Sabrina Zohar

The secure person's going to say, no, thank you. That doesn't work for me. And they'll walk away. The anxious person, it's continuing on this trap of you're too much. You're too needy. They get to remove themselves, but they know, wait, but I need you to come back. I want you. The anxious person removes themselves and then the avoidant comes closer.

Whereas somebody secure, if you have someone that's highly anxious and you set a boundary, they're not going to keep dating that person if they disrespect the boundary. So if I'm super secure and I'm dating somebody highly anxious that doesn't respect my boundaries, texts me 24-7, freaks out if I don't text them back in two seconds, demands that I see them 24-7,

And it's just this cycle that repeats itself until somebody says, I'm fucking done.

And it's just this cycle that repeats itself until somebody says, I'm fucking done.

And it's just this cycle that repeats itself until somebody says, I'm fucking done.

And it's just this cycle that repeats itself until somebody says, I'm fucking done.

And it's just this cycle that repeats itself until somebody says, I'm fucking done.

The secure person's going to say, no, thank you. That doesn't work for me. And they'll walk away. The anxious person, it's continuing on this trap of you're too much. You're too needy. They get to remove themselves, but they know, wait, but I need you to come back. I want you. The anxious person removes themselves and then the avoidant comes closer.

And it's just this cycle that repeats itself until somebody says, I'm fucking done.

So I just recently saw a study done for 2024 that 71% of couples, I think it was 68 or 71, I can't remember exact, but anywhere between 68 to 71 majority meet online. And it was like a poll and they showed over the years from the 50s to now how it changed, right? How everything drastically changed. So knowing 68 to 71% of people are meeting online, that's a huge statistic to look at.

But you know, it also is on the rise, 48% increase on Eventbrite for singles events. So what we're seeing is, yes, people are still meeting online, but now we're getting into a time where people are looking for human interaction again. They're searching for it. They're hungry for it. Girl, I can't tell you in LA how many events I've gone to where it's like, it's a singles night.

It's a dating event of meeting in person. We have to look at this as with every pro, there comes a con. I am so tired of hearing online dating ruined everything. Well, that's like saying the internet ruined everything. No, the internet brought a lot of beauty, but it also brought a lot of chaos. With good comes bad. And I think what I see is our phones are little drug machines, right?

It's a dopamine reward system. And for anyone who's not familiar, dopamine comes in anticipation of. So our cortisol will spike in stress, and then our dopamine gets depleted because the brain needs it for the cortisol that's happening. So we're constantly seeking more, more, more. It's a slot machine. So it's the same effects that happen when you walk into a casino.

So what I look at is, I met my partner on Hinge, so who am I to say that dating apps are the enemy? I've had great success on that aspect, but I've also met a ton of terrible people on there. I think what we have to look at is, what are the reasons that people don't want to try dating online?

What I hear normally, I'm curious what you hear in your community, is, I hate this, it makes me uncomfortable, I don't like it. And my response to them is, then do it. Because stop trying to avoid things that make us uncomfortable. It's okay that you don't like how you feel, but then we have to look and say, is that because I have expectations on this?

Am I putting way too high of an expectation on a dating app? Is my life revolving around if someone chooses me off this app? It's just another modality of meeting people because here's the other side of the coin. Okay, fine. You want to meet someone in person, right? So are you cool with rejection? Are you cool with someone saying to your face, no, thank you?

Are you cool with a girl saying, I have a boyfriend and walking off? Are you going to go up and talk to people? And if your answer is no, well, then the apps are there to help you. So that's why I think there is a positive and negative with every regard. I see it as you need to be a better buyer. I'm not going to blame the apps because they're shitty people.

That's not the app's fault that I went on a date with someone. That's not great because I didn't vet this person enough. So we can only blame the apps. Of course, listen, are they there to make money? The casino always wins. But that's also me. I do have agency and control on how I interact with this piece of technology.

And what are your thoughts about that?

And what are your thoughts about that?