Saint Jhn
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
It was 20 years.
It was 20 years.
In those 20 years, I made so many different choices. I made so many different types of styles of music. I just allowed myself to grow. So when you hear me and you hear my experiences musically, you're looking like the maturation of somebody who's in search of freedom that's just living through that. I want to make sure that I represent that when you hear it. So I use my voice as an instrument.
In those 20 years, I made so many different choices. I made so many different types of styles of music. I just allowed myself to grow. So when you hear me and you hear my experiences musically, you're looking like the maturation of somebody who's in search of freedom that's just living through that. I want to make sure that I represent that when you hear it. So I use my voice as an instrument.
It's just an instrument. Sometimes I'm rapping. Sometimes I'm singing. Sometimes it sounds a little bit like R&B, although I don't know much about R&B. Sometimes it sounds like dancehall, although I'm not overly intoxicated with dancehall at this present point in my life. Sometimes it's country music because I think dancehall and country music is the same thing with a different accent.
It's just an instrument. Sometimes I'm rapping. Sometimes I'm singing. Sometimes it sounds a little bit like R&B, although I don't know much about R&B. Sometimes it sounds like dancehall, although I'm not overly intoxicated with dancehall at this present point in my life. Sometimes it's country music because I think dancehall and country music is the same thing with a different accent.
Yeah, basically. For some reason, I think I can hear the through line between when the letters A connect to the letters F. I'm just making like a strange comparison. I can hear how you can get from A to F. I'm like, oh, no, these things connect. And that's why these relate. And I'm constantly playing and evolving with sound and lyric and substance.
Yeah, basically. For some reason, I think I can hear the through line between when the letters A connect to the letters F. I'm just making like a strange comparison. I can hear how you can get from A to F. I'm like, oh, no, these things connect. And that's why these relate. And I'm constantly playing and evolving with sound and lyric and substance.
So I'm honestly, you're watching honest experiments when you hear the music. So I'm genre diversion because I'm just honestly experimenting.
So I'm honestly, you're watching honest experiments when you hear the music. So I'm genre diversion because I'm just honestly experimenting.
It's always evolving. I found my truth. And then my truth is the core of my sound because I'm always just telling my story. Right. So no matter what it sounds like, I was given this example. So I could be making a horror film. or I could be making an action movie, or I could be making a rom-com. But I'm always believable because I'm telling my truth within that story.
It's always evolving. I found my truth. And then my truth is the core of my sound because I'm always just telling my story. Right. So no matter what it sounds like, I was given this example. So I could be making a horror film. or I could be making an action movie, or I could be making a rom-com. But I'm always believable because I'm telling my truth within that story.
There was about, there was two of them. So maybe three. So there's one time I was writing songs and it was before I got any like significant placements by placements. I mean, any progress with any landing, any songs with any major artists. Right. I remember I started songwriting and it was maybe, let's say two years into like really honing my craft and getting good.
There was about, there was two of them. So maybe three. So there's one time I was writing songs and it was before I got any like significant placements by placements. I mean, any progress with any landing, any songs with any major artists. Right. I remember I started songwriting and it was maybe, let's say two years into like really honing my craft and getting good.
And I would have meetings with A&Rs or record executives. Like by the time I finally figured out how to be useful, songwriting by the way for me was the first time in my life that I was in service of someone, in service of something else. It was the first time that I came into a room and asked, what could I do for you? As opposed to asking for something that I needed.
And I would have meetings with A&Rs or record executives. Like by the time I finally figured out how to be useful, songwriting by the way for me was the first time in my life that I was in service of someone, in service of something else. It was the first time that I came into a room and asked, what could I do for you? As opposed to asking for something that I needed.
And by virtue of asking other people what I could do for them, it changed my life. It opened my world. First of all, it sat me down and humbled me. It let me know, you're not as important as you think you are. Shut up. Go into the back of the room. Listen. Take criticism. Take judgment. Internalize it. Recycle it and become better. Get great. It was like training camp.
And by virtue of asking other people what I could do for them, it changed my life. It opened my world. First of all, it sat me down and humbled me. It let me know, you're not as important as you think you are. Shut up. Go into the back of the room. Listen. Take criticism. Take judgment. Internalize it. Recycle it and become better. Get great. It was like training camp.
Because most when you're an artist, you believe you're right because you believe in yourself. When you become in service of somebody else's art, you have to take criticism, critiques. You have to take judgment. You have to you get sharper because It's someone else's lens, someone else's vision. So it's an incredible training course.
