Scott Alexander (reading by Solenoid Entity / Astral Codex Ten podcast host)

Some parts seem too trivial to care about.

For example, we desire things.

Even if we get one object of desire, we'll just start thinking about something else.

And other parts seem incomprehensible.

The thing at the sweet spot for me, where it seems meaningful but not obvious, is the claim that desire is an ego defense.

We want things because we think they would make us feel more like a coherent self.

We fear things because they might make our subjectivity collapse.

This seems closest to true when I imagine a sudden humiliation.

For example, a pastor who tries to open jesus underscore presentation dot powerpoint on his computer in front of his flock but accidentally clicks on the wrong file and reveals to everyone that he watches hardcore porn.

There's a simple and easy to understand explanation where he's unhappy because he's lost status.

But I can also imagine flickers of a deeper underlying unhappiness because he's failed to project his preferred image of who he is to the people who he's granted the right to judge him.

And now he's no longer even sure himself.

The idea of an ego at risk of collapse sort of reminds me of Buddhism.

desire is the root of all suffering, and the self is an illusion.

Both seem pretty Lacanian ideas.

It's interesting how far this has spread beyond either source.

I think most pop psychology now just accepts that the self is some kind of projection or illusion, and that this probably has something to do with consumerism or whatever other modern maladies we're supposed to be against.

I guess I always just accepted this idea without really thinking about it.

When I do think about it, I get kind of confused.

If my entire life has been a series of desperate attempts to maintain the facade of my ego, how come I don't feel able to stop having that facade even if I want to?