Ryan Zofay

Like I absolutely suck at reading and writing.

And I mean, I don't have a desire to get better, but the little bit of effort that I have put in,

i've seen myself improve and and i do believe if i if i focused on it as hard as i focus on public speaking i do believe there's a level of evolving that could happen for me um but most people don't really know the steps to take to really have that emotional intelligence or to even get to a place of the ability to regulate their emotions or express their emotions

right and i also think as men it's kind of like it's it's becoming more talked about now but growing up it was like a taboo topic to talk about emotions like opening up right for sure but it's super important for sure you know yeah i mean it's i i believe that is a superpower i think the ability to like fully express emotions i mean at the end of the day like growing up that was that was what happened

for those that have these voids, they weren't able to understand or express their emotions.

And so that's what trauma is.

It's unexpressed experience that you can't make sense of.

And there's these trauma capsules that are put into our autonomic nervous system.

And that's what's getting triggered when things are happening or situations are happening in our environment.

We're unable to control ourselves.

internally through those messes and so the only way that you can really build emotional intelligence in my view like true to its core is going through processes to express that stuff like reliving those childhood moments having those conversations from that child's perspective right because there's different parts of us that that live that exist that were created at a time when that part needed to come out

and so like there's there's like charles jung talks about like archetypes and so everybody has these different versions of themselves and so the inner child a lot of times runs the show so like if you're throwing a temper tantrum or if you're like in a fight you know if you ask yourself like how old am i being right now you're going to name a number and you're like 12 13 6 5. so that part of you needs to express himself and so creating a safe environment to allow that

process to happen starts to shift your perspective change your memories and you have a different experience about it i love that yeah you probably tried all sorts of therapies with the 10 000 hours you mentioned earlier for sure but that's what i found is like the real root it addresses the cause it addresses the root cause of what's going on

And so that's why whenever I hear people doing work, I'm always curious, like what modality are they up to?

And a lot of people today, a lot of these coaches out there in the world, they teach from a symptoms perspective.

Like they're like, oh, I'm not feeling good.

So like, all right, journal.

Well, journaling is just addressing the symptom or like meditating or, you know,

talking about it, like talk therapy, unless you're going back to the event, the cause that started it, you're really not, it's like, it's like a root canal.

It's like, if I have a root canal, if I, if I, if I have a cavity and I go to the dentist and the dentist is like, yo, you have a cavity and they're like, all right, just floss.