Roxane Gay

Well, there are unfortunately multiple definitions for civility, but when it's used in sociopolitical discourse, most often it means don't get too excited.

Don't get too angry.

Don't be too hurt.

This is all an intellectual exercise.

Don't step out of line.

Don't do what they say.

you know, what your opposition perceives as harm.

And that harm really is oftentimes about their egos.

And, you know, don't make me feel complicit in whatever is happening in our world.

Don't make me feel

like, I've done something wrong, don't make me feel ashamed, as if we have any control over that, which we don't.

And it's really unfortunate because it compromises honest and productive conversations, and it's always used as a weapon.

Look at this lack of civility.

And when you look at the current state of the world, which is such an inadequate phrase,

You can see that what is uncivil is ICE terrorizing an apartment building in Chicago in the middle of the night and taking people from their beds.

Like, that's uncivil.

And so talking about it is not uncivil.

And I think it's really important for any of us with sanity left to be very clear about that distinction.

For the most part, yes, because most of the people who call for civility happen to be, I don't know if it's coincidence or not, heterosexual, middle or upper middle class, well-educated white men.

And they oftentimes have some kind of power, whether it's platform or political power, elected office, etc.