Sarah Koenig

And even today, I think you continue to manipulate even those that love you, as you did to the victim.

You manipulated her to go with you to her death.

Once, early on, I asked Adnan, if you're saying you're innocent, why aren't you bitter and angry?

Why do you sound so calm?

And he said a lot of things, then and since, because there's no one answer.

Part of it, he says, is that he realizes how lucky he is compared to so many other guys inside.

His family visits, he calls them all the time, they send him money.

He's got people like Robbie and Saad pulling for him.

Quote, I refuse to be miserable, he said to me.

Being religious helps, which you hear all the time about people in prison, but I never thought about it too much before I got to know Adnan.

When he ended up in prison, he says he made a choice to be a better Muslim.

Now he can say that for nearly half his life, he's lived like he's supposed to.

He knows it's a rationalization of his situation, but it's been the most helpful one.

Finally, he says he's got a clear conscience because he didn't kill Hay.

Though once he did say to me, I'm here because of my own stupid actions.

I asked him what he meant.

A prosecutor I was talking to said, of course Adnan can't ever admit to this crime.

After all his parents have been through, the fear and the money and the anguish, how could he ever turn around and say to them, I did it?

Adnan took issue with that.

I can't say what would truly be easier for his family, knowing their son had murdered someone or feeling as if he's been taken from them unjustly.