Because most when you're an artist, you believe you're right because you believe in yourself. When you become in service of somebody else's art, you have to take criticism, critiques. You have to take judgment. You have to you get sharper because It's someone else's lens, someone else's vision. So it's an incredible training course.
So I remember finally having relationships enough that have meetings with A&Rs and I'm having these A&R meetings and having these management meetings and I'm giving them my songs and playing my songs and maybe 24 months into that, right? Because that's just one part of it. They started, someone said, oh, this is really good. This song is really good.
So I remember finally having relationships enough that have meetings with A&Rs and I'm having these A&R meetings and having these management meetings and I'm giving them my songs and playing my songs and maybe 24 months into that, right? Because that's just one part of it. They started, someone said, oh, this is really good. This song is really good.
I was like, oh, that meant, I thought that meant something good. It's like, but I can't take it. I was like, well, you just said it's really good. They were like, it sounds too much like you.
I was like, oh, that meant, I thought that meant something good. It's like, but I can't take it. I was like, well, you just said it's really good. They were like, it sounds too much like you.
And it took me 12 months from that point to see the value in that statement. That statement changed my life.
And it took me 12 months from that point to see the value in that statement. That statement changed my life.
Took me 12 months to go.
Took me 12 months to go.
Oh, I got it.
Oh, I got it.
Oh, I got it. I'm not invisible. You hear me. You can't even avoid me through the thing that I'm trying to hide myself behind to be in service of somebody else's.
Oh, I got it. I'm not invisible. You hear me. You can't even avoid me through the thing that I'm trying to hide myself behind to be in service of somebody else's.
And that changed me. And then the first time I'd written, like I got the Usher record. and I guess a year or so had passed. I think there was a time period between the Usher record and Closing My Eyes, if I remember correctly, the Usher record and then a song that I wrote called Roses, which was intended for Beyonce. That was the intended target. So I'm just songwriting at this point.
And that changed me. And then the first time I'd written, like I got the Usher record. and I guess a year or so had passed. I think there was a time period between the Usher record and Closing My Eyes, if I remember correctly, the Usher record and then a song that I wrote called Roses, which was intended for Beyonce. That was the intended target. So I'm just songwriting at this point.
I'm at my producer, who's a friend of mine, his name is Fallen. I'm in his bedroom in Bushwick and we're making these records in his bedroom. And they were like, yo, yo, whoever the A&R was at the time was like, yo, we need records. We need ideas for B. And I was like, okay, cool. I know what I want her to do. That's what I was thinking.
I'm at my producer, who's a friend of mine, his name is Fallen. I'm in his bedroom in Bushwick and we're making these records in his bedroom. And they were like, yo, yo, whoever the A&R was at the time was like, yo, we need records. We need ideas for B. And I was like, okay, cool. I know what I want her to do. That's what I was thinking.
Like, all right, as a fan, this is where I want her to go next. This is unexplained territory. So I wrote Roses. And it was in between writing Roses and writing Crash for Usher. And we sent Roses in. And I think there was no response at first. And then there was a response like, nah, this isn't it. Whatever it was, I'm butchering whatever the language it came back.
Like, all right, as a fan, this is where I want her to go next. This is unexplained territory. So I wrote Roses. And it was in between writing Roses and writing Crash for Usher. And we sent Roses in. And I think there was no response at first. And then there was a response like, nah, this isn't it. Whatever it was, I'm butchering whatever the language it came back.
But I knew that I believed in the song so much that I was clear. I was like, oh, they don't hear it. Yes. Oh, they don't hear it. That doesn't mean this isn't what I think it is. That just means they don't hear it. Right. There's nothing wrong with that. And if I think this is what I think it is, then it's for me. I'll go put it out.
But I knew that I believed in the song so much that I was clear. I was like, oh, they don't hear it. Yes. Oh, they don't hear it. That doesn't mean this isn't what I think it is. That just means they don't hear it. Right. There's nothing wrong with that. And if I think this is what I think it is, then it's for me. I'll go put it out.
And I did that. I think it was 2016 when that conversation happened and I put it out in 2017.
And I did that. I think it was 2016 when that conversation happened and I put it out in 2017.
I think a bunch of things changed my life because if I had just put that song out in 2017 and sat down, nothing would have happened. Right.
