Roy Blount Jr.
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
Adventure catting, it's called, and it's a full-blown trend, complete with special cat harnesses and social media feeds. People are taking their cats hiking, paddle boarding, and mountain climbing as if they were dogs or people, anything but cats. One adventure catter told NPR, quote, taking them on adventures is such a good bonding activity. I wouldn't want to leave them at home.
Adventure catting, it's called, and it's a full-blown trend, complete with special cat harnesses and social media feeds. People are taking their cats hiking, paddle boarding, and mountain climbing as if they were dogs or people, anything but cats. One adventure catter told NPR, quote, taking them on adventures is such a good bonding activity. I wouldn't want to leave them at home.
The cat had no comment. It breaks the stereotype of cats, we are told. Well, I guess it does. Our cat, Jimmy, is adventurous, all right, when it comes to climbing way up behind a motel room sink or yowling with wildlife at 2 a.m. But can I see him swinging along a Sylvan hiking trail with us?
The cat had no comment. It breaks the stereotype of cats, we are told. Well, I guess it does. Our cat, Jimmy, is adventurous, all right, when it comes to climbing way up behind a motel room sink or yowling with wildlife at 2 a.m. But can I see him swinging along a Sylvan hiking trail with us?
Much less paddle boarding and all the other distinctly non-feline sports that adventure cats, we are told, get up to. What I can see is Jimmy taking one look at the little Nike snowshoes somebody got him and laughing his little ass off.
Much less paddle boarding and all the other distinctly non-feline sports that adventure cats, we are told, get up to. What I can see is Jimmy taking one look at the little Nike snowshoes somebody got him and laughing his little ass off.
It was very small triplets.
It was very small triplets.
It's a food thing, right?
It's a food thing, right?
Christmas tree.
Christmas tree.
I believe that there is a tour that you can take to all the houses and sites of the Sopranos. Yes, you can. There is that. If I were an alien being, I would want to check that out first. Yeah.
I believe that there is a tour that you can take to all the houses and sites of the Sopranos. Yes, you can. There is that. If I were an alien being, I would want to check that out first. Yeah.
Yeah. Well... Oysters are worth it. Are they?
Yeah. Well... Oysters are worth it. Are they?
The bandit hornet, the outlaw hornet, the illegal hornet, the... You're so close.
The bandit hornet, the outlaw hornet, the illegal hornet, the... You're so close.
Get through a miserable round of questioning. Whoa.
Get through a miserable round of questioning. Whoa.
Roy Blunt Jr. Jimmy Carter will get heaven with a high five from Abe Lincoln. And Dulce Sloan.
Roy Blunt Jr. Jimmy Carter will get heaven with a high five from Abe Lincoln. And Dulce Sloan.
Well, I flew here on one, but maybe that was just a plane.
Well, I flew here on one, but maybe that was just a plane.
Apparently.
Apparently.
That's true. Is the Pope Catholic?
That's true. Is the Pope Catholic?
's car than had been missing. The original dancing mice, apparently, had reproduced and taught the next generation to dance. as a survival tactic, which worked.
's car than had been missing. The original dancing mice, apparently, had reproduced and taught the next generation to dance. as a survival tactic, which worked.
You said he only did it on occasion. Does that mean like his birthday or something?
You said he only did it on occasion. Does that mean like his birthday or something?
I don't want any cake. Just bring out the snake.
I don't want any cake. Just bring out the snake.
Oh, you didn't tell me it was where the Mount Lake Towers Pavilion is. Mount Lake Terrace? That's three different things.
Oh, you didn't tell me it was where the Mount Lake Towers Pavilion is. Mount Lake Terrace? That's three different things.
The Cubs won the World Series? Yeah.
The Cubs won the World Series? Yeah.
He went back? He went back to get his cell phone. He did exactly that, Roy! Oh! Yay! Yay!
He went back? He went back to get his cell phone. He did exactly that, Roy! Oh! Yay! Yay!
And Roy Blunt Jr. Hey, y'all, I'm an American. Call me Bob.
And Roy Blunt Jr. Hey, y'all, I'm an American. Call me Bob.
