Samaiya Mushtaq

speaker

81 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Jun 2025 last heard Jun 2025

Samaiya Mushtaq’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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The Daily · ‘Modern Love’: If You Want This Kind of Love, Don’t Expect it to be Easy · 1 Jun 2025 podcast

So it sounds really simple, I think, Anna, but... It doesn't. I don't think it does. I actually really don't think it does. Yeah, I just feel like so many little things have to line up to have that, even though you can distill it down into one phrase. I feel like it's just such an abstract and complex and multi-layered need.

So I met Mahmoud that fall. He trained in the same program as me. He was doing family medicine and I was doing psychiatry. Both of us were at UT Southwestern. So we were both residents at the same time. And he was this tall, dark and handsome, literally. I mean, he is. There you go, girl. That's all you need. He's 6'2". He has a full head of dark hair.

And one of the earliest memories now that I have of him, before I even knew he was Mahmoud, knew he was single or somebody who I would end up married to, I just have this memory of him leading the evening prayer for this community iftar that we had on campus. Wow.

I guess the most meaningful interaction... that I remember was we were at this event around like patient bias and discrimination towards physicians. And I just remember he was engaged, like he was reflective and talking about his experiences. And so I just thought it was really interesting that, you know, he was participating and had a lot of insightful things to share.

But I still didn't know he was single. Right. Well, how did you figure out if he was? So I would sometimes activate my profile, yeah, deactivate them and just be like, it feels like shopping at Ross. Like you're just rifling.

You're just like sifting and there's just so much garbage. And then you find that one treasure. So anyways, I had not found that one treasure. And so I had logged off and then I'm not sure what prompted me

Oh, so you matched.

So you swiped and you matched. I swiped and it was an immediate match. So he had already swiped on me.

So we went for poke. Okay. It's funny because there's a couple details I remember about that evening, too. Like, I was trying to decide between these two bowls, and he, like, knew right away what he wanted, and I'm just taking forever to decide. And he's like, okay, you know what? She just wants this. And so— Oh! Yeah. Wait, did you like that or did you not?

Because it was... It can go either way, I know. But the funny thing is, even now, I'm always like that with him. I'm almost like, should I do this or this? Do I want this or this? Like, I'm just like, that is just so me. Like, I can just be so indecisive and so overthinking. And he just, like, moves things along.

And then I remember when we were talking, he noticed something on the mural in the background that... And we kind of made conversation about that. And I just remember that detail because there was this, I'm present. I'm present and I'm noticing things and I'm responding to what's happening in my environment. I'm responding to what you're saying.

And there was a responsiveness that I really noticed right away and that I really enjoyed right away.

He has this ability when he's listening to you to make you feel like he's really just taking it all in and really it matters to him. Like he's being affected by what you're saying. I mean, even the topics we would talk about, they would carry over from one time we met to another, or he would remember something that I had mentioned and follow up on it.

It just felt like he was excited and curious about life.

Oh, yeah. He was certain really early on. I mean... How early? I remember him bringing it up like six weeks into meeting. He was like, I want to know where this is going and where your head is at. I think this is one of those things, Anna, where...

To somebody who's not in our community, that might seem like really forward because again, we're talking about a different construct because for us, that's there from the beginning. And so it's like, is this heading in that direction or not? But for me, I didn't feel that right away. It just wasn't as straightforward for me as it was for him. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean, I would say that was the biggest part of it. I mean, looking back, I don't think there were major reservations. I mean, there was like a couple of things about Mahmoud, like he could be a little bit forgetful or, you know, like I remember he left his phone in the fitting room and I was like, oh, my God, he's going to leave a kid at the park. Yeah.

Like I would definitely catastrophize these things. I was like looking for the red flags, you know? Sure, sure, sure, sure. But I think all of that was fear. I think I was like, I have to be very vigilant of the things that can go wrong because I miss those things the first time and I can't afford to miss them a second time.

I think that's what makes it hard is like I don't know that I overcame it and then decided. I think it was like I recognized that I would have to live with it.

Yeah, I mean, I remember feeling it right up until I said yes. And then it was like it was gone. It was almost like a weight lifted off. It was like, whew. All that fear about doing it and how am I going to do it? It's too scary to do it again. I don't want to do it again because it could go south. And then I was like, I did it. And this is my person.

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