I think a bunch of things changed my life because if I had just put that song out in 2017 and sat down, nothing would have happened. Right.
I think the fact that I put the song out, went on tour when no one knew my name, when no one cared about me and I opened, I was first of four for work doing. I was opening for Post Malone.
I think the fact that I put the song out, went on tour when no one knew my name, when no one cared about me and I opened, I was first of four for work doing. I was opening for Post Malone.
No, we hadn't made it to 50.
No, we hadn't made it to 50.
The first of four. Look, you don't gotta be in music, you don't gotta be in art, you don't gotta be in fashion. To be the first of four for the headliner is a terrible position to be in if you see it that way.
The first of four. Look, you don't gotta be in music, you don't gotta be in art, you don't gotta be in fashion. To be the first of four for the headliner is a terrible position to be in if you see it that way.
I saw it as an opportunity.
I saw it as an opportunity.
Absolutely. He comes on at 9.30, doors open at 7, and I'm on at 7.10.
Absolutely. He comes on at 9.30, doors open at 7, and I'm on at 7.10.
maybe the room at capacity is 1500 people and by the time i start performing that maybe there's 85 people maybe there's 110 yeah and i'm just giving everything i got because those 110 people are going to know my name yeah yeah i just moved my feet and did the work i just kept doing the work yeah and that is what changed my life that's what allowed me
maybe the room at capacity is 1500 people and by the time i start performing that maybe there's 85 people maybe there's 110 yeah and i'm just giving everything i got because those 110 people are going to know my name yeah yeah i just moved my feet and did the work i just kept doing the work yeah and that is what changed my life that's what allowed me
to match the energy of a song that I know the world should hear. So the song was before its time and I had to catch up in energy. So the song went this way and I had to go this way. So it was waiting for me to match its energy.
to match the energy of a song that I know the world should hear. So the song was before its time and I had to catch up in energy. So the song went this way and I had to go this way. So it was waiting for me to match its energy.
I don't have a work-life balance.
I don't have a work-life balance.
Yeah, work is life.
Yeah, work is life.
Yeah, yeah. I record in my living room. Because I don't want there to be a separation between church and state for me. When I'm done working, I want to go to bed. And when I wake up at peace, I want to go to work.
Yeah, yeah. I record in my living room. Because I don't want there to be a separation between church and state for me. When I'm done working, I want to go to bed. And when I wake up at peace, I want to go to work.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, thank you.
I love it.
I love it.
And I need it to be fluid.
And I need it to be fluid.
That's why I can tell my truth because I'm not rehearsing anything.
That's why I can tell my truth because I'm not rehearsing anything.
I'm not prepping anything to get to a place. I remember when I was just getting started, the studio time was $20 an hour and I could only be in a studio for an hour and a half because I'd only saved up 30 bucks.
I'm not prepping anything to get to a place. I remember when I was just getting started, the studio time was $20 an hour and I could only be in a studio for an hour and a half because I'd only saved up 30 bucks.
I'm, I remember that guy in the back of my head. So when I finally got into a position where my home could be my studio, I'm like, I want to be able to work when the idea strikes me. So I'll wake up at eight o'clock and I'll be in the studio by 8.09. I'll do 25 pushups and start recording and then knock on the door to wake up my engineer like, Louie, get up. I got something. It's time.
I'm, I remember that guy in the back of my head. So when I finally got into a position where my home could be my studio, I'm like, I want to be able to work when the idea strikes me. So I'll wake up at eight o'clock and I'll be in the studio by 8.09. I'll do 25 pushups and start recording and then knock on the door to wake up my engineer like, Louie, get up. I got something. It's time.
She has to be humble and bold. And I'm in love with a hustler. I'm in love with somebody who knows how to go and get it. Figure it out. I like a brilliant... Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. All I ever wanted was a brilliant dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. I'm a big fan of a triple melanin girl. Of a super chocolate woman.
She has to be humble and bold. And I'm in love with a hustler. I'm in love with somebody who knows how to go and get it. Figure it out. I like a brilliant... Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. All I ever wanted was a brilliant dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. I'm a big fan of a triple melanin girl. Of a super chocolate woman.
Yeah, of a brown-skinned queen.
Yeah, of a brown-skinned queen.
Yeah, yeah. I love it.
Yeah, yeah. I love it.
Wow, what a big question. Mm-hmm. I'm pausing because there's so much that goes with that. It's not a simple thing. It's not like, yo, I just want children. If you want children, you're gonna have to figure out how to feed them, how to love them, how to guard them, how to provide for them mentally, how to safeguard their future, how to craft a plan for them.
