Robin Fivush

And that kind of shared emotional resonance really helps us deal with grief and mourning and difficult experiences.

So rather than asking open-ended questions, you ask close-ended questions.

Did you have fun?

Rather than how did you feel?

And that there's no opportunity for the child to do more than say yes or no.

Or even saying something like, you remember your grandmother's cookies, don't you?

Maybe that's not always important to the child.

Maybe she wants to talk about the ornaments that were on the Christmas tree.

So it's not really giving the child an opportunity to recall their perspective on the event or what they remember.

And when the child doesn't remember, the parent will simply repeat the question.

Who drove down to Florida with us?

Who was in the front seat?

Don't you remember?

Who was in the front seat with us?

And the child just doesn't remember.

So it's almost as if the elaborative collaborative style is their goals are different.

Their goals are to create a shared story in the moment that creates a resonance and a shared history and helps us to bond and understand each other.

The more non-elaborative or repetitive parents, it's about getting the facts right.

I remember there was a mother with her four-year-old son who was a dinosaur fanatic.

And they were talking about going to a natural history museum.