Salima Saxton

I phoned a friend whose husband had had a breakdown a few years earlier and I remember standing on the front lawn in my pyjamas, it was dark, I was freezing cold and I was kind of whispering into the phone so my kids wouldn't hear, so the neighbours wouldn't hear, I mean who cares. So I realized that things had to change really quickly.

I phoned a friend whose husband had had a breakdown a few years earlier and I remember standing on the front lawn in my pyjamas, it was dark, I was freezing cold and I was kind of whispering into the phone so my kids wouldn't hear, so the neighbours wouldn't hear, I mean who cares. So I realized that things had to change really quickly.

This life of ours that we had created was a weight around us, and Carl in particular was gasping at the surface for air. I had to change things immediately, I knew it, so I told Carl that. I said that we were going to move to my childhood home, that we were going to take the kids out of the school, and we were going to do things very differently and look after him. He'd always looked after us.

This life of ours that we had created was a weight around us, and Carl in particular was gasping at the surface for air. I had to change things immediately, I knew it, so I told Carl that. I said that we were going to move to my childhood home, that we were going to take the kids out of the school, and we were going to do things very differently and look after him. He'd always looked after us.

This life of ours that we had created was a weight around us, and Carl in particular was gasping at the surface for air. I had to change things immediately, I knew it, so I told Carl that. I said that we were going to move to my childhood home, that we were going to take the kids out of the school, and we were going to do things very differently and look after him. He'd always looked after us.

So I did that. It was a bit like triage, I suppose. I gave notice to the school. I started to pack up the house. And then I would drive out of London with my car filled to the brim to set up my kids' bedrooms in advance of us moving. I would do that at that end. I would go to the tip, visit schools, and then drive home to London sobbing. I felt like I'd taken a shrinking pill.

So I did that. It was a bit like triage, I suppose. I gave notice to the school. I started to pack up the house. And then I would drive out of London with my car filled to the brim to set up my kids' bedrooms in advance of us moving. I would do that at that end. I would go to the tip, visit schools, and then drive home to London sobbing. I felt like I'd taken a shrinking pill.

So I did that. It was a bit like triage, I suppose. I gave notice to the school. I started to pack up the house. And then I would drive out of London with my car filled to the brim to set up my kids' bedrooms in advance of us moving. I would do that at that end. I would go to the tip, visit schools, and then drive home to London sobbing. I felt like I'd taken a shrinking pill.

I felt like everyone in London with their game faces was saying, who did you think you were trying to live this big life? I felt ashamed. I felt ashamed for feeling ashamed. I remember saying to people, oh, please don't tell them because I think it would make really good gossip. But then there are the people and there are the moments that stand out for me.

I felt like everyone in London with their game faces was saying, who did you think you were trying to live this big life? I felt ashamed. I felt ashamed for feeling ashamed. I remember saying to people, oh, please don't tell them because I think it would make really good gossip. But then there are the people and there are the moments that stand out for me.

I felt like everyone in London with their game faces was saying, who did you think you were trying to live this big life? I felt ashamed. I felt ashamed for feeling ashamed. I remember saying to people, oh, please don't tell them because I think it would make really good gossip. But then there are the people and there are the moments that stand out for me.

There was the friend that flew across the ocean with squishmallows for my children and words for me saying, we have got this, we have got this. There were the class mums who organised my son's birthday party. There was the woman in the playground who squeezed my hand because she could see I was feeling really wobbly.

There was the friend that flew across the ocean with squishmallows for my children and words for me saying, we have got this, we have got this. There were the class mums who organised my son's birthday party. There was the woman in the playground who squeezed my hand because she could see I was feeling really wobbly.

There was the friend that flew across the ocean with squishmallows for my children and words for me saying, we have got this, we have got this. There were the class mums who organised my son's birthday party. There was the woman in the playground who squeezed my hand because she could see I was feeling really wobbly.

All those signs of kindness had actually always been there, but I'd been too busy looking for other things. So for about 13 weeks, I lived on coffee, sausage rolls and adrenaline. And by that April, my kids were in their new school. Coal was beginning to resurface and I could kind of exhale again. That February the 14th, or it took the sheen off everything. I couldn't give a fuck. Can I swear?

All those signs of kindness had actually always been there, but I'd been too busy looking for other things. So for about 13 weeks, I lived on coffee, sausage rolls and adrenaline. And by that April, my kids were in their new school. Coal was beginning to resurface and I could kind of exhale again. That February the 14th, or it took the sheen off everything. I couldn't give a fuck. Can I swear?

All those signs of kindness had actually always been there, but I'd been too busy looking for other things. So for about 13 weeks, I lived on coffee, sausage rolls and adrenaline. And by that April, my kids were in their new school. Coal was beginning to resurface and I could kind of exhale again. That February the 14th, or it took the sheen off everything. I couldn't give a fuck. Can I swear?

I don't know, can I swear? I couldn't care less about... I couldn't give a fuck, actually, about... about appearances, suddenly. I just couldn't. I felt like I'd woken up. We lost Deliveroo. We lost complicated cupcake flavours. We lost hotel people bar watching, which I love. We lost the perfect butter chicken tully. Oh, and we lost 24-hour access to buttons, chocolate buttons and Pringles.

I don't know, can I swear? I couldn't care less about... I couldn't give a fuck, actually, about... about appearances, suddenly. I just couldn't. I felt like I'd woken up. We lost Deliveroo. We lost complicated cupcake flavours. We lost hotel people bar watching, which I love. We lost the perfect butter chicken tully. Oh, and we lost 24-hour access to buttons, chocolate buttons and Pringles.

I don't know, can I swear? I couldn't care less about... I couldn't give a fuck, actually, about... about appearances, suddenly. I just couldn't. I felt like I'd woken up. We lost Deliveroo. We lost complicated cupcake flavours. We lost hotel people bar watching, which I love. We lost the perfect butter chicken tully. Oh, and we lost 24-hour access to buttons, chocolate buttons and Pringles.