Wow, what a big question. Mm-hmm. I'm pausing because there's so much that goes with that. It's not a simple thing. It's not like, yo, I just want children. If you want children, you're gonna have to figure out how to feed them, how to love them, how to guard them, how to provide for them mentally, how to safeguard their future, how to craft a plan for them.
Despite the plan you have for yourself, you're gonna have to figure out how two parallel lines work together even when they separate sometimes. So yeah, I'd love to have children But I need to be able to give them all the things that I know that are important because now I'm wiser than I've ever been. When my mom had me, she ain't no, no better. My mom comes from 10 and she created four.
Despite the plan you have for yourself, you're gonna have to figure out how two parallel lines work together even when they separate sometimes. So yeah, I'd love to have children But I need to be able to give them all the things that I know that are important because now I'm wiser than I've ever been. When my mom had me, she ain't no, no better. My mom comes from 10 and she created four.
I remember that distinctly. Wasn't that a crazy night? Yeah. Because I was in the back somewhere.
I remember that distinctly. Wasn't that a crazy night? Yeah. Because I was in the back somewhere.
And all of my brothers and sisters have kids. And I'm thinking to myself, I held out the longest. Me too. I kept a good fight going. Me too. I did as much as I possibly could. And I want to be, it'd be a tragedy for me to leave this planet and not let someone inherit all the things that I learned intuitively, like stand as close to me as possible and say, yo, look, I got it for you.
And all of my brothers and sisters have kids. And I'm thinking to myself, I held out the longest. Me too. I kept a good fight going. Me too. I did as much as I possibly could. And I want to be, it'd be a tragedy for me to leave this planet and not let someone inherit all the things that I learned intuitively, like stand as close to me as possible and say, yo, look, I got it for you.
I know how we're going to do this. I'm going to make this better for you. I got all this love for you. All of these failures that I failed, I can teach you. Yes. But I need to be able to do it. honestly and earnestly and with full energy and attention. And I can't take a break from the things that I love outside of my familial life. So I have to figure out that juggle, so I'd love to.
I know how we're going to do this. I'm going to make this better for you. I got all this love for you. All of these failures that I failed, I can teach you. Yes. But I need to be able to do it. honestly and earnestly and with full energy and attention. And I can't take a break from the things that I love outside of my familial life. So I have to figure out that juggle, so I'd love to.
to paint the picture of how dynamic enormous and impactful that room was like the world would shake if that room said we're gonna all do something the whole planet would shake literally yeah it was it was powerful it was really really powerful I remember Mariah Carey being at the bar over here I remember because James does this. So James would be like, look, just come, just show up.
to paint the picture of how dynamic enormous and impactful that room was like the world would shake if that room said we're gonna all do something the whole planet would shake literally yeah it was it was powerful it was really really powerful I remember Mariah Carey being at the bar over here I remember because James does this. So James would be like, look, just come, just show up.
I'd love to be in a place where there's a little one I walk in here and you're like, oh, you see him in the corner? You reading that book I gave him? That'd be cool. But I got to do it the right way. It has to be done the right way or I'm going to produce something that was as messed up as I was. And I have to figure out how to heal myself. And still I am. I'm still figuring that out.
I'd love to be in a place where there's a little one I walk in here and you're like, oh, you see him in the corner? You reading that book I gave him? That'd be cool. But I got to do it the right way. It has to be done the right way or I'm going to produce something that was as messed up as I was. And I have to figure out how to heal myself. And still I am. I'm still figuring that out.
I'm going on tour again. I'm really excited about that.
I'm going on tour again. I'm really excited about that.
So I start festival season tour. Tour is my most honest version of myself. I make it a plan not to lie about who I am, what I am, and what I'm trying to do. But on tour, because it's just me and a microphone and a captive audience. And I don't think I'm as creative as other people think I am. So when I'm on that stage, I can't hide from you.
So I start festival season tour. Tour is my most honest version of myself. I make it a plan not to lie about who I am, what I am, and what I'm trying to do. But on tour, because it's just me and a microphone and a captive audience. And I don't think I'm as creative as other people think I am. So when I'm on that stage, I can't hide from you.
