribes. And she gave every penny, and this is standard practice in the 12 tribes.

You join, you give them everything you have. Your bank account, your house, your car, everything. And that greatly increased, you know, the net value of 12 tribes and the money that they control, which I'm sure is in the millions of dollars, though no one knows exactly. And this girl's...

is talking to me, this young woman, and she has tears in her eyes and she says, you know, my grandmother left an inheritance for my mother with the explicit understanding that my mother would pay for my college education with some of the money, but she's given it all to the 12 tribes. And I came to her and I said, mom, you're brainwashed and you're in a cult. And she of course rejected that.

And I said, what would you have me do? You have given away all of our family's money, all of grandma's money, and I have nothing to go to college. And the mother said, well, join the 12 tribes and you can be with me and everything will be fine. So why did the mother do it? She did it because the 12 tribes convinced her that they were the only place where God was.

the only place where God was able to be a part of your life in a true and meaningful way, and that this would lead to salvation, this would lead to a fruitful spiritual life, and this is what separates the 12 tribes as a cult from mainstream Christianity, and it's the only place. No other Christians are right. No other church is right.