You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they're worth it. There you go. We worked that out backstage.
You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they're worth it. There you go. We worked that out backstage.
That's how you do butterfly kisses, right?
That's how you do butterfly kisses, right?
What's going to happen to the butterfly kiss industry?
What's going to happen to the butterfly kiss industry?
When Bobby Higgins Sr. of Mound, Alabama, saw that 2016 Honda Civic Type R in the lot, it spoke to him. He kicked the tires, he drove it around the block and bought it, cranked it up, turned some music on from the nostalgia station, and oozed on out of there. Suddenly, he was not alone. On the dashboard, a mouse, and then another mouse. Brendan, I mean, Bobby, I'm sorry, Bobby Sr.
When Bobby Higgins Sr. of Mound, Alabama, saw that 2016 Honda Civic Type R in the lot, it spoke to him. He kicked the tires, he drove it around the block and bought it, cranked it up, turned some music on from the nostalgia station, and oozed on out of there. Suddenly, he was not alone. On the dashboard, a mouse, and then another mouse. Brendan, I mean, Bobby, I'm sorry, Bobby Sr.
jammed on the brakes, and, well, now I've lost my breath. laughter I forgot to change Brendan to Monk.
jammed on the brakes, and, well, now I've lost my breath. laughter I forgot to change Brendan to Monk.
Bobby Sr. jammed on the brakes. Who wants a vermin-ridden car? Then the two little mice began to dance. They were doing the bossa nova. Several more mouse couples emerged and joined the show. And more and more. Well, long story short, a local showman had in fact been searching for missing dancing mice. But here's what interested scientists. There were more dancing mice in Bobby Sr.
Bobby Sr. jammed on the brakes. Who wants a vermin-ridden car? Then the two little mice began to dance. They were doing the bossa nova. Several more mouse couples emerged and joined the show. And more and more. Well, long story short, a local showman had in fact been searching for missing dancing mice. But here's what interested scientists. There were more dancing mice in Bobby Sr.
If you get there so close, you don't get to kick back and enjoy a little packet of $1,000 crackles. That's true.
If you get there so close, you don't get to kick back and enjoy a little packet of $1,000 crackles. That's true.
The bank, you know, like you swim to a bank, that kind of bank. No, no. Bank by the river. I'll give you a hand. Not firm bank.
The bank, you know, like you swim to a bank, that kind of bank. No, no. Bank by the river. I'll give you a hand. Not firm bank.
It was the only thing my children would eat for about six months. Well, not banana bread, but with bananas. And I mix it up with chocolate and milk and stuff. They love that.
It was the only thing my children would eat for about six months. Well, not banana bread, but with bananas. And I mix it up with chocolate and milk and stuff. They love that.
Yeah, I'm sort of saying this for effect. But they loved it. They loved that. And it was healthy for them. Yeah. All right. Here is your next limerick.
Yeah, I'm sort of saying this for effect. But they loved it. They loved that. And it was healthy for them. Yeah. All right. Here is your next limerick.
You just didn't think.
You just didn't think.
Arrest of someone in the toddler's family.
Arrest of someone in the toddler's family.
Dove dived into a fountain. Exactly right. Oh, I just made that up. Specifically...
Dove dived into a fountain. Exactly right. Oh, I just made that up. Specifically...
Roy Blunt Jr. They're going to eliminate italics. People, they did a study, they did a survey, and people just don't like them. People want to decide which words to emphasize on their own. And Faith, would you like to follow that?
Roy Blunt Jr. They're going to eliminate italics. People, they did a study, they did a survey, and people just don't like them. People want to decide which words to emphasize on their own. And Faith, would you like to follow that?
too i was hoping you'd say what it was because i couldn't yeah you can have hard hard book hard uh books though hard books hard books i don't like hard books i like the books they're rigid will work with me great But they look good on a shelf. I know, they're so beautiful.
too i was hoping you'd say what it was because i couldn't yeah you can have hard hard book hard uh books though hard books hard books i don't like hard books i like the books they're rigid will work with me great But they look good on a shelf. I know, they're so beautiful.
I can see that a couple of my books were way in advance of today because they didn't have a paperback. And they told me that it was because I had written the wrong book. All right.