Yeah. It's me and you. 70 something minutes. The lights are either bright or moody. I can't be so clever that I come up with all of this storyline. My memory ain't even that good. I be forgetting my lyrics. So much less the nonsense I planned on saying. So I'm either going to give, I got to give you my truth. So whatever it is, I'm giving my truth.
Yeah. It's me and you. 70 something minutes. The lights are either bright or moody. I can't be so clever that I come up with all of this storyline. My memory ain't even that good. I be forgetting my lyrics. So much less the nonsense I planned on saying. So I'm either going to give, I got to give you my truth. So whatever it is, I'm giving my truth.
So my touring me is the most vulnerable, open thing. unhinged me possible. So if you really see that and you love that, then you figured out a way to love me for who I am. So I'm really excited to go back on tour.
So my touring me is the most vulnerable, open thing. unhinged me possible. So if you really see that and you love that, then you figured out a way to love me for who I am. So I'm really excited to go back on tour.
You're going to love it.
You're going to love it.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
Thank you. I love yours, too. And congrats. Seven seasons.
Thank you. I love yours, too. And congrats. Seven seasons.
It's no small feat to do anything consistently.
It's no small feat to do anything consistently.
It's a miracle for real.
It's a miracle for real.
And it looked good and it smelled good. The hallway smelled good. You know how hard that is? I was like, what the heck is going on through here?
And it looked good and it smelled good. The hallway smelled good. You know how hard that is? I was like, what the heck is going on through here?
Oh, line me up.
Oh, line me up.
Yeah. I got you. That's one of my next endeavors. Okay. I love that. Is it? Well, I'm not going to ask about this. This is probably not yours.
Yeah. I got you. That's one of my next endeavors. Okay. I love that. Is it? Well, I'm not going to ask about this. This is probably not yours.
This is one of the joints.
This is one of the joints.
Thank you for having me. Of course. This is dope.
Thank you for having me. Of course. This is dope.
And I won't know what I'm showing up for. He's like, just trust me. Just trust me. And I trust him. It's my brother. So I'm showing up and pulling up for whatever he needs. He's like, yo, just you're going to be all right. That was a pull up. Yeah, that was a pull up. Yeah. That's not the first time he's done that. Wow. That was a pull up. I remember who he he passed at this point. Michael.
And I won't know what I'm showing up for. He's like, just trust me. Just trust me. And I trust him. It's my brother. So I'm showing up and pulling up for whatever he needs. He's like, yo, just you're going to be all right. That was a pull up. Yeah, that was a pull up. Yeah. That's not the first time he's done that. Wow. That was a pull up. I remember who he he passed at this point. Michael.
Michael. What is Michael's last name?
Michael. What is Michael's last name?
Yes, he was on The Wire. He deserves to be celebrated in his name.
Yes, he was on The Wire. He deserves to be celebrated in his name.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, of course.
He said Omar.
He said Omar.
Chalky White from the other movie. Yes. The other show.
Chalky White from the other movie. Yes. The other show.
But it's Michael. His first name is Michael. We're going to get his name. This was before he passed. Michael Williams. Michael Williams. Michael K. Williams. I remember running into him at the bathroom and he was just, his energy was just turned, like with humility and peaceful and gratitude. And he was just like, I was like, man, this is Omar. Omar with the scar, he's such a nice guy.
But it's Michael. His first name is Michael. We're going to get his name. This was before he passed. Michael Williams. Michael Williams. Michael K. Williams. I remember running into him at the bathroom and he was just, his energy was just turned, like with humility and peaceful and gratitude. And he was just like, I was like, man, this is Omar. Omar with the scar, he's such a nice guy.
Special, special soul.
Special, special soul.
That was a really memorable night.
That was a really memorable night.
Do you remember, I remember Kelly Rowland being in their front row, right? Y'all remember that? And James caught me on stage right after I closed my eye so I could picture it. It was Usher. I knew you was gonna say Usher, yes. And Donald Glover.
Do you remember, I remember Kelly Rowland being in their front row, right? Y'all remember that? And James caught me on stage right after I closed my eye so I could picture it. It was Usher. I knew you was gonna say Usher, yes. And Donald Glover.
They were doing a duet.
They were doing a duet.
It was a crazy night. And then James was like, yo... Come do Reflex, cause that's his favorite song of mine. So he starts performing it with me.
It was a crazy night. And then James was like, yo... Come do Reflex, cause that's his favorite song of mine. So he starts performing it with me.
