Samaiya Mushtaq

It had such an impact on my psyche of like, I can't trust anything I think or feel or decisions I make. I can't even make eye contact with anybody because I felt so ashamed. And I'm looking at my parents' rug. And I just, I don't know what I reached into within myself, one little like flame left of like, maybe I am right.

It had such an impact on my psyche of like, I can't trust anything I think or feel or decisions I make. I can't even make eye contact with anybody because I felt so ashamed. And I'm looking at my parents' rug. And I just, I don't know what I reached into within myself, one little like flame left of like, maybe I am right.

Maybe I just need to trust this tiny shred I have left of certainty in myself and belief that what I think and feel and understand matters. And I just said, I can't do it anymore. And I looked at my husband at the time then, and I knew how much I was hurting him. I knew how much I was hurting everybody. And I felt like the most selfish and terrible human being, but I knew it needed to be done.

Maybe I just need to trust this tiny shred I have left of certainty in myself and belief that what I think and feel and understand matters. And I just said, I can't do it anymore. And I looked at my husband at the time then, and I knew how much I was hurting him. I knew how much I was hurting everybody. And I felt like the most selfish and terrible human being, but I knew it needed to be done.

It's like somebody has to call the time of death, and I just had to do it.

It's like somebody has to call the time of death, and I just had to do it.

It felt like I had possibility again and that that was a good thing, that there was joy and excitement and anticipation. And it wasn't even for a different person. When I made the decision to end the marriage, it was never with the idea that I would meet a better person or have a better marriage. It was with the idea that I may be alone, but And that's okay.

It felt like I had possibility again and that that was a good thing, that there was joy and excitement and anticipation. And it wasn't even for a different person. When I made the decision to end the marriage, it was never with the idea that I would meet a better person or have a better marriage. It was with the idea that I may be alone, but And that's okay.

Like, that is a better place to be than the loneliness of being married in this marriage. And so it was like that just burst open and life could be so many things and that wasn't scary anymore. I am so damn happy for you.

Like, that is a better place to be than the loneliness of being married in this marriage. And so it was like that just burst open and life could be so many things and that wasn't scary anymore. I am so damn happy for you.

It was exciting. And then once I got on the apps, it's interesting because they ask you your marital status on these apps. And there's a never married option. One of them didn't have single. It had never married. or divorced or widowed, I think was another option. So I had to select divorce. I couldn't put single.

It was exciting. And then once I got on the apps, it's interesting because they ask you your marital status on these apps. And there's a never married option. One of them didn't have single. It had never married. or divorced or widowed, I think was another option. So I had to select divorce. I couldn't put single.

And so it was from the get-go on my profile, it's right there, which, you know, I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand, it filters out anybody who's just not going to be interested in someone who's been divorced. But on the other hand, it's just so reflective of some of the stigma still that that's a filter. Yeah.

And so it was from the get-go on my profile, it's right there, which, you know, I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand, it filters out anybody who's just not going to be interested in someone who's been divorced. But on the other hand, it's just so reflective of some of the stigma still that that's a filter. Yeah.

Regardless of my first experience, it was important for me to meet someone who was Muslim. That was just something that I knew was non-negotiable for me and for the marriage I wanted and the lifestyle I wanted. And so I only went on apps specific to the Muslim community. And so there's two. At that time, they were called Minder, like Muslim Tinder, and then Musmatch.

Regardless of my first experience, it was important for me to meet someone who was Muslim. That was just something that I knew was non-negotiable for me and for the marriage I wanted and the lifestyle I wanted. And so I only went on apps specific to the Muslim community. And so there's two. At that time, they were called Minder, like Muslim Tinder, and then Musmatch.

Yeah, I think it was a little bit more passive. It was just sort of starting to almost... Just start to think about the next chapter. I think that's really what it was about. Just what could it look like for me to find someone and be married again?

Yeah, I think it was a little bit more passive. It was just sort of starting to almost... Just start to think about the next chapter. I think that's really what it was about. Just what could it look like for me to find someone and be married again?

Yeah, I think the biggest thing was just I wanted to feel a sense of home and belonging. And like, this is my person. This is my best friend. And that's what I wanted. I just wanted the person who is going to be my emotional rock.

Yeah, I think the biggest thing was just I wanted to feel a sense of home and belonging. And like, this is my person. This is my best friend. And that's what I wanted. I just wanted the person who is going to be my emotional rock.