I can see that a couple of my books were way in advance of today because they didn't have a paperback. And they told me that it was because I had written the wrong book. All right.
Wait, Peter, who's saying this?
Wait, Peter, who's saying this?
If you're a German soccer player, we learned this week, it's all very well to bring your little boy to one of your games as long as you tell him this up front. Don't bite the referee in the balls. A match between two lower-level teams was about to begin. Suddenly, it was called off because the only referee was in too much pain. Let the referee tell it.
If you're a German soccer player, we learned this week, it's all very well to bring your little boy to one of your games as long as you tell him this up front. Don't bite the referee in the balls. A match between two lower-level teams was about to begin. Suddenly, it was called off because the only referee was in too much pain. Let the referee tell it.
A small child was doing warm-up exercises alongside the players. He came closer and closer to me. Suddenly, to my complete surprise, he gave me a sharp bite in my left testicle. So give the kid a break. Maybe the thing was hanging loose. Anyway, as any parent knows, you can never think of everything you need to tell a child not to do.
A small child was doing warm-up exercises alongside the players. He came closer and closer to me. Suddenly, to my complete surprise, he gave me a sharp bite in my left testicle. So give the kid a break. Maybe the thing was hanging loose. Anyway, as any parent knows, you can never think of everything you need to tell a child not to do.
Hey. This is a nice concept.
Hey. This is a nice concept.
It's very hard. Yeah. This is very difficult. I don't have smooth Bill Curtis making everything feel better. Look at the smile on his face, Peter.
It's very hard. Yeah. This is very difficult. I don't have smooth Bill Curtis making everything feel better. Look at the smile on his face, Peter.
I have another show that I'm getting ready to host called Fortune of the Wheel. Yeah.
I have another show that I'm getting ready to host called Fortune of the Wheel. Yeah.
It didn't seem difficult. It was just like, you just drive and talk to strangers, and I get paid in Goldschlager and Rumpelmintz. This seems like an ideal career path. I was going to school for journalism, and I would get laughs. And so I was like, all right, well, this feels like comedy. I'm going to go do that.
It didn't seem difficult. It was just like, you just drive and talk to strangers, and I get paid in Goldschlager and Rumpelmintz. This seems like an ideal career path. I was going to school for journalism, and I would get laughs. And so I was like, all right, well, this feels like comedy. I'm going to go do that.
And I would just sleep in bus stations and do stand-up, get back to Tallahassee on Monday, and go to Golden Corral that night, work, and just go to class the next three days. That was my life.
And I would just sleep in bus stations and do stand-up, get back to Tallahassee on Monday, and go to Golden Corral that night, work, and just go to class the next three days. That was my life.
I think that every American... should either serve in the military a year or the food service industry for three years. Those two.
I think that every American... should either serve in the military a year or the food service industry for three years. Those two.
Because especially the restaurant industry, because when you work in a restaurant, especially a midsize like that with a staff of about 40 to 50 back in front of house, that job, your first job as a teenager, that's the first time you encounter adults who don't give a shit about you. Most adults... I'm serious. Most adults in your life up until that point have a vested interest in you being okay.
Because especially the restaurant industry, because when you work in a restaurant, especially a midsize like that with a staff of about 40 to 50 back in front of house, that job, your first job as a teenager, that's the first time you encounter adults who don't give a shit about you. Most adults... I'm serious. Most adults in your life up until that point have a vested interest in you being okay.
But I worked with a dude we literally called Cocaine Mike. This is a man who's 39 and doesn't care what 18-year-old Roy and he's going to talk to you about life. And... I feel like it also introduces you to every type of American. I worked in North Florida.
But I worked with a dude we literally called Cocaine Mike. This is a man who's 39 and doesn't care what 18-year-old Roy and he's going to talk to you about life. And... I feel like it also introduces you to every type of American. I worked in North Florida.
So everything from white supremacists to nuns, to pastors, to gangbangers, to you meet literally every type of person and you have to figure out a way to connect with them. It's incredible. Hands down, the best life school I ever got was 213 and Hour in Tallahassee, Florida. Wow.