It was poorer and poorer. I thought we were at the bottom. in Brooklyn, because we on food stamps. My mom is working three shifts. She's a nurse's aide. She's just trying to hustle. By the way, I spent, her and I spent the last couple weeks talking about the word hustle. Really? Because she's old school. My mom is 65.
It was poorer and poorer. I thought we were at the bottom. in Brooklyn, because we on food stamps. My mom is working three shifts. She's a nurse's aide. She's just trying to hustle. By the way, I spent, her and I spent the last couple weeks talking about the word hustle. Really? Because she's old school. My mom is 65.
So when I say hustle, and she'd heard me say it like in an interview or something, she's like, I wasn't a prostitute. Because her only concept of a hustle is prostitution. She's like, I wasn't a street walker. I said, Mom, come on. That's not what I was saying. But she got it. And she's like, you know what? You're right. I was a super hustler. Yeah, get into it. Get into it.
So when I say hustle, and she'd heard me say it like in an interview or something, she's like, I wasn't a prostitute. Because her only concept of a hustle is prostitution. She's like, I wasn't a street walker. I said, Mom, come on. That's not what I was saying. But she got it. And she's like, you know what? You're right. I was a super hustler. Yeah, get into it. Get into it.
Before she knew what the bag was. She wasn't getting to the bag because my mom has four kids.
Before she knew what the bag was. She wasn't getting to the bag because my mom has four kids.
And single mom. My pops just wasn't around. He was... just off doing whatever he was doing. So she was working as much as she possibly could. And we were super poor. We had the monopoly money. That's when the food stamps was multicolored. And I remember thinking, you know, we're as broke as we could possibly get, we're as poor as we could possibly be.
And single mom. My pops just wasn't around. He was... just off doing whatever he was doing. So she was working as much as she possibly could. And we were super poor. We had the monopoly money. That's when the food stamps was multicolored. And I remember thinking, you know, we're as broke as we could possibly get, we're as poor as we could possibly be.
But what was really, really, really important to her, she was so astute. My mom was so sharp. She was just really clear on her vision and what she needed for her kids. We lived a block away from the projects, all the time, every time. So I grew up in Brooklyn. It was always one block away from the projects.
But what was really, really, really important to her, she was so astute. My mom was so sharp. She was just really clear on her vision and what she needed for her kids. We lived a block away from the projects, all the time, every time. So I grew up in Brooklyn. It was always one block away from the projects.
Because for her, those centimeters and millimeters away made a magnificent difference in what she could make sure she embedded into us as children. And she's right. It would have been a tremendous difference because we got into so much trouble. There was so much trauma and drama growing up, me and my brothers, that if I was
Because for her, those centimeters and millimeters away made a magnificent difference in what she could make sure she embedded into us as children. And she's right. It would have been a tremendous difference because we got into so much trouble. There was so much trauma and drama growing up, me and my brothers, that if I was
inside the box, as opposed to 10 millimeters away from the box, we probably wouldn't have been here talking to them. The world would have never heard about me.
inside the box, as opposed to 10 millimeters away from the box, we probably wouldn't have been here talking to them. The world would have never heard about me.
All right. Are you ready? I'm ready.
All right. Are you ready? I'm ready.
So I think it manifests itself in my art and my creativity and my portrayal of my creativity, probably even more than in my day-to-day life because it's such a normal function. It's a normal function of behavior. I'll explain it a little bit better. So I make music all the time, every day almost. And the cathartic experience of me making music
So I think it manifests itself in my art and my creativity and my portrayal of my creativity, probably even more than in my day-to-day life because it's such a normal function. It's a normal function of behavior. I'll explain it a little bit better. So I make music all the time, every day almost. And the cathartic experience of me making music
it's almost like I'm doing mantras and I'm almost praying all the time. You'll always hear biblical references. You'll always hear religious references in my music. And it's not things I'm, planning or scheduling or conceiving. It's just happening. So it's almost like I'm praying in small portions constantly. And if I didn't take stock or have enough self-awareness, I'd miss it.
it's almost like I'm doing mantras and I'm almost praying all the time. You'll always hear biblical references. You'll always hear religious references in my music. And it's not things I'm, planning or scheduling or conceiving. It's just happening. So it's almost like I'm praying in small portions constantly. And if I didn't take stock or have enough self-awareness, I'd miss it.
I'd miss all the songs and all the tributes that I make to God. I'd miss it all the time. But as you see, my name is St. John. My mom named me that.
