Robin Fivush

The key here is storytelling, not just stories.

So, yes, it's important that we know the stories, but the process of learning those stories, hearing those stories, sharing those stories, constructing those stories together is what really is important in terms of this positive youth outcome.

I think both when we're constructing stories, helping children understand their own experiences, or when we're talking with children about our experiences, the way that we talk about our emotions and how we reacted in the moment and how we dealt with that emotional reaction helps children understand appropriate emotional regulation.

That's a very abstract sentence.

Let me give you a sense of what I mean by that.

One of the really important things about reminiscing about the child's own emotional experiences is the child throws a tantrum in the supermarket, and that's the worst time to try and sit down and have a calm conversation with them.

You just want to get out of the situation.

But then later, when the child calms down, it's important to sit down and say, let's talk about what happened.

You know, why were you so upset?

And not to say, that was bad, you were wrong, but what happened?

You know, why were you upset?

Okay, I understand why that upset you, but maybe being that upset was not the best way to get what they wanted.

And to help them figure out how to recognize their emotions and resolve them and regulate them.

I could not have said that better.

When parents tell stories about their own childhood, they're, of course, not talking about their child's emotional reaction.

But often those stories are told in moments where the kids are struggling with something.

So the parent's story becomes, well, okay, let me tell you how I dealt with something like that in my life and the lesson I took from it.

Maybe that will help you think about your life.

They're worldviews.

Stories are little models of the world.