Sarah Cavanaugh

I know that when I've opened up and told people things, if they've turned away from it because it makes them uncomfortable, I've then kind of thought, oh, this makes other people feel uncomfortable. I shouldn't talk about this, right? And I don't want to do that to them. But you have to be present in a way that silently says, I get it.

I know that when I've opened up and told people things, if they've turned away from it because it makes them uncomfortable, I've then kind of thought, oh, this makes other people feel uncomfortable. I shouldn't talk about this, right? And I don't want to do that to them. But you have to be present in a way that silently says, I get it.

I've always been told I'm a really good listener, right? And I maximized that while I was lying, right? People, when you create space, people fill that space. And I had always been really, I had always been able to kind of keep my mouth shut and be quiet and not share anything. I'd really learned that really well.

I've always been told I'm a really good listener, right? And I maximized that while I was lying, right? People, when you create space, people fill that space. And I had always been really, I had always been able to kind of keep my mouth shut and be quiet and not share anything. I'd really learned that really well.

I don't think it's ever going to be easy to think about the people I hurt. And because these are people that even before they knew I hurt them, right, I was hurting them, right, because I was lying to them. And they were people I called every day, that I spent most of my weekends with, that they were my friends, some of them my best friends. And I think about that now, and that's really hard.

I don't think it's ever going to be easy to think about the people I hurt. And because these are people that even before they knew I hurt them, right, I was hurting them, right, because I was lying to them. And they were people I called every day, that I spent most of my weekends with, that they were my friends, some of them my best friends. And I think about that now, and that's really hard.

I'll be honest, I was a little... hesitant to kind of relive this. But I think, you know, if we're going to tell a story, I think it needs to be told fully. And so that's why I'm here.

I'll be honest, I was a little... hesitant to kind of relive this. But I think, you know, if we're going to tell a story, I think it needs to be told fully. And so that's why I'm here.

We were on a base called Taji, which is outside of Baghdad. And where we lived, we had this kind of compound area. It was about 50 yards from a burn pit. And at night, the wind would shift, and our whole living area was enveloped in smoke. What was a fog you could barely see in front of you. A fog of what smelled like burning plastic every night.

We were on a base called Taji, which is outside of Baghdad. And where we lived, we had this kind of compound area. It was about 50 yards from a burn pit. And at night, the wind would shift, and our whole living area was enveloped in smoke. What was a fog you could barely see in front of you. A fog of what smelled like burning plastic every night.

Like when you eat, there's no water to do dishes. So when you go eat, everything is all plastic. And that all gets thrown away. They dig a big pit. They throw all this stuff, plastic, medical waste, batteries, whatever, into this giant pit. They throw jet fuel on it and they light it on fire.

Like when you eat, there's no water to do dishes. So when you go eat, everything is all plastic. And that all gets thrown away. They dig a big pit. They throw all this stuff, plastic, medical waste, batteries, whatever, into this giant pit. They throw jet fuel on it and they light it on fire.

We knew this wasn't going to be good. And the contractor kept claiming that they did air tests and it was okay, but I didn't buy that for a second. Then, one day, it all kind of came to a head. My master chief and I actually drove out there to the burn pit because we just saw this thick black smoke coming out and we're like, what the hell's going on?

We knew this wasn't going to be good. And the contractor kept claiming that they did air tests and it was okay, but I didn't buy that for a second. Then, one day, it all kind of came to a head. My master chief and I actually drove out there to the burn pit because we just saw this thick black smoke coming out and we're like, what the hell's going on?

And we went out there and, you know, just like yelled at the guy, basically like, what the hell are you doing?

And we went out there and, you know, just like yelled at the guy, basically like, what the hell are you doing?

I felt like what it was a slightly pinched nerve in my left chest. And, you know, I exercise, so I get pinched nerves and stuff every once in a while. So I'm like, oh, it'll just go away.

I felt like what it was a slightly pinched nerve in my left chest. And, you know, I exercise, so I get pinched nerves and stuff every once in a while. So I'm like, oh, it'll just go away.

It was a huge shock. I'm working out. I'm healthy. Everything's going great. And then someone tells you you're about to die. I just like I couldn't wrap my brain around it. My wife was with me. I just kind of like broke down.

It was a huge shock. I'm working out. I'm healthy. Everything's going great. And then someone tells you you're about to die. I just like I couldn't wrap my brain around it. My wife was with me. I just kind of like broke down.