I'd miss all the songs and all the tributes that I make to God. I'd miss it all the time. But as you see, my name is St. John. My mom named me that.
That's my birth name.
That's my birth name.
It keeps following me. Yeah, it keeps. I thought I ran away. Right.
It keeps following me. Yeah, it keeps. I thought I ran away. Right.
Sexy. Home. Peaceful.
Sexy. Home. Peaceful.
Yeah. The cross is my logo.
Yeah. The cross is my logo.
Yeah, it just keeps not haunting me. Wouldn't be the right word, but it keeps trailing me it's always ever ever present because i definitely ran away from the institution of church yes i hated that i hated that i hated what it tried to force upon me i hated what it tried to teach me that i had to be i hated how prejudicial it was yeah and how
Yeah, it just keeps not haunting me. Wouldn't be the right word, but it keeps trailing me it's always ever ever present because i definitely ran away from the institution of church yes i hated that i hated that i hated what it tried to force upon me i hated what it tried to teach me that i had to be i hated how prejudicial it was yeah and how
hell and brim fire i hate that level of preaching i didn't like that it wasn't inclusive in whatever your journey could be or your process could be but in my daily regimen my daily practice i'm giving it up to god all the time even in the small ways my mom told me she said i was telling about something i was going through recently and she said cool you just got to go talk to god she was like she was like you know i don't beg god for nothing i love your mom's accent for nothing
hell and brim fire i hate that level of preaching i didn't like that it wasn't inclusive in whatever your journey could be or your process could be but in my daily regimen my daily practice i'm giving it up to god all the time even in the small ways my mom told me she said i was telling about something i was going through recently and she said cool you just got to go talk to god she was like she was like you know i don't beg god for nothing i love your mom's accent for nothing
I just go to the father and I said, look, father is what I need.
I just go to the father and I said, look, father is what I need.
And I'm like, yeah, mom, that's it. Yeah, that's it.
And I'm like, yeah, mom, that's it. Yeah, that's it.
She seems like she's cool.
She seems like she's cool.
I think my first thought is probably failing. Failing so much. Wow. Yeah, I've been through so much. I've failed, I've missed. So many times I'm proud of myself, but not proud of myself because I'm something special. I'm proud of myself because I've never given up on myself. So when I walk in a room, even if it's my first time in a room, it might be my last time in a room.
I think my first thought is probably failing. Failing so much. Wow. Yeah, I've been through so much. I've failed, I've missed. So many times I'm proud of myself, but not proud of myself because I'm something special. I'm proud of myself because I've never given up on myself. So when I walk in a room, even if it's my first time in a room, it might be my last time in a room.
I might never get back in that room again. And I'm grateful to be there. I could be the guy that's holding the camera. I could be the guy that's holding the lights. I could be the guy that's moving the plants. I could be the guy in front of the camera. I could be the guy that's moving the magazines. And I'm aware of that in my life. So I'm always grateful for everybody who's there.
I might never get back in that room again. And I'm grateful to be there. I could be the guy that's holding the camera. I could be the guy that's holding the lights. I could be the guy that's moving the plants. I could be the guy in front of the camera. I could be the guy that's moving the magazines. And I'm aware of that in my life. So I'm always grateful for everybody who's there.
I'm like, yo, what's up? Like, I don't know who you are, but I'm sure you're here for a reason. So I just want to say hi. And I think my confidence comes from all of the things, all the experiences, all of the pitfalls, all the missteps, all of the misinformation, all of the bad nights, but still having to get up in the early mornings to figure out how to do it again.
I'm like, yo, what's up? Like, I don't know who you are, but I'm sure you're here for a reason. So I just want to say hi. And I think my confidence comes from all of the things, all the experiences, all of the pitfalls, all the missteps, all of the misinformation, all of the bad nights, but still having to get up in the early mornings to figure out how to do it again.
Like, you got to keep the same energy. You know that when people say that, it took me a long, long time to realize what that meant. It means that even when it's bad, even when it's good, when a roller coaster goes up and a roller coaster goes down, when the day is rough, when your hair ain't done, your makeup is messed up, when your shoes is muddy, when your shirt is tatted.
Like, you got to keep the same energy. You know that when people say that, it took me a long, long time to realize what that meant. It means that even when it's bad, even when it's good, when a roller coaster goes up and a roller coaster goes down, when the day is rough, when your hair ain't done, your makeup is messed up, when your shoes is muddy, when your shirt is tatted.
