Roy Wood Jr.

Wow, these athletes have become so soft they're getting their ass whipped by nachos? Hey, let hockey fans be part of the game and throw whatever they want on the rink, okay? Popcorn, divorce papers, their most aerodynamic children. You brought them to a hockey game, you're already a bad father.

All right, well, that's all the time we have for today. Join us next week when we debate if a tie really is as bad as kissing your sister. Well, I can tell you from personal experience, it's not nearly as hot. How would you know that?

All right, well, that's all the time we have for today. Join us next week when we debate if a tie really is as bad as kissing your sister. Well, I can tell you from personal experience, it's not nearly as hot. How would you know that?

Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Roy Chang. We got so much to talk about tonight. MAGA throws a party, Donald Trump rules by shoppy, and Jordan Klepper freezes his ass off at the inauguration. But you know what? This is day one of the Trump administration part two. So let's get into our brand new segment, the second coming of Donald J. Trump. Yesterday was a momentous day for the country.

Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Roy Chang. We got so much to talk about tonight. MAGA throws a party, Donald Trump rules by shoppy, and Jordan Klepper freezes his ass off at the inauguration. But you know what? This is day one of the Trump administration part two. So let's get into our brand new segment, the second coming of Donald J. Trump. Yesterday was a momentous day for the country.

The once disgraced president returning to office after four years ready to enact terrible revenge against his political enemies. But first, party time! And what a party it was! Donald Trump got dressed up in a tux that actually fit him for a change and made his grand entrance in front of a Windows 95 screensaver.

The once disgraced president returning to office after four years ready to enact terrible revenge against his political enemies. But first, party time! And what a party it was! Donald Trump got dressed up in a tux that actually fit him for a change and made his grand entrance in front of a Windows 95 screensaver.

They played YMCA, which is America's new national anthem, I guess, while Donald Trump did the presidential jerk-off dance because that's not like a song that has its own extremely famous dance moves. Then they brought out a cake with an airplane on it, which is the coolest thing any six-year-old boy can have. And wait, are they giving him an actual sword to cut the cake?

They played YMCA, which is America's new national anthem, I guess, while Donald Trump did the presidential jerk-off dance because that's not like a song that has its own extremely famous dance moves. Then they brought out a cake with an airplane on it, which is the coolest thing any six-year-old boy can have. And wait, are they giving him an actual sword to cut the cake?

Oh, don't give him a sword. Now he's dancing with the sword. It's just a bad idea. He really just swung that thing around. We were about three inches away from finding out whether Melania is cake. This was a long night of celebration, and he ended it by thanking everyone who was important to him, starting, of course, with the person standing directly in front of him.

Oh, don't give him a sword. Now he's dancing with the sword. It's just a bad idea. He really just swung that thing around. We were about three inches away from finding out whether Melania is cake. This was a long night of celebration, and he ended it by thanking everyone who was important to him, starting, of course, with the person standing directly in front of him.

Okay, I thought you were going to start with Melania, but I'm sure you'll get to her next.

Okay, I thought you were going to start with Melania, but I'm sure you'll get to her next.

Okay, you know what? He's saving the most important person, Melania, for last.

Okay, you know what? He's saving the most important person, Melania, for last.

Wait, who the f*** is Chloe? Just... His wife is standing right there. He's just making up new family members. And she does not look happy, okay? I don't know about the Panama Canal, but tonight the Slovenian Canal is closed. Look, it wasn't all partying and disrespecting his wife, OK? He also did some work. Like, actually, a lot of work. Yesterday, that dude signed over 100 executive actions.

Wait, who the f*** is Chloe? Just... His wife is standing right there. He's just making up new family members. And she does not look happy, okay? I don't know about the Panama Canal, but tonight the Slovenian Canal is closed. Look, it wasn't all partying and disrespecting his wife, OK? He also did some work. Like, actually, a lot of work. Yesterday, that dude signed over 100 executive actions.

I mean, look at that. He froze the federal hiring bill, something about genders. Then he said Cuba's a state-sponsored terrorist now. He renamed a mountain. Dishwashers are less efficient. What, he can do that? Look, he had so many executive actions, they had to, like, scroll through the tracks like it was an ad for, like, now that's what I call MAGA.

I mean, look at that. He froze the federal hiring bill, something about genders. Then he said Cuba's a state-sponsored terrorist now. He renamed a mountain. Dishwashers are less efficient. What, he can do that? Look, he had so many executive actions, they had to, like, scroll through the tracks like it was an ad for, like, now that's what I call MAGA.

And being the showman that he was, Trump wasn't going to sign these behind a desk with a pen and paper like a nerd, okay? No, he turned this into an arena show.