So everything from white supremacists to nuns, to pastors, to gangbangers, to you meet literally every type of person and you have to figure out a way to connect with them. It's incredible. Hands down, the best life school I ever got was 213 and Hour in Tallahassee, Florida. Wow.
And those bastards have never reached out. You know how McDonald's reaches out to all of their, like, oh, this is Macy Gray. She, you, look at Macy Gray. Put on the apron. They never reach out. Really?
And those bastards have never reached out. You know how McDonald's reaches out to all of their, like, oh, this is Macy Gray. She, you, look at Macy Gray. Put on the apron. They never reach out. Really?
I don't know where Cocaine Mike is, but I sure hope that prison has NPR.
I don't know where Cocaine Mike is, but I sure hope that prison has NPR.
She had a student that was a baggage handler at the bus station. And he went to her class. She was a college professor. And he went to my mom's class the next day and said, Dr. Wood, I saw your son sleeping in the bus station. You ain't seen none of my damn sons sleeping in no bus station. My baby in Tallahassee. No, he's not, Joyce. He's downtown. He's sleeping at the bus station.
She had a student that was a baggage handler at the bus station. And he went to her class. She was a college professor. And he went to my mom's class the next day and said, Dr. Wood, I saw your son sleeping in the bus station. You ain't seen none of my damn sons sleeping in no bus station. My baby in Tallahassee. No, he's not, Joyce. He's downtown. He's sleeping at the bus station.
And so my mom never agreed or understood why comedy was what I wanted to do. But she was the one who put down for what ended up being my first road car because she didn't want me sleeping in bus stations. And it was essentially, I don't know why you do this. But you seem focused. Your grades have gotten better. Here's a car so you won't sleep in the bus stations." To which I said, thank you.
And so my mom never agreed or understood why comedy was what I wanted to do. But she was the one who put down for what ended up being my first road car because she didn't want me sleeping in bus stations. And it was essentially, I don't know why you do this. But you seem focused. Your grades have gotten better. Here's a car so you won't sleep in the bus stations." To which I said, thank you.
And that car extended my reach. It changed everything. And I think my mom's objective was to get me the car so that I could drive back to Tallahassee after the show. But instead, I would now just travel twice as far and sleep in the car in bus station parking lots.
And that car extended my reach. It changed everything. And I think my mom's objective was to get me the car so that I could drive back to Tallahassee after the show. But instead, I would now just travel twice as far and sleep in the car in bus station parking lots.
You do? Do you have any reason to believe in ghosts? Yeah, I was dating a widower, and we were trying to have sex, and I kept getting a Charlie horse, and I feel like it was a dead husband.
You do? Do you have any reason to believe in ghosts? Yeah, I was dating a widower, and we were trying to have sex, and I kept getting a Charlie horse, and I feel like it was a dead husband.
No, she doesn't know about this.
No, she doesn't know about this.
Ooh. That feels like a C. Give me C. Give me the Camel Cavalry.
Ooh. That feels like a C. Give me C. Give me the Camel Cavalry.
I don't... Japan has a lot of customs around food, so I don't think a ghost would be disrespectful on the food side of things. Not even a ghost. Yeah, I can see that. I can see that logic. Give me bad haircut. I've seen some bad haircuts in Asia. I've been over there a couple of times. Maybe it was a ghost that did it. So your choice is A, the haircut. Roy is right.
I don't... Japan has a lot of customs around food, so I don't think a ghost would be disrespectful on the food side of things. Not even a ghost. Yeah, I can see that. I can see that logic. Give me bad haircut. I've seen some bad haircuts in Asia. I've been over there a couple of times. Maybe it was a ghost that did it. So your choice is A, the haircut. Roy is right.
As much as I want to believe that New York has to declare ghosts, New York won't even declare bad pipes. moving to these places, and it's all types of stuff. Vermont seems like a nice, fun, happy-go-lucky type of place. Give me claiming a ghost on the taxes.
As much as I want to believe that New York has to declare ghosts, New York won't even declare bad pipes. moving to these places, and it's all types of stuff. Vermont seems like a nice, fun, happy-go-lucky type of place. Give me claiming a ghost on the taxes.
's car than had been missing. The original dancing mice, apparently, had reproduced and taught the next generation to dance. as a survival tactic, which worked.
You said he only did it on occasion. Does that mean like his birthday or something?
I don't want any cake. Just bring out the snake.
Oh, you didn't tell me it was where the Mount Lake Towers Pavilion is. Mount Lake Terrace? That's three different things.
The Cubs won the World Series? Yeah.
He went back? He went back to get his cell phone. He did exactly that, Roy! Oh! Yay! Yay!
And Roy Blunt Jr. Hey, y'all, I'm an American. Call me Bob.
You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they're worth it. There you go. We worked that out backstage.
That's how you do butterfly kisses, right?
What's going to happen to the butterfly kiss industry?
When Bobby Higgins Sr. of Mound, Alabama, saw that 2016 Honda Civic Type R in the lot, it spoke to him. He kicked the tires, he drove it around the block and bought it, cranked it up, turned some music on from the nostalgia station, and oozed on out of there. Suddenly, he was not alone. On the dashboard, a mouse, and then another mouse. Brendan, I mean, Bobby, I'm sorry, Bobby Sr.
jammed on the brakes, and, well, now I've lost my breath. laughter I forgot to change Brendan to Monk.
Bobby Sr. jammed on the brakes. Who wants a vermin-ridden car? Then the two little mice began to dance. They were doing the bossa nova. Several more mouse couples emerged and joined the show. And more and more. Well, long story short, a local showman had in fact been searching for missing dancing mice. But here's what interested scientists. There were more dancing mice in Bobby Sr.
If you get there so close, you don't get to kick back and enjoy a little packet of $1,000 crackles. That's true.
The bank, you know, like you swim to a bank, that kind of bank. No, no. Bank by the river. I'll give you a hand. Not firm bank.
It was the only thing my children would eat for about six months. Well, not banana bread, but with bananas. And I mix it up with chocolate and milk and stuff. They love that.
Yeah, I'm sort of saying this for effect. But they loved it. They loved that. And it was healthy for them. Yeah. All right. Here is your next limerick.
You just didn't think.
Arrest of someone in the toddler's family.
Dove dived into a fountain. Exactly right. Oh, I just made that up. Specifically...
Roy Blunt Jr. They're going to eliminate italics. People, they did a study, they did a survey, and people just don't like them. People want to decide which words to emphasize on their own. And Faith, would you like to follow that?
too i was hoping you'd say what it was because i couldn't yeah you can have hard hard book hard uh books though hard books hard books i don't like hard books i like the books they're rigid will work with me great But they look good on a shelf. I know, they're so beautiful.
I can see that a couple of my books were way in advance of today because they didn't have a paperback. And they told me that it was because I had written the wrong book. All right.
Wait, Peter, who's saying this?
If you're a German soccer player, we learned this week, it's all very well to bring your little boy to one of your games as long as you tell him this up front. Don't bite the referee in the balls. A match between two lower-level teams was about to begin. Suddenly, it was called off because the only referee was in too much pain. Let the referee tell it.
A small child was doing warm-up exercises alongside the players. He came closer and closer to me. Suddenly, to my complete surprise, he gave me a sharp bite in my left testicle. So give the kid a break. Maybe the thing was hanging loose. Anyway, as any parent knows, you can never think of everything you need to tell a child not to do.
Hey. This is a nice concept.
It's very hard. Yeah. This is very difficult. I don't have smooth Bill Curtis making everything feel better. Look at the smile on his face, Peter.
I have another show that I'm getting ready to host called Fortune of the Wheel. Yeah.
It didn't seem difficult. It was just like, you just drive and talk to strangers, and I get paid in Goldschlager and Rumpelmintz. This seems like an ideal career path. I was going to school for journalism, and I would get laughs. And so I was like, all right, well, this feels like comedy. I'm going to go do that.
And I would just sleep in bus stations and do stand-up, get back to Tallahassee on Monday, and go to Golden Corral that night, work, and just go to class the next three days. That was my life.
I think that every American... should either serve in the military a year or the food service industry for three years. Those two.
Because especially the restaurant industry, because when you work in a restaurant, especially a midsize like that with a staff of about 40 to 50 back in front of house, that job, your first job as a teenager, that's the first time you encounter adults who don't give a shit about you. Most adults... I'm serious. Most adults in your life up until that point have a vested interest in you being okay.
But I worked with a dude we literally called Cocaine Mike. This is a man who's 39 and doesn't care what 18-year-old Roy and he's going to talk to you about life. And... I feel like it also introduces you to every type of American. I worked in North Florida.
So everything from white supremacists to nuns, to pastors, to gangbangers, to you meet literally every type of person and you have to figure out a way to connect with them. It's incredible. Hands down, the best life school I ever got was 213 and Hour in Tallahassee, Florida. Wow.
And those bastards have never reached out. You know how McDonald's reaches out to all of their, like, oh, this is Macy Gray. She, you, look at Macy Gray. Put on the apron. They never reach out. Really?
I don't know where Cocaine Mike is, but I sure hope that prison has NPR.
She had a student that was a baggage handler at the bus station. And he went to her class. She was a college professor. And he went to my mom's class the next day and said, Dr. Wood, I saw your son sleeping in the bus station. You ain't seen none of my damn sons sleeping in no bus station. My baby in Tallahassee. No, he's not, Joyce. He's downtown. He's sleeping at the bus station.
And so my mom never agreed or understood why comedy was what I wanted to do. But she was the one who put down for what ended up being my first road car because she didn't want me sleeping in bus stations. And it was essentially, I don't know why you do this. But you seem focused. Your grades have gotten better. Here's a car so you won't sleep in the bus stations." To which I said, thank you.
And that car extended my reach. It changed everything. And I think my mom's objective was to get me the car so that I could drive back to Tallahassee after the show. But instead, I would now just travel twice as far and sleep in the car in bus station parking lots.
You do? Do you have any reason to believe in ghosts? Yeah, I was dating a widower, and we were trying to have sex, and I kept getting a Charlie horse, and I feel like it was a dead husband.
No, she doesn't know about this.
Ooh. That feels like a C. Give me C. Give me the Camel Cavalry.
I don't... Japan has a lot of customs around food, so I don't think a ghost would be disrespectful on the food side of things. Not even a ghost. Yeah, I can see that. I can see that logic. Give me bad haircut. I've seen some bad haircuts in Asia. I've been over there a couple of times. Maybe it was a ghost that did it. So your choice is A, the haircut. Roy is right.
As much as I want to believe that New York has to declare ghosts, New York won't even declare bad pipes. moving to these places, and it's all types of stuff. Vermont seems like a nice, fun, happy-go-lucky type of place. Give me claiming a ghost on the taxes.
Adventure catting, it's called, and it's a full-blown trend, complete with special cat harnesses and social media feeds. People are taking their cats hiking, paddle boarding, and mountain climbing as if they were dogs or people, anything but cats. One adventure catter told NPR, quote, taking them on adventures is such a good bonding activity. I wouldn't want to leave them at home.
The cat had no comment. It breaks the stereotype of cats, we are told. Well, I guess it does. Our cat, Jimmy, is adventurous, all right, when it comes to climbing way up behind a motel room sink or yowling with wildlife at 2 a.m. But can I see him swinging along a Sylvan hiking trail with us?
Much less paddle boarding and all the other distinctly non-feline sports that adventure cats, we are told, get up to. What I can see is Jimmy taking one look at the little Nike snowshoes somebody got him and laughing his little ass off.
It was very small triplets.
It's a food thing, right?
Christmas tree.
I believe that there is a tour that you can take to all the houses and sites of the Sopranos. Yes, you can. There is that. If I were an alien being, I would want to check that out first. Yeah.
Yeah. Well... Oysters are worth it. Are they?
The bandit hornet, the outlaw hornet, the illegal hornet, the... You're so close.
Get through a miserable round of questioning. Whoa.
Roy Blunt Jr. Jimmy Carter will get heaven with a high five from Abe Lincoln. And Dulce Sloan.
Well, I flew here on one, but maybe that was just a plane.
Apparently.
That's true. Is the Pope Catholic?