Something has to stay standard. Something has to be the same. Keep the same energy. It's all good. One day you're up, next day you're down. Long as you stay the same, it'll come back around.
Something has to stay standard. Something has to be the same. Keep the same energy. It's all good. One day you're up, next day you're down. Long as you stay the same, it'll come back around.
I kind of live by that.
I kind of live by that.
Sometimes it's tough for me to pinpoint because they're daily. I think... You know, if your skin is clear and you walk in bold and straight, there's a presumption that you don't have to deal with pain or you're just in a peaceful place. And it definitely doesn't mean that. I'm wrestling with shit. Pardon me from cursing. No, it's fine. Yeah, I'm wrestling with things on a regular basis.
Sometimes it's tough for me to pinpoint because they're daily. I think... You know, if your skin is clear and you walk in bold and straight, there's a presumption that you don't have to deal with pain or you're just in a peaceful place. And it definitely doesn't mean that. I'm wrestling with shit. Pardon me from cursing. No, it's fine. Yeah, I'm wrestling with things on a regular basis.
So I'm trying to pinpoint one of the most challenging times. Oh, man. I don't know.
So I'm trying to pinpoint one of the most challenging times. Oh, man. I don't know.
Grammys. Yeah.
Grammys. Yeah.
But I'm one of the roughest. Or is that just... closest and reference point.
But I'm one of the roughest. Or is that just... closest and reference point.
That was probably the roughest.
That was probably the roughest.
Family. Oh man, I just think of James. Yes.
Family. Oh man, I just think of James. Yes.
I move like I'm free. I live like I'm free. Because in truth, quietly, I'm in search of freedom.
I move like I'm free. I live like I'm free. Because in truth, quietly, I'm in search of freedom.
I'm trying to project the thing that I'm in search of. I'm desperately grappling at something that I want to feel, that I want to be able to provide to the people around me, and that I'd like to be able to give as hope for the people who are just observing me.
I'm trying to project the thing that I'm in search of. I'm desperately grappling at something that I want to feel, that I want to be able to provide to the people around me, and that I'd like to be able to give as hope for the people who are just observing me.
It's the freedom that I'm chasing, the thing that I know is possible, that I'm really, really, really, really, really desperately trying to hold on to. So when I go make music, Because I'm not no natural talent. I don't care how I come across. And I'm not being humble. This is not humility. This is me being clear. This is clarity. Maybe I'm special in a way that we're all special.
It's the freedom that I'm chasing, the thing that I know is possible, that I'm really, really, really, really, really desperately trying to hold on to. So when I go make music, Because I'm not no natural talent. I don't care how I come across. And I'm not being humble. This is not humility. This is me being clear. This is clarity. Maybe I'm special in a way that we're all special.
If you sat down with anybody and got to see the inner workings of how their clock worked, you'd be like, oh, that person is magnificent. They do a thing really remarkably. Yes. I don't think I'm special in any type of way. I think I'm highlighted because I found my place. But I found my place because I spent my seasons harvesting my talent because I wasn't good. Wow.
If you sat down with anybody and got to see the inner workings of how their clock worked, you'd be like, oh, that person is magnificent. They do a thing really remarkably. Yes. I don't think I'm special in any type of way. I think I'm highlighted because I found my place. But I found my place because I spent my seasons harvesting my talent because I wasn't good. Wow.
Because I started out just rapping, just battle rapping, just pursuing something I was really desperately interested in and wasn't good at first and then got good. Yeah. And then hit so many brick walls. I spent 20 years making music before anybody had heard my name.
Because I started out just rapping, just battle rapping, just pursuing something I was really desperately interested in and wasn't good at first and then got good. Yeah. And then hit so many brick walls. I spent 20 years making music before anybody had heard my name.
Like 20 years.
Like 20 years.
Yeah. 20 years, imagine keeping the same energy for 20 years and keeping your skin glowing for 20 years and keeping your physique strong for 20 years and keeping your mind sharp for 20 years and being brave and courageous for 20 years and staying locked in for 20 years. It's many, many, many summers. Most people give up on themselves long before the sun rises for them.
Yeah. 20 years, imagine keeping the same energy for 20 years and keeping your skin glowing for 20 years and keeping your physique strong for 20 years and keeping your mind sharp for 20 years and being brave and courageous for 20 years and staying locked in for 20 years. It's many, many, many summers. Most people give up on themselves long before